Thursday, June 14, 2012


The night before last I made one of the top 3 worst meals I've ever created in my life. It was supposed to be Lamb Rogan Josh. But maybe I scorched my spices? Or the coconut milk? Because holy CRAP. It's disgusting. I added a bunch of sea salt, which makes it kiiiiind of bearable. But geez. I'm so annoyed I wasted a pound of lamb meat (and the time to trim and cube it because good KRISTE lamb shoulders are pains in the ass to de-bone), an entire can of coconut milk, half an onion, and heaping tablespoons of spice mix. I fished out the chunks of meat, hoping to salvage them with a different sauce, but the rest went down the drain (because we don't have any space for a compost heap geeeeeeez).
One of my other worst meals was a carrot soup I made when I was 12, I think. If I remember correctly it came from an American Girl cookbook (probably Samantha because she was my JAM). Mom was gone for...something. I don't remember. And it took me ALL. DAY. Cooking the carrots and mashing them up and adding the other stuff and letting it cook down.
And HAHAH self I'm an idiot and read "teaspoons" as "tablespoons" for the salt amount.
Dad had been working hard on something (I think finishing the basement) this entire time, and I was so excited to make lunch fo him. But I served it so late, and I'd put so much time and energy into the soup there wasn't anything else to go with it. And he sat down, starving, to his least-fun-ever-liquid-lunch, and...terrible. It was so so bad. I tasted it and thought it was horrible. But he ate all of it. Very slowly. With lots of bread (which mercifully we already had in the drawer...pretty sure he had about half a loaf).
Also one time when I was (maybe) 8 or 9 Mom asked me to help make dinner while she was at work, and Sloppy Joe's were the request. So I put a GIGANTIC styrofoam tray of ground beef in the microwave. Directly out of the freezer. And when the glass plate thingie got sloppy I moved the operation into a casserole dish, then back into the microwave. And stopped every so often to scoop out undesirable liquid with a mug. And once it looked brown (my instructions had been "brown the meat") I poured a can of Sloppy Joe mix over it, and smashed that sh*t UP.
Every. Single. Day. I marvel that I haven't been directly responsible for any deaths yet. Between this and my driving record, I just...I'm kind of a menace.
I've gotten much better, though! I finally learned about smoke points of cooking fats and we have a TON of cast iron pans (which I even season properly OMG)! Here's some awesome stuff I've made recently:
-Sweet potato fries
-Kale sauteed with ghee and garlic
-Eggs. So many eggs. All the time. They're so cheap and filling and amazing!
-Sausage and peppers over cabbage "noodles"
-Mayonnaise (I make this every other week or so)
-Chicken broth (about once per month)
-Pumpkin chili (THIS. TAKES. 20. MINUTES. MAKE IT NOW. !!)
-Roasted Brussels sprouts
-Roasted beets
-Smashed carrots
-Spaghetti Bolognese with spaghetti squash "noodles"
-Asparagus roasted/steamed/sauteed
-Salmon filets
And other stuff. And The Foliage makes me delicious things too! We're a delicious-stuff-making-machine. But an entire pound of lamb??? It just hurts my soul.

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