Tuesday, February 26, 2013

training

 
Currently watching Parenthood on Netflix, and oh man. It's so good. And also pretty much tailor-made for Bringing Up Shit.
 
Because my Favorite Thing is bringing up potential parenting situations to The Foliage to make him RESPOND! IMMEDIATELY! He loves it. It makes him so excited and not at all anxious. Several of our most significant disagreements have been over Things I've Decided Our Stupid Kids Want To Do or Will Do. Like, what do you do when your kid is given a curfew on prom night and they want to push it back? Or, are we paying for art college? Or, what's our response when our kid gets suspended for miming the use of a grenade? 
 
For the most part, on the issues that arise on the show, we're in agreement. But last night we reached an impasse:
 
If a kid confides in one of us that they're sexually active, do we tell the other? The Foliage says yes, definitely. You have to tell me. I say, no. Maybe. But probably not. It depends on what kind of relationship you have with the kid. Obviously I'm anticipating him having a fantastic relationship with our kids, but I've always had a fantastic relationship with my dad and I would NOT have wanted him to know when I started having sex. Even in retrospect that idea makes me squirmy with discomfort.
 
There are plenty of things I thought were a big deal when I was a teenager that really weren't, that I shouldn't have worried about so much. This is not one of those things. If Mom had told Dad (maybe she did, I have no idea, but I doubt it because I don't remember any period of time when he couldn't look me in the eye or attempted to murder my boyfriend) I would have been SO so so hurt.
 
When one of my sisters told me she'd slept with her boyfriend, I felt like someone had reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. The Foliage...does not have this relationship with his siblings. They speak openly about their sexual experiences (well, TF did until we were together, and I requested he significantly reduce the jaw flappery). They don't feel protective or parental toward one another. For him, the idea with not being OK with a family member having sex is just unfathomable.
 
I think he's underestimating how it would feel to have a daughter.
 
If this kid is a girl, once I hand her over to him, and he's looking down at her feeling totally overwhelmed and in love, I'm totally totally going to say, "I am so not telling you when she has sex."
 

3 comments:

pinchofthis said...

Please take a photo of his face when you say that.

We definitely had a similar conversation last night while watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix (we're in the first season).

meggieD said...

Haha. Aw. Brings back sweet memories of being pregnant with my son. Now I'm too busy scraping lipstick off the bathroom wall and constantly picking up spilled food, regathering packages of wipes, soothing a five-year old who hates school and thinks I love his sister more than him to go over hypotheticals.

There is a lot of hard parenting to come between here and teenagers having sex! First, newborns are really really hard. No one tells you that after the first few days they are needy blobs who can't communicate and make you feel thoroughly incompetent for six months.

If my kids tell me they had sex I will frigging cry with joy to know I did something right in my life!

meggieD said...

And, yeah, holy god. I feel so awful for what I put my mom through as a teenager! Ugh. I shiver to think of what I have coming.