Wednesday, January 16, 2013

face the music

 
The Foliage and I are discussing childcare. And. Oh my good gawd. Have you heard the horror storeis? They're all true. Initial plan: sister-in-law nannies for us in our house! Except. We can't seem to figure out what the eff the actual schedule is. And it looks like paying her a fair wage will cost like 33% of my income or something? I refuse to pay less than what I'd expect to earn for the same work. (Which is apparently 1/3 of what I make now...not sure what this says about me.)
 
On THAT note: I totally made out in this payroll tax thing! I filed for DCAP (you can defer up to $5k of your income to be paid out pre-tax for childcare expenses per year) and the reduction of my gross pay lowered my tax rate so I actually wound up being taxed $20 less AFTER the tax change! Hooray maths! Anyway.
 
Here's a fun thing: The Foliage keeps suggesting we hire a person who doesn't NEED money (like a retiree who'd be doing it to supplement their income). The following conversation ensues repeatedly
 
Me: Yeah, but that'd cost the same as paying [sister]
TF: What? We could totally set up a deal where we pay them sub-minimum wage.
Me: I'd insist on paying them a fair wage.
TF: You're being ridiculous.
Me: I WORK FOR A GODDAMN LABOR UNION
TF: What's the point of retired people, then?
Me: You're right. I have no idea. What IS the point of them? Did we definitely decide Soilent Green isn't OK?
 
Having a baby seemed so affordable until we realized we had to PAY someone to WATCH the thing. Though a couple in our midwife group brought up the idea of doing a nannyshare with them, and they live about a mile away from us, so it might be a zillion percent ideal.
 
Kid! You are upside down! Know how I know? The midwife told me, and also had me SQUISH YOUR FACE today. Your actual face. I squished it. Hopefully I've stemmed any Roman-nose-issues you may have inherited from me. Also you hiccup A LOT and do so right next to my bladder, Which is simultaneously endearing and gross and awkward.
 
"OMG TINY HICCUPSSSSSSS....but wait, that's right next to a sack of my urine...gross...and also how do you get hiccups in an airtight environment" and on and on and on. Pregnancy. Is the weirdest.
 

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