Thursday, June 23, 2011

and DEFINITELY no more fun

So when I was little, somewhere between 7 and 10, one of my teachers had the class play a game called "Quakers' Meeting." The game started by her saying this:

Quakers' meeting has begun
No more laughing, no more fun
If you dare to crack a smile
You will have to walk a mile

And then she'd choose a kid to start. And that kid had to make us all laugh. The last one to not laugh or smile would NOT be walking a mile, rather they became the next "Quaker." Of COURSE she always chose Daniel Cacciamani, the class clown, who was admittedly HILARIOUS. But then, I would be the next "Quaker." Because I like winning! I like being the best at things! Unfortunately, I was not the best at understanding consquences, because then I ended up at the front of a room, full of my peers, with absolutely no idea what to do. Also I think "My So-Called Life" had premiered, and I had become extremely adept at not smiling, following in Angela Chase's clunky shoes.

All of this translates to: forced stand-up comedy. And regular stand-up comedy is maybe one of the most traumatizing activities a person can undertake. So that plus a SNEAK ATTACK equals CEEJ HAS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I may have mentioned my xxxtreme unpopularity before. Well...yeah. Full effect, people. It was so bad, that the bell would ring for class to end - without me making a single person so much as smile - because we ran. out. of. time. You know how every minute in front of an unhappy-looking group of people can feel like an eternity? Well, I was up there for a lot of minutes. On several occasions.

I honestly can't believe this "game" is legal. Paddling? Fine, bring it back. But for the love of all that is holy, no kid should have to play this monstrous game.

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