Monday, June 6, 2011

i would totally marry...a couple of actors

Yesterday afternoon I FINALLY finished the last book of Millennium Trilogy. And when I did, I found myself pretty annoyed at all of the female characters for being soooooo in looooove with Mikael Blomkvist. He's not that great! He's middle-aged, blonde, and kind of has a paunch, from his description in the books. He likes strong women* so that's a point in his favor, I guess. But...meh. Maybe my opinion was influenced by watching the Swedish film version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Because I did NOT find that Mikael attractive at all.

But last night we went to see the new X Men movie. And the trailer for the American version of the film was shown. And Daniel Craig will apparently be playing Kalle Blomkvist. And now I get it. Because Daniel Craig as a genius investigative journalist who can only get it up for self-assured women? Seriously?! I don't even like blondes, but come ON.

I would also like to note that I rolled my eyes so hard when I heard the US would be remaking this, since the Swedish one was so good. And we all know America has a tendency to butcher perfectly good foreign media for no apparent reason**. But the trailer looks pretty amazing. Although I don't know if anyone but Noomi Rapace can ever be Lisbeth in my mind. We'll see. Now that I'm going to be projecting the US version onto the walls of my LIFE once it premiers.

The other crush of the evening: Magneto. Or Michael Fassbender. Or whatever. He doesn't need to have a name, because he's like angry, supernaturally powerful James Bond. Which is obviously the only way that James Bond could get better. And better James Bond = MINDSPLOSION. It doesn't even make SENSE. This is probably not OK, but I could hardly wait until we were out of the theatre to tell The Foliage how much of a crush I had on him. I mean Magneto, not The Foliage. I know, it can get confusing in my mind sometimes.

Under that tough exterior of some real sensitivity. And appreciation of the unique. But under that there's more angry! Oh, and sad. But focus on the positive. Which is the angry. Duh. Before I met The Foliage, if people asked me what my type was, my answer was pretty much, "Someone who looks like they could kill me without anyone ever knowing." Which is, you know, maybe cause for concern. For some people. But I just knew what I wanted. Potentially a member of an Eastern European mafia? Pick me up at 8, and don't wear anything with too many buttons.

When I DID tell The Foliage about this (because I have no self-restraint FYI IN CASE YOU JUST STARTED READING THIS BLOG), his response was, "Man, I've got so much of that covered except the evil! Damnit!" Because obviously the evil is the clincher. The meanest thing he does is to shove me into walls sometimes. Which I probably deserve. Given the above.

*Because the author, Stieg Larsson, had HARDCORE guilt issues about not stopping a gang rape he witnessed as a 15 year old. Which is understandable. And kind of a buzzkill. But in any case, all of his male protagonists just UH. DORE. strong women, and all of the antagonists hate them. And there are no female antagonists. Nor are there any weak or unintelligent women. Kind of a skewed population segment. All women are strong, brilliant, good people, and all men are either evil and hate women OR are good and worship all females ever. Just...weird.
**If you don't like "Love, Actually" then you have no heart and we can't be friends***
***OKfine we can maybe be friends, but you have to bring me chips and salsa.


UseYourWords said...

"This is probably not OK, but I could hardly wait until we were out of the theatre to tell The Foliage how much of a crush I had on him."

Um this is weird but that is EXACTLY what I did, to E. Actually I may not have waited until we were out of the theater. Also you HAVE to see Jane Eyre. HARD.

ceejus said...

Oh, I plan to. Hard.

And I very nearly drooled on myself every time Magneto was on the screen. I kept leaning to TF to express my feelings, and then thinking of the better of it. But then we got outside and I couldn't fight it any more.