Tuesday, May 18, 2010

it's a cruel...cruel summer

Young me was so stupid.
I had all these opinions
about things in which I had no experience.
About issues that have A LOT of gray area.
I was so convinced I was right
all.the.time.

Now, I feel like I'm proven wrong on a nearly-hourly basis.
I shy away from "final-sounding" statements.

A few years ago (not even that long...maybe one year) I would've told you that I would NEVER live with a guy before marriage.
For several reasons.
All of which I still believe are valid.

But then, this time last year, when The Foliage and I were still dating long-distance, he got in a fight with a median in Wilmington.
The median won.
His European rims were mangled
and needed to be ordered from overseas.
He was stuck here for a week.
And it was the best week EVER.
Which is when we knew that we couldn't go on being long-distance.
We needed one other to be up in our collective space.

We tried to figure out which one of us should move and how jobs would work, etc.
He decided to move here.
We bought a house.
I still had my apartment.
Where I had every intention of staying.

But he has this cat.
I may have mentioned him once or twice...
He kind of sucks
as far as things that use oxygen go.
And I had to be at the house at least two nights per week to feed him
since The Foliage works and stays in Maryland for the first half of the week.
And it's hard to pack for two nights every.single.week.
especially as a female
because you have no idea what you're going to feel like wearing on any given day.
So I started moving clothes into the house.

And then when The Foliage DID come home, I couldn't very well not be there
to say "hey, babe!"
and kiss him herrow.

And then most of our plans for the other days of the week usually involved both of us, and it just made sense to be in the same place so we could take one car or walk over together.

And then other excuses.

And now we totally live together.

And on one hand, I feel like I totally let myself down.
But on the other, I can't imagine NOT having him up in my space
or vice versa.
And that hand feels totally justified.
But hand #1 makes me feel crappy.
And I think, more than letting myself down, it's that I gave in
to the you'll-seeeeeeees.
Who I hate.
And who can bite me. Hard.

So I caved to a social norm. Damnit. But also YAY I don't CARE because I get to spend as much time as physically possible with this dude who is totes worth marrying, which is totes crazy rare!

Now the matter of somehow getting rid of my apartment...

Anyway, I hear teenagers/early 20-somethings make broad, final generalizations and life-statements nowadays
And I just sigh, heavily.
I wish there were some way to tell them
to shut the hell up
to avoid the eventual guilt/embarassment over caving.
But I obviously can't
because they won't
and then probably will. Too late.

Life is hard when you're super judgy and outspoken.

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