Laying in bed, almost midnight:
Me, to my stomach: Hey, kid! Wanna hear a bedtime story? OKGREAT! Once upon a time, your father wouldn't turn off the goddamned lamp, and your mommy was soooooo tiiiiiiiired-
The Foliage: What the?
Me, still to Sprout: And he had to play with ALL the apps - not just some of them. Oh, look! Now he's mapping things! The fck are you mapping?
TF: I'm seeing where my friends are!
Me: ...there's nothing on that map
TF: I have no friends
Me: Turn off the goddamned lamp.
(Lamp is off. iPad continues to glow.)
(iPad is turned off.)
Me: And they both slept happily ever after until 7 o'clock!
TF: (Shifts arm to cover my mouth.)
We can barely even put ourselves to bed, how are we supposed to calm a freakin' infant?