Saturday, June 26, 2010

and it was all yellow

As I think I maybe mentioned once or twice, I've been reading Dooce from the very beginning. She started her site early in 2001, and I'm now up to April of 2006. I can't say enough good things about the site...her absolute honesty in dealing with depression, marriage, pregnancy and raising her child (she has two kids now, but the second one wasn't around in 2006). It makes me laugh out loud and makes me so grateful to have the opportunity to be a fly on the wall of someone's life while she struggles with the sorts of things that I - and probably a lot of women - think about, but can merely imagine on a hypothetical level. I can only dream of writing and expresssing as well as she does someday.

However.

Part of the genius of her site is that she divulges pretty much everything. I mean, she doesn't talk about her fights with her husband, and there are certain topics that she won't touch because it could hurt family members' feelings. And I totally respect that. But for the most part, you hear it all. And she still pokes fun at her family members, because she's crass and they're easy targets, but she gets away with it.

I don't think I could get away with it.

I would SO like to be able to write about my family and the family into which I'm marrying. But I just don't think I can. Leaf (formerly referred to as "The Foliage") doesn't mind at all when I mention him. But I haven't really gone into detail about him. I've never waxed poetic about the fact that sometimes he just talks. And talks and talks and talks. About absolutely nothing*. And sometimes it's really, extraordinarily annoying. Just because silence makes him uncomfortable. Or the way that he's swallowed his emotions for so many years, that sometimes I just want him to YELL AT ME, but I have to work REALLY hard to get him that pissed off*.

I would LOVE to be able to discuss the history of WHY he's shut down the part of his brain that had a temper. But I'd have to go into his family's history - and their present - and that could get really messy. Like really.

I have to watch what I say about his family out loud, even. Starting next September, they are going to be my family FOREVER. But MAN. We are so close with both of our families, and so much of our life together is a direct result of that. I don't know how to be honest without be TOO honest. I overshare. Always. It's what I do. And there's just so.much.potential. for sharing.

So now I'm trying to figure out what's OK and what isn't. And whether any blogging I'll do in my life will purely be random anecdotes and musings, or if I'll ever get to tell The Story. Whatever that means.

Feedback is appreciated.

*To be fair, he hardly ever does this with me anymore. When we were long-distance and would talk on the phone, he'd do it all the time, and I'd literally just fall asleep because WHY THE FACE?! Also the reason that this is annoying is that I YELL. I like yelling. I like to have a fight, be really really angry all at once, and then be done with it. If one person just clams up during the fight, no progress is made. Yeah?

**It annoys me that these are literally the only two things I could think of that irk me about him. I kind of revel in having pet peeves, but he's just so...not irritating. Gross.

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