This weekend my 3rd sister (if you count my cousin, which I do) graduated from college. Hooray! She also LUNGED AT THE PODIUM TO CORRECT THE PRONUNCIATION OF HER NAME DURING THE FORMAL COMMENCEMENT. Heh. I guess she still gets the degree, though. So that's handy.
And we decided to still go out to lunch afterwards because GEEZ we'd already made reservations and braved the graduation traffic. So we went to Big Fish, and lunch was pretty good. What was NOT pretty good was having to leave the saltines and horseradish and cocktail sauce they put on the tables. Automatic/free food = MY JAM. Especially when it's strange condiments. I have eaten bowls of guacamole with a fork and nothing else (in fact, on day 1 of my Whole 30 challenge...note to self: ask dinner companions if they have food allergies before ordering $11 guacamole appetizers). So not eating that stuff was hard. But I got past it.
But then. The end of the meal came. And of course the graduate should get dessert! 3 out of 5 of us could not partake (Mom - Atkins, me and Aunt C - paleo), so we gazed longingly at the dessert selection on the menu and shut our eyes in agony at the verbal listing of dessert specials. My sister ordered the bread pudding (with motherfcking sabayon AND chocolate sauces), and when it came, it was a behemoth. I looked at that stomachace-inducing beast, and lo...it was beautiful. But too big to finish.
So she asked for a box, which I (bravely) held steady for her. And as she was scraping the god.damned.sauces. on top of the bread, she said, "It smells like French Toast." And I immediately thought, "I would hurt a small child for some French Toast." And my mother and aunt looked at each other and whispered, "french toast...fuck," and crumpled into heaps of longing.
Overall I'm still enjoying my Whole 30 experience, and am doing really well with sticking to it. But if you're trying to avoid food-related temptation, don't go to lunch with my sister. Don't mispronounce her name to a packed ballroom full of people, either, asshat, because she will Kanye the ish out it.