Pros: Has his own ship (ahem, YACHT). Mean to children. Sweet mustache.
Cons: Hook for a hand. Ouch.
Ursula the Sea Witch
Pros: Can give me legs.
Cons: Will take my voice, which ROOLZ. And "eight is a lot o' legs."
Mark Zuckerberg (yes, I consider him a villain...at least the villain of "The Social Network")
Pros: I would have so. many. friends.
Cons: I mostly don't even like having friends. Jaykay. Maybe. Also, every time I see Jesse Eisenberg kiss someone, it gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't want to see him kiss anyone, ever. That's probably a bad sign for marriage, right? Yeah. OK.
Pros: Personal nay-sayer-eating cat. Word!
Cons: A little touchy about the self-identity jazz. Probably needs therapy. Premarital counseling would be ROUGH.
Pros: Yay squishy puppies everywhereeeeee!!!
Cons: OMG WHAT R U DOING TO THE PUPPIES?! Also she puts pepper on everything, including ice cream. I just can't live like that.
For the time being, I guess I'll leave my nuptial plans as they are, but I'll think of more possible wrenches later. Suggestions for next time are welcome!