Sunday, October 10, 2010

may contain spoilers

The Foliage and I just got back from seeing 2 movies tonight with Robyn. The 2nd one was "The Social Network" and blah blah blah it's really popular and it was exhausting. The 1st one though...was "It's Kind of a Funny Story" and it was pretty great.

There was one scene in the movie where the main character says that he has no friends, and someone nearby comments on what a hard realization that is. Like it's inevitable. That, yeah, duh, everybody realizes eventually that they have no real friends in the world, and that day is tough.

I had exactly that realization one day. It was 5 or 6 years ago, and I'd just broken up (for realsies...not for "let's still hang out all the time"sies) with my first Very Serious Boyfriend. I had spent the last year or 2 of our relationship working full-time at night and going to school full-time during the day, and my car at the time kept locking me out* which relegated me to walking ev.er.y.where. So the very little free time I had was spent with the VSB.

It's a pretty classic first-relationship-ending story. You've spent all your socializing energy on your now-ex's friends, and now you don't even know who your friends are. And the people you thought were your friends are comPLETEly unreliable. You've grown apart. You think, "this can't be right...something must be wrong with me...it's my fault we have nothing to talk about." And you hang out with the people who used to be your friends, on their terms, while they do stupid things like sit at home and...well, that's it. They just sit at home. And complain about things that don't really affect them, but make no attempt to change anything.

So that happened. And I got pretty depressed. Which happens to me sometimes. So I started doing things. Saying "yes" to anything that could potentially result in a [safe and] good time became a personal policy. And I told myself that the only people I could rely on were myself and my family members. To save myself from the disappointment of believing in people who would just let me down. And I closed myself off.

Until BAM I met a couple of girls who were totally awesome, and I was all, "Oh...you mean humanity doesn't suck?" And I became reacquainted with a guy who I'd known in high school, but who I hadn't spent a whole lot of time with since, who also surprised me by totally not sucking. And I met The Foliage, and almost wrecked it because I didn't know I was still closed-off, and had to figure out how to undo that. So now I have 3 best friends and a husband-elect** beside my family. Oh, and his family which is my family-elect. I once felt so alone I felt like the universe could just swallow me whole, and now I couldn't feel isolated if I tried.

I think the movie made depression kind of "glossy" and the ending was pretty clean, compared to what it's really like living with that particular disease. Just acknowledging the problem doesn't make things all hunky dory. Not by a long shot. But I liked that ultimately the guy wasn't alone. As cheesy as it may sound, I think it's important for depressed people to know: you're not alone.

Also I want pretty much all the songs on the soundtrack.

*A 1996 Saab. 1996 was not a good year for the company. A friend once commented that my car was "like a kid with Downs Syndrome throwing a tantrum," which is probably offensive to children with Downs. But hey...I'm just quoting for crissakes.
**Totally stole this term from a friend. Love it.

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