Friday, October 28, 2011

how my mom saved me from evil produce. orrrrrr not.

 
When I was little, sometimes there would be apples in the house. I know. BIG DEAL. Well I was a kid, and IT SERIOUSLY WAS OK. They were so shiny and huge and juicy-looking...
 
Let's pause to note that one of the ONLY good things about Southern Ohio is their amazing apple crops. After we moved to Delaware I wasn't sure I'd ever experience a not-awful apple again, but then I found CSAs and my life was whole once more.
 
OK THAT'S ENOUGH GET A GRIP. Back to the story.
 
I would go into the kitchen, and be dumbstruck by the basket of GLORIOUS NATURAL BOUNTY on the counter.
 
And then Mom would show up OUT OF NOWHERE and say, "You can't have a green apple. They'll make you sick. You can have a red one." Which, as we all know, are Red DeLIARS and no one should ever eat them ever. And I've since learned that this whole sick thing was a complete lie. I have since eaten green apples (albeit with trepidation) and have been 100% fine. Because the TRUTH was that if I ate a green apple, she'd have had one less apple to bake with. And would have to go to the store. With 3 or 4 small children. To replace a single apple.
 
Which NOW I get. I am a total believer in lying to small kids to avoid telling them convoluted/hurtful/time consuming truths. I didn't need to know that I was an inconvenient pain in the ass. And I would never have been able to wrap my mind around the fact that Denying Myself 1 Apple NOW = Eating Incredible Apple Pie (WITH ICE CREAM PROBABLY OMG) Later.
 
My PROBLEM is this: I've been afraid of green apples for years. I have shied away from them, thinking that they would give me the stomachache of the century. That they were ONLY suitable for baking. I have lost SO MUCH TIME not eating their deliciousness. I've actually been so warped in my thinking about green apples, that when Mom started buying them for Dad to snack on a couple of years ago, I suspected her of trying to [mildly] poison him. I had no idea why she would do such a thing, but hey! Green apples are a menace to society, so why else would she have put so many of them right on the counter? Right?
 
Then he emerged unscathed and the jig was up. It was so. f*cking. up.
 
I'm sorry for the pointless neglect, green apples. Get ready for me to punish, like, a gajillion of you.
 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

dream big

I totally meant to post this earlier, but. Sometimes I suck. GEEZ you KNOW this so just BACK OFF.
 
Read: busy. So busy. And also not as busy as other times. Mostly I've just been out of words lately. Or I find words and they go on and on and don't say anything. It's extraordinarily frustrating.
 
In any case. The hilarious Bad Mama Genny (who is not a mama but is usually bad and almost definitely Genny) is hosting a giveaway for SO DERISHOUS looking spices. And you should enter to win them. And then give them to me. Because zoooooomg I wants. Though I'll just be passing them along to my father-in-law who's currently in charge of Thanksgiving dinner.
 
There are no words for how excited I am for the Thanksgiving reigns to be in my hands (date TBD as yet). BABY LOVES A DINNER PARTY. Probably won't be for several years. Did it stop me from registering for all the dishes and cooking accessories I need? No. No it did not. Does anyone want a full Thanksgiving meal, not during Thanksgiving weekend? I can probably hook that up for you.
 
Please. Someone please let me cook you too much food. The Foliage and I are gaining so much weight from my food enthusiasm that I emailed him today saying I want to start TRAINING for a MARATHON. So I'm both heavier than I want to be and delusional. Fabulous. What I'm saying is COME TO MY HOME where I will COOK YOU THINGS. Homemade things! From scratch amazing things!
 
Apparently my current baby fever is manifesting in a need to feed everyone I know on the planet. I want to PROVIDE. I want to HOST. I want to give you IMPOSSIBLY TINY CRUDITE.
 
Apparently I also want to use caps lock with wild abandon. Wait...check. Awesome. Sometimes achieving goals is so easy!

Monday, October 24, 2011

really bad at being succinct lately

 
Last night The Foliage and I were talking about something that's been weighing on our minds, and out of the blue, I brought up something else that had been concerning me. When I solicited a reaction, all he could say was, "How...do you have the brainspace to be thinking about that right now?!"
 
So I thought I'd write a list of things that have been on my mind of late:
 
 
Business
 
I've mentioned in passing here before that I've started a business. It's called "Shut the Front Door" and it provides unique rentals for photoshoots and events. Saturday I styled my first ever wedding inspiration shoot, in collaboration with photographer Zareth and stationer Jenn, and it went REALLY well. What's not going so well is that ALL of the inventory is currently in my home. My one-bedroom home that I share with The Foliage. And happens to be on the 6th floor of our building.
 
As the entrepreneur in this situation, I love each and every piece in my inventory, and don't mind that it can get cluttered at home, or that I have to jump over several armchairs to get from the bookcase to the kitchen. But. It's not only my home, and my infinitely patient partner is rather reactive to his environment. So. Something has to change. My hope is to sign enough contracts for revenue to justify storage space, a moving van type of vehicle, and hourly-paid movers. Maybe even a storefront. In that order. But they're all a ways off.
 
 
Uterus
 
I have a mad case of baby fever. It is RAGING like CRAZY. But I'm staying [relatively] sensible and am sticking to our timeline of pregnancy next summer, baby the following spring. Still. I can't stop considering baby names, or mentally designing cribs, or reading mommy blogs. And the whole baby thing affects how I feel about my job* and income and my business.
 
Too many of my daydreams involve giving sink baths and midnight feedings and rocking chairs. FAR too many. Maybe I need a new hobby.
 
*Which is that the benefits are superb and I like it, but I don't know yet whether I'll stay post-baby. I feel like so many people say they're definitely going to keep working, and then change their minds drastically once the baby arrives. And I already feel like returning to work would be dicey. So I'm just trying to be realistic. Getting my business going and being able to work from home would be ideal.
 
 
Housing
 
Have I mentioned that The Foliage and I love real estate? A lot? Well. We do. We fall in houselove OFTEN, which is silly because we should NOT buy a house.  So we recently fell in deep houselove with a single family property that's just blocks away from where we are now (which we love), has plenty of space, a fenced yard, and a detached garage with loft that would be a PERFECT storage and studio space for me. And last Friday its price dropped $30k.
 
But we still own a house! A house that is underwater at the moment, and that we have to wait at least a year to sell (or we refund the $8k first-time-buyer tax credit to the government). We have sort-of renters in it at the moment, but they're leaving at the end of this month, and then we'll start looking for new renters.
 
We've considered many options. Get the mortgage for enough to cover the loss and tax credit and sell our townhouse? Find renters and buy the new house and have 2 mortgages? We even considered asking a real estate mogul friend of ours to buy it and then let us rent (we are NOT doing this, but it wouldn't be too far out of the ordinary for this guy, trust me).
 
Then we started looking for houses to rent. Somewhere we could stay for the next few years, provides enough space for my business, and would enable us to keep saving toward a down payment on a forever house. THEN The Foliage realized that we're morons and we could just stay in our apartment and shell out for the storage rental space, and be paying less than the rent for any of the houses we like. So. At least that's one problem solved.
 
 
 
There are also the other constant concerns. Like self-image (post-wedding weight, my skin's deteriorating awesomeness), not feeling like I'm being charitable enough with my time or money, wanting to pursue more creative endeavors but not ever finding the time or deeming it financially responsible, et cetera et al.
 
BUT. And I don't know whether this is marriage or maturity. I guess it COULD be both, but I'm not a doctor. Anyway. I feel like everything's pretty OK. Strangely enough, the one topic out of the above that's driving me the craziest is the gestation one. For the most part, I'm pretty laid back about it all. Maybe I'm just procrastinating my stress. But I'm hopeful that everything will just work itself out, and that I magically already know it will somehow. Then I could start a psychic business, too!
 

Friday, October 21, 2011

hard knock life

What's hard is when you're Facebook friends with your best friends' parents, and then your best friends' parents say the most inane things ever. Including comments on your posts. Then you maybe have to staple your hand to your desk to avoid being your regular snarky self. Because you don't want your best friends' parents to hate you! But geez! Can someone get these people an e-tiquette manual or something?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

in addition

Oh, so the other reason I wanted to post that video was that it's one of the only records we have of my superfake wedding ring.
 
Because, see, our reception was outside. And it was super freaking hot. And in the woods. Next to a mostly dried up stream. So...there were mosquitos. Mad of them. And one bit my finger, just below my wedding ring. And standing in line at the airport the next day, I noticed that my finger had swollen up like crazy. So I wrestled off my wedding band, but then I didn't want to NOT wear my ring during my honeymoon! Especially since The Foliage was wearing his, I felt as if we looked like (and I know this is insane and I'm the only person on the planet who would've thought this) a married guy and an unmarried woman. AKA a dude and HIS MISTRESS. And I wanted to look like his wife. Badly.
 
I KNOW! THAT IS CRAZY! NO ONE WOULD HAVE CARED OR NOTICED. But I super duper cared. So we went to the Spanish equivalent of Forever 21 and I bought my chevron fakering and gigantic stripey bangle.
 
Bam. Jewelry explained. You're welcome.

boats are more interesting than delirious ceej

Once we get the wedding pictures back, I'm planning on doing a lot of wedding day posts. In the meantime, though, here's a video from the first day of our honeymoon!

There is nothing of substance here. At all. We took a ton of wandering around videos, and eventually we'd like to edit them together to contain highlights. But this is one of my favorite stand-alone ones because I was SO MOTHERF*CKING TIRED which, for me, can either translate to murderously cranky or seemingly drunk. In this case, it's the latter. Score! But seriously. So tired. Don't expect to witness anything impressive here.



Here's what I learned from all of our videotaping: apparently I have somewhat of a lisp when I'm joking? This is news to me, and immensely irritating. But for everyone else, you're welcome, now you know my big tell. Just in case you ever make the mistake of thinking I'm being sincere, my speech impediment will prove you wrong. Le sigh*

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

hey jealousy

Before last night, I'd never watched "Parenthood" so I don't know the characters, but one of them has a new younger sibling and is sooooo resentful, and the idea is just crazy ridiculous to me. I remember watching shows as a little kid that attempted to address jealousy of new babies, and even then it confused the crap out of me. I've never known an existence without siblings. Some girl on "Barney" was wicked pissed at her baby brother for, like, existing? Or something? And I guess I GET the concept, and whateverrrrrr probably kids go through that. But. What is more exciting than a new tiny alive toy?!

What I'm trying to say is if any of my futurekids have resentment issues about a new arrival, I'ma give 'em a smack in the mouth.

Monday, October 17, 2011

no rest for the wicked

1. Saw several of my favorite people at the Delaware Art Museum's Art is Social event
1a. Got a little drunk
1b. Then ate gross diner food
1c. The hanging out was worth it, I GUESS
1d. FINE it totally was
 
2. Got to sleep around 2am, then rolled out of bed and went straight to truck rental facility, to pick up the moving van we'd reseved
2a. No shower
2b. Can of ginger ale for breakfast
 
3. Then my parents' storage unit where all the furniture and other stuff from the wedding was
3a. Including approximately 5 gajillion glass bottles (used for water at the tables) and bronze galvanized tubs (held the water bottles and white wine on the tables in lieu of centerpieces)
3b. We left the [insanely heavy cast iron] clawfoot tub there
3c. Also loaded up a bunch of my parents' furniture and then...
 
4. Drove to my parents' neighbor's housekeeper's apartment to give her the furniture
4a. Seriously
4b. Her kids are sooooo cuuuuuute!!
4c. I almost stole them
4d. Ouch, ovaries! Ouch!
4e. She didn't want the couch
4f. So The Foliage and Mom took it back to the storage unit
4g. I went back to the house to shower. I win.
 
5. Once The Foliage got back to the house, we drove back South
5a. Clothes swap for me
5b. Paintball for him
5c. I might've gotten drunk again. Just a little.
 
6. Then straight to Philadelphia for Sukkot at The Foliage's aunt and uncle's house
 
7. Drove home at midnight, fell asleep HARD, and woke up just in time to get ready for noon mass
 
9. Mass, celebrated by the bishop, which was a surprise
 
10. Changed into football-watching clothes, then drove to Buffalo Wild Wings
10a. No tables
10b. We were among the, like, 5 people there for the Lions-49ers game
10c. So the other Lions-49ers spectators adopted us to their table
10d. Guess who drank too much again....
10e. Maybe I should write a book about not having self control
10f. I'm pretty much THE expert
10g. The Lions (w00t!) were dominating until the very end, and then the 49ers got STUPID points at the last minute and ruined my life
 
11. Back to my parents' house to sober up pre-drive
 
12. Drove to Maryland at 8pm
 
13. Unloaded truck. On each trip downstairs, removed an item from our dining set to be put in the truck once empty.
 
14. Drove to The Foliage's coworker's apartment, and unloaded dining set
 
15. Returned rental truck, mysteriously sans-gas cap
15a. Considered stealing another truck's gas cap so we don't get blamed
15b. Figure there are cameras and go with deny, deny, deny plan instead
 
16. Blissfullest. Sleep. Ever.
 
I feel pretty accomplished. But also tired. But also accomplished. I want some chicken pot pie.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

in which my soul dies a little but maybe i win a gold medal

OK, people. Invitation time. YES. Yes. First...we designed. My initial design was reminiscent of stage props. It's hard to explain, but I promise it would've been very cool and probably less labor-intensive than what we actually did. Eventually some event will come around for which stage prop invitations will be entirely appropriate, and when that day comes LOOK OUT WORLD.

Mom and I brainstormed (while The Foliage sat nearby, helplessly trying to keep up with the idea blizzard) and eventually arrived at our plan. A board game. A motherf*cking board game. We decided it would have three panels, bust-style game pieces, and a telegram RSVP card.

Since I never use photoshop ever, that was Mom's detail. She completely designed the game and the instructions and hand-drew the map of Northern Delaware. The board game dimensions were in keeping with the three-panel junk mail that had inspired this paper choice to begin with, and she bought a ream of paper to print them on.

We had a self-designated deadline of July 4th weekend so that my paternal relatives would receive the invitations before the annual reunion the next weekend. Read: so we wouldn't have to hear about how no one had received invitations yet all day at the reunion. It should be noted that on the way to said reunion was the day that our car broke down on the Jersey Turnpike, somewhere between New Jersey and New York, rendering us abandoned by justice. And air conditioning. And shade. We were a little late to the picnic, where everyone had already ranted about the un-awesomeness (read: not from Crane's) of the invitations to one another, and had nothing left to say to us. Which was, you know, handy.

So the weekend of the 4th we arrived at my parents' house on Friday night, and Mom and I wrapped up the final details of the board game squares. Then it was something like 2 in the morning and we decided to close up shop for the evening.

This is how the board game looked after it was printed and trimmed at Kinko's:



 The next morning we designed the reception card, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner card, day-after-BBQ card, local information and the RSVP enclosures. Yeah. This ish was a SUITE, people. We do not half-ass our paper products. Also I'd been made to feel guilty about "taking" people's Labor Day Weekends, so we organized a ton of events to keep them busy. Because that's what people like. To not relax. I'm pretty sure they enjoyed all the events in any case, so that all worked out.

 Here it is with the enclosures:


 But I'm skipping ahead, oh, 50 hours of work here. Per person. FIRST. First we bought fabric. A bunch of fabric that reminded us of Romanian gypsies. (For the record, I would totally marry a fabric surplus store. Those places make me so happy.) Then we went to Kinko's and printed the board game and enclosures.

This is what your youngest sister will look like while you hand-trim 100 of the non-aligned enclosure cards from large sheets of cardstock, using the sub-par Kinko's slicer, alone, while she's supposed to be helping:


 In her defense, there wasn't much she could do. But falling asleep on the floor?! Seems like a bit much. Also, FYI, all of the sisters that witnessed this weekend firsthand proclaimed their intention to elope/send evites/not ever make invitations ["again," as if they made invitations this time]. Loudly. I can't wait for these hoes to get engaged.

Once everything was printed and sliced, we went home and start gluing fabric to cardstock. Not the board game cardstock, a different cardstock. We measured and cut fabric, and then glued it on, book-cover style.

This part was hard. Really hard. Probably THE most time-consuming part of the whole weekend.




 These things...were everywhere. I think we spent almost all of Saturday at Kinko's (then The Foliage and I went back at 1:30 in the morning to have them re-trim the board games just a leeeeeeettle bit, because they were too big for the cardstock covers. Luckily the guy did this for us for FREE because we'd been there ALL DAY and we looked crazed and red-eyed and didn't even realize there were fireworks outside. That's when the customer is most definitely right: when they maybe have a gun and no more reason to live. Discounts, discounts, discounts. That guy might be the reason I'm alive today. Thanks, Kinko's guy!

Sunday was fabric-gluing day. And GUESS WHAT there's only ONE gluing implement that works for this. I don't even know what it's called. It's some multi-purpose glue stick, but it's the only one I'd ever heard of in my life. Liquid glues didn't get sticky fast enough and also warped the cardstock. Other glue sticks weren't thick enough. We cleaned out several craft stores of these particular glue sticks, and when it was all gone, I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried. Or maybe I just leaned back in my chair and scrunched up my face. Crying seems too energetic for that point in my life. Some of the fabrics were thin and absorbed glue easily and were great. Others...not so much. What can I say? I like upholstery fabrics. I got excited. I DIDN'T KNOW. Now I know. If I did this project again, I'd use only lightweight fabrics. NOT VELVETEEN or CRAZY POLYESTER FAKE SILK. Yeesh.

 Once the fabric was all glued, we left the covers to dry while we went to the store to get closures. Our initial plan had been clasp dealies like on super secretpants diaries. But we couldn't figure out how the eff to attach these without committing suicide. Eventually we decided on stretchy gold thread. BAM done. It wrapped around the right-side panel, from top to bottom, and when the invitation was closed, the left-side panel slipped underneath. Self-closure. Love.

Then we started the ever-so-joyous task of gluing the board games into the covers. I almost called off the wedding a few times during this.


That stack of "completed" items grows so. so. slowly. And hey! There are the magical glue sticks! I still can't read the brand. And next to them is the last-resort glue. We used two tubs of that ish, and it made me want to hurt small and innocent things. Once those were allllll glued, we folded them to make sure the folds were scored.

Then we took self-sticking photo corners, and used them to make our enclosure pockets. I don't have any pictures of this step-by-step, but here's how we did it:

-Hold the enclosure card(s) in one hand
-With the other hand, peel off two or four photo corners
-Place those photo corners on the applicable corners of the enclosures (our ceremony card - on the center panel - got four photo corners, and the side-panel inserts got two photo corners along their bottom edges)
-Flip it over and stick it down.

This method ensures that the photo corners are flush with the edges of the enclosures. Otherwise you're doing everything right-side-up and accidentally sticking to and destroying your beautiful board game. And then setting things on fire in anger.We affixed our game pieces to the fronts of the invitations using the photo corners, as well. Instead of a monogram or logo. HEY GUYS IT'S OUR FACES GUESS WHAT THIS THING IN YOUR MAIL IS. Was more the aesthetic we employed.

THEN. Oh my gawd then. Then we realized that MAYBE THIS DIDN'T FIT IN A STANDARD ENVELOPE. Because we used a standard-sized mailer as our initial template but GEEZ there had been a lot of changes since then! Eventually we figured out that we could shove them (even the super thick ones) into standard-sized envelopes, and shove them we did.

Luckily the RSVP cards fit into a smaller version of the same envelopes, which was handy. And we printed the main invitations' return address labels on clear sticker label paper, which were the perfect size to address the RSVP card envelopes. Multitasking! We were originally going to have the RSVP cards formatted as postcards, but then we worried about something labeled "Western Union" going through the mail. Seemed risky.

Buuuut then we noticed that we had no idea what order the names were in the database. Oh, did I mention there was a database? I highly recommend having a nerd in your life (in this case, my dad) who can build you a database to track your guests. Invited to which events? What restrictions? Have they responded yet? Do you HAVE the RSVP card in-hand? This thing CONTINUES to save my life. Anyway, we knew we wanted to track the cards by guest, but by this point it was preeeeeetty late on Monday night. And we still had to drive home to Maryland.

Mom and The Foliage try to figure out a system of keeping the invitations straight.


It didn't work. The RSVP numbers (which we penciled on the back) matched NOTHING. So. Only a couple came back without guests' names, though, and they were easy enough to track down. Thanks to the database. Shyeah! As we numbered stacks and loaded them into a box to take home, Mom hand-lettered the names and addresses on the envelopes. She's a calligrapher and we'd had grand calligraphy plans...but we were super sleepy. And she has super nice handwriting. And also now I kind of think envelope calligraphy might be a waste, anyway. Inadvertent time-saving decisions! Hooray!

We loaded them all into our car, and then stuffed the envelopes when we got home, unable to stop working on these damn things.


Then The Foliage spent half his Tuesday at the post office, paying something like $2 per envelope because they were considered "packages" due to the rigid edges. To say they were well-received would be a crazy understatement. Our photographer specifically posted about them on Facebook. We got tons of compliments via text, phone call, RSVP card, and in-person. Apparently they looked Wild West inspired, though? Probably because Mom insisted on putting a gun graphic on the rehearsal dinner card. Of course.

If I had to do this all over again, I would

-Design earlier (DUH this is my self-promise after every craft project ever)
-Use thinner paper for the board game (this was too rigid and buckled, especially in the ones that had thick fabric covers)
-Use thinner and non-unravelly fabric
-Maybe use thicker cardstock for the cover. Maybe one that's got a two-score fold.
-Order five cases of the magic glue sticks
-Not spend several hundred of my dollars
-Plan layouts for easier cutting out of components and making SURE inserts fit in chosen envelopes

But in the end they're pretty awesome. I'm pretty sure we won the Invitation Olympics, and really that's what it was all about for me. So. BAM.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

i am a gentleman

I was totally, totally planning to post an entry on the wedding invitation making process today. But then the other night my computer threw a tantrum and now it is died. Hopefully the hard drive's OK, but the computer itself is totally unusable. While I'm glad this didn't happen pre-wedding (I might've killed myself. Maybe.) it's still annoying. And I'm in the midst of planning an inspiration shoot for my business*, with a few other businesses, and it's happening in under 2 weeks. So I really need to have computer access.
 
Which is depressing...? A little? That I feel like I can't survive without a computer or the Internet.
 
Anyway, not the point. The point is that I went all kinds of Ma Ingalls in the wake of technology.
 
I went to the farmer's market across the street and got 2 (free-range, organic, locally-raised) chickens, a bunch of produce and eggs. Then I made, like, a gallon of ferreal broth**. I strained that ish with cheesecloth and everything! I'm so official. And we have, like, a ton of super tender, home cooked chicken, ready to go into things.
 
Like, for example, an awesome taco filling mixture, which I made last night in one of our cast-iron pans. Which I love. LOVE. Oh, goodness, they're unwieldy, but they're SO AWESOME. The Foliage inherited a set of five from his grandfather, and then we got two for free at a moving sale when we were in the process of buying our house. So we have seven gooooorgeous cast iron pans. Well, mostly gorgeous. A couple of them were left to soak for too long or weren't seasoned properly. They might not make it. So last night we got coconut oil at the grocery store (because Keeper of the Home recommends it as a saturated fat, and I believe everything posted on that site ever), and then I scoured and seasoned all of the pans. ALL OF THEM. I am going to make eggs in those things so. hard. You don't even KNOW. I love.
 
Also purchased at the farmer's market: a bushel of apples. An entire bushel. Or a basket? I don't know official apple-units-of-measurement. Whatever, they weren't selling them by the pound, just by the [basket], and there were SO MANY I COULDN'T LEAVE WITHOUT THEM OMG. So I got a basket of ones that looked like a good cooking and eating variety. Apparently they're called stayman. In any case, I have approximately one bajillion of them now, and there are TWO of us in our home. Two. Soooo I'm probably going to have to make an apple pie or seven. Anyone wanna visit? Anyone? I'll make you tacos and something with chicken broth and give you slices of pie. Don't think this deal is going to come around again, either - as soon as I have a computer my ass will be back on the couch, stalking grade school crushes.
 
*Shut the Front Door, an event and photoshoot rental company, providing props and styling in the DC metro area (and probably beyond. I like promising to go to places without looking at maps.).
**I cooked the chickens in our crockpot, a la this tutorial (though my crockpot only fit one bird at a time), then put the bones in the stockpot and cooked them down, according to these instructions as well as these.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

ooh babeh babeh

 
This is the part where I tell you about our life timeline. Lifeline? No. Timeline. Or timelife, maybe. I don't know. Like when we think we're going to have kids and the like. At the risk of jinxing all of our plans. Because how can I whine (I mean blog...BLOG!!) effectively if you don't know the background?
 
Ooooh now you know there's some whining on its way. Aren't you excited?
 
So I really want to be a mom. I just always have. Always. There has never been a day in my existence when I thought I didn't want to eventually be a parent. And - what luck! I took the Myers-Briggs personality type test recently, and my type is INFP or "The Idealist" which is apparently a "natural parent." So that's handy, albeit surprising. I suspected I'd be a "natural scourge upon the Earth" or a "natural reason to avoid coming home." THANKS, SCIENCE.
 
I've put a lot of thought into parenting. You're shocked, I'm sure. I think CONSTANTLY about the things I do now that will/could affect my future babies. I've always done this. But it's never been so CLOSE or DEFINITE before. Hopefully, this time next year, I'll be pregnant. Really newly pregnant, but pregnant all the same. Because...ugh you're going to roll your eyes at me so hard...
 
I want to give birth in the spring. Because that's when it "feels" the most "natural" to give birth. Which is a totally stupid reason! I know! I'm even putting my reasons in quotation marks because I can't believe the ridiculousness of myself! But GEEZ that's what we're doing. Also these factors came into play: not wanting to be super huge in winter (ice hazard + clumsiest human ever = ...oh noes) or summer (oooohhh the discomfort). Oh, also my birthday's in the summer, which is fun as an adult, but growing up was the WORST because everyone was always on vacation and parties had to be an embarrassing and awkward I-never-see-you-outside-of-school big deal instead of just cupcakes at lunch like all the other kids. And The Foliage's birthday is in winter, right before Christmas/Hannukah, so that had its own set of problems. And birthdays only really matter when you're a kid anyway.
 
So we're aiming for late spring births. Oh, yes, that's multiple. Because we both have a 3-kid minimum rule. You don't grow up in families like ours and then feel like 1 or 2 kids is acceptable. I mean, for families who want that, that's fine. But we think, "where's the challenge in that?? Just 2?!" Eventually I'm going to eat my words on this SO HARD but 2 kids is like taking a nap. For now. To me. And, you know, maybe some will be adopted. We're not ruling that out. In fact, if it turns out that we can't conceive, I will have no reservations at all about adopting. Pre-engagement, that had been my plan for nearly 10 years. But then I read "The Kid" which is all about Dan Savage's process in adopting his son, and one of the adoption agency people told the adopters a bunch of reasons they should not have for adopting, and several of them were on my personal reasons list. So. Also, The Foliage and I moved into our house together, and I started feeling like, "ummm...I need there to be more of you in the world. Maybe, like, 4 more."
 
With the expectation that I'll be pregnant next summer/fall, and giving birth the following spring, that brings us to: LOGISTICS! So fun!
 
We currently live in a fairly large 1-bedroom apartment, in an area that we LOVE. We really have no desire to leave. And I think more space is underrated a lot of the time anyway. We figure we can have at LEAST one baby in this apartment. S/he'll sleep in a bassinet in our room for several months, and then we'll convert the dining area to be a nursery later. And I can probably get pregnant again and bassinet baby #2 before we really need to find another place.
 
Any parents reading this are probably thinking this is unrealistic. And it probably is. If we get there and realize we just can't live with that many humans in our apartrment, we'll figure it out then. But right now, it's looking like we won't HAVE to move until 2015. Assuming babies are born two years apart. And then we'd like to buy a house where we can raise all of de babehs. Preferably REALLY CLOSE to where our apartment is now.
 
What all of this really comes down to is this:
 
This is my last holiday season as a non-parent, non-pregnant person. If all goes according to plan. Which it might not. But if it DOES, I won't have a carefree Halloween or New Year's Eve ever again. So I feel all sorts of self-applied PRESSURE to LIVE IT UP and WEAR SHORT SPARKLY THINGS. But nowhere to go. Because I'm also really really enjoying being married and the you're-not-invited snuggling. As are most of my friends. So no one's throwing any parties. And I don't really have anywhere TO throw a party. But I need to figure something out. I don't know if I'll regret missing the opportunity to black out as 2012 makes it's debut, but why take that chance, you know?
 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

secret agent man

I meant for last night's post to have text. But apparently blogger disagreed with my choices. So. Anyway.
 
The picture was taken at the very end of dinner at La Tasca. Which we chose because we could get tapas again, for the first time post-honeymoon. And also because one of The Foliage's coworkers gave him a gift certificate there as a wedding gift.
 
Here are the 3 best wedding gifts, ever, in my opinion:
-Cash
-Gift certificates to places you KNOW FOR A FACT the couple spends money frequently
-A fireproof and waterproof safe
 
Who doesn't need an impervious safe?! Right? And who ever registers for one? GENIUS. My mom's coworker gave us one of these, and I cheered out loud about it, I was so excited. Also he filled it with cash so UMMM 67% of all the awesomeness options available were present.
 
Oh, also, anything from the registry. Which should go without saying, but I guess a lot of people don't like buying off of the registry? Based on the non-registry gifts we got. A lot of gifts were, shall we say, way off-registry.
 
Man. Now it sounds like I'm whining about my wedding gifts. Geez. What an ass. I'm not complaining, I swear. Just trying to help out the common wedding guest. Because pre-engagement I didn't like to buy off the registry or give cash either. It felt too impersonal. But I'm telling you...it isn't. The recipients will love you. And there were some exceptions - one of my mom's cousins sent us a GORGEOUS, handmade (by her) blanket. It is the coziest motherf*cking thing I have every wrapped around myself in my entire life. That right there is a winner. Probably can't go wrong with a blanket, as a general rule. And I would tell you which specific types of items to avoid, but the people who gave those to us might read this and hate my guts forever. So I won't. Just stick to the registry.
 
Anyway. This is about our monthaversary. We had a pretty great dinner at La Tasca, and then decided mid-dinner that we should probably see a movie. I mean, the theatre's on our walk home. And also we have a bunch of Fandango vouchers. And also we needed to be rewarded for not busting out any divorce lawyers' phone numbers in the past month. Yes? Yes.
 
So we went and saw "The Debt" which came out recently and has Helen Mirren and Jessica Chastain as secret agents. I'm sure you saw the previews. Well, it was pretty disappointing. It wasn't awful, but it really could have done a lot better. Usually when movies have messed up romantic storylines, it makes me super grateful for my relationship, and makes me want to be all kinds of cuddly. But, for one thing, I totally knew what was going to happen all the time, and for another, I didn't care about any of the stuff that was happening. Or the characters. So I felt exactly the same about my relationship post-movie, which was kind of disappointing. You know. As far as feelings-upon-exiting-the-theatre go. The film made me shocked-jump a few times, but that was it.
 
But as far as my real life ish goes, being married basically feels like being cuddled all. the. time. This feeling probably isn't sustainable, and in a while I won't remember what it feels like to not be married, so I won't even notice the difference.
 
The bottom line is I love being a newlywed. I hope I like it as much every time I get married.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

monthaversary dinner

one month later

The Foliage: (upon waking) Hm, I think I have a bit of a headache. That's a bummer.
 
Ceej: You know what else is a bummer?
 
The Foliage: Mm?
 
Ceej: Being married to such a pussy.

Monday, October 3, 2011

totally not me

Sooooo hypothetically speaking, if one's left-big-toe had been numb for, oh, 30+ hours...what should one do?