Tuesday, August 21, 2012

when you said you were so happy you could die

So I guess the drawings are a little less gross now. Or maybe I've just been brainwashed by stupid pregsites into thinking that brains with tubes AREN'T the most disgusting things ever on the planet. I think it's mostly that when they show the profile, in the context of the mother's body, it's significant. Instead of being like, "You mean THAT little DOT is supposed to be my kid?!" I can clearly see SOME kind of [mutant] body in the mother's cross-section drawing. So it's more like a Thing. But it's still not like a fcking prune for crissakes.
It's weird that we won't have an ultrasound. I don't think I NEED one, it's just one of those things you kind of expect. It's strange that I've had pelvic ultrasounds in the past for NOT having a baby, and here we are...no ultrasound. Only 2 weeks until our first midwife appointment, and then we'll hopefully hear a heartbeat. I don't want to get worked up about the possibility of there not being a heartbeat, but it's tough. This whole thing is a lesson in giving up control, I think. As most people who know me personally can attest...I have just the teeeeeeensiest bit of control issues. So. Basically flying blind on this whole thing is pretty bizarre. But I think it's better than reading everything and getting completely overwhelmed and terrified, so here we are.
The Foliage commented recently on how attractive he finds pregnant-me to be. My hypothesis is a biological "hell yeah!" at knowing he's procreated. Second hypothesis is that my pregnancy boobs are RIDICULOUS. These things started out big, but this is just nuts. They're already uncomfortably large and I'm not even done with the first trimester yet. I've heard they get even bigger during breastfeeding. Blech! Such irony. Girls with large racks already have to do a lot of abdominal exercises to compensate for strain on their backs, but pretty soon I'll lose the ability to contract any stomach muscles except for my obliques, while my chest will be the biggest it's ever been. As will my stomach. I don't understand the evolutionary purpose of this. Usually I understand the why and flow of bodies' symbiotic relationships. But not this one.
Anyway, ye olde spouse thinks I'm wicked hot, and luckily the 1st trimester hasn't killed my sex drive like I know it has for SO many other women. I am CONSTANTLY grateful for this. I don't know if I could handle 3 months of being grossed out by sex. Hi, Mom and Aunt C! Hope you're enjoying this! The Foliage also commented that he's noticed that he feels more protective of me now. Specifically in crowds, being ready to kick anyone's ass for bumping into me. Which is VERY MUCH not his nature, but is pretty much my most favorite thing ever. I'm kind of tempted to goad passerby into being rude, just to see what happens. Because I'm a really ridiculously good person. Obviously.
Also OMG no one gets to know the names! No one. This has been pissing my dad off to NO end. We visited a couple weeks ago, and he kept trying to distract me so I'd forget and tell him. Then last night he called and said, "You know, your grandma wants to make a baby quilt, but she doesn't know what name to put on it." I reminded him that even if she KNEW the names, she wouldn't know the gender, so she wouldn't know WHICH name to use. So he asked how many syllables in each name. And then how many letters. And now he's even more confused than he was before he called. Here is what we know about the quilt: it will be green; it will include space for a maximum of 6 letters; it will be finished post-birth, so no showing it off at the baby shower. Grandma will be disappointed about that part. But we are not jaykaysies about this - no name reveal.
There was a discussion among my pregnant friends on Twitter yesterday, about not revealing the name, basically so they could change their minds later. Because the baby will look like a different name. Which I KNOW is totally possible. But our chosen names are too cool for that, so if our kid doesn't "look like" his/her name, WAY TO SHOW UP LAME, BABY. BETTER START GROWING INTO THIS ISH. No pressure.


miss alix said...

hi. i officially love your blog. that is all.

also, my mom changed my name (spelling at least) after i was born. so, yeah.

Carrie said...

3 Things:

1) My midwife couldn't find the baby's heartbeat at the 14 week appointment and everything was fine. Just want to put that out there in case the midwife has a hard time at your appt. Not a reason to worry! (I totally worried).

2) We didn't tell anyone our names until the baby was born (and didn't find out the sex either). There was some grumbling, but we were going with family names and we didn't want there to be an extra huge backlash/hurt people's feelings if we changed our minds. And it's nice to have some things in pregnancy that are just yours.

3) Yay! I love this post.

Swiss Miss said...

Um. I found the second trimester was when I had an unstoppable sex drive. Love, Mom

UseYourWords said...

Swiss Miss FTW. Also I thoroughly enjoyed this post about the mutant prune invader and the Foliage's Hulk-like response.

I feel like I knew this already but forgot - why have you guys chosen not to do a sonagram? Are there risks associated, or it's just not necessary, or you don't want to accidentally find out the sex of the baby? (I assume a sonagram at this point wouldn't show the sex anyway but what do I know.)

Leah said...

How is it possible that every pregnant post gets better than the last? Like oh em gee, slow down the awesomeness!
And consider this enough for me to start twitter bombing you for name hints. DAILY. Wonder if Anthony is up for the challenge?

Jo said...

a) You're hilarious and I love these.
b) I love your hypotheses about the reasons. They're great.
c) I love the mellow guy gone super-protective. It's hot.

d) keep it up.