Monday, August 9, 2010

let's DO this

The day we met. Tidal Basin. During the Cherry Blossom Festival.
Taken by Andy Hsu, other subjects edited out by my sister Emily.

Over at A Practical Wedding one day last week was this post. The gist is that there's really no such thing as a "the one", and you totally COULD be with someone who isn't your current significant other/spouse and be 100% happy with them, but you CHOOSE one person anyway, and you build a life together. The author of the post used the analogy of a house. That there are tons of houses in which you could live perfectly well, but you eventually have to choose one to make your home, and with time and effort you can't imagine calling any other house your home.

I don't know about the whole house thing (I can fall in love with a house like it's my JOB), but I really appreciated the point of this post overall.

A lot of times the whole issue of The One concept pops into my head and I start thinking, "well, is he?" I mean, I dunno. And like the author of that post, I never had any, "BAM LET'S BE 2GETHA 4EVA" moment. He sorta...grew on me. Don't get me wrong - I was attracted to him immediately. And we've always had a great rapport.

But I've had that with a lot of people. And the only time I've had a "BAM"-type moment led to the most wildly unhealthy relationship of my life. I would have to say that all of the people with whom I'm the closest are my soul mates. My Ship? Kates? A-Train? All 5 of my immediate family members? Totes my soul mates. I'll probably accumulate some more soul mates over the course of my life. They're useful for things. Things like rolling their eyes at me. And other stuff.

I guess part of the reason that I have such an un-romanticized view of marriage is my parents. Now, after 25 years together, they're the greatest example of a marriage anyone could want to see. But when they tell me about meeting each other and dating and their engagement...yeesh. Bottom line: they probably shouldn't have gotten married. Based on what they tell me. And there were some rough years while I was growing up when they almost caved.

But then they didn't.

They went to therapy and worked and talked, and now they're best friends. They love hanging out together. They're crazy about each other. They giggle together. They're adorable. And it's helpful to me to think about that when I watch movies like "TiMER" that are soul mate centric* and make me go, "WHAT IF I'M CHOOSING WRONG?!"

Shortly before I started this blog, The Foliage got in a fight with a median and lost. At the time we'd been in a long-distance relationship for just over a year, and he had been visiting me in Wilmington that weekend. But his car is European. And his wheels were totally mangled. And parts had to be ordered. So he stayed with me for a week while that happened.

We'd been happy together before that. We'd sporadically discussed one of us moving to be with the other one. And then we were stuck together in my 1-bedroom apartment for a week. And it was the best week ever (until then...Mexico was pretty sweet). And we were all, "Um...I kind of need you to be all up in my space...constantly and immediately."

So we bought a house. And I decided we were engaged. Then we actually got engaged. Twice. And now we're getting married in just over a year, even though there totally might be a "better" person for each of us out there. Because we're choosing to be the best for each other.

*Still a good movie, though. I highly recommend it.


Leah said...

Yeah, I kinda think "the One" is anyone you are willing to make a conscious decision to love and take care of every day. It's more a mindset than an occurrence..."I found THE ONE...."

Swiss Miss said...

Your dad believes in "the one." That's what made him work so hard to keep us together. And because of his work, I knew that I had to work hard too- because he deserved the best from me. Did I used to believe in "the one?" No. But no one else would put up with me, and doesn't that now make him "my one?" Yeah.

ceejus said...

Yeah, that's the point. He became your one. I can't tell whether you're agreeing or disagreeing with me. Leaf and I have decided to commit to each other as "one"s. But if we'd never met, we could each be just as happy with other people.

What with the whole having met thing, though, I'm pretty excited all this legally-mandated-monogamy business.

Jennierose said...

OMG. I didn't realize that was the day you two met. Kind of excited that I was totally there :) Because I'm a dork.