Monday, May 6, 2013


Since I'm home ALL the TIME now I keep thinking I should paint my nails. Then I remember that my kid wakes up at THE most inconvenient times, and also that nail painting has never brought me anything but sadness. I am incapable of waiting for the paint to completely dry, so I always end up with at least one nail that has a fingerprint relief on it. I get paint all over my cuticles. And apparently you're supposed to paint multiple layers or something? Which is so much more waiting! And when I'm done I invariable think my hands look weird and stubby (except with clear nail polish, I don't hate the immediate results of that stuff). Then I get too lazy to use nail polish remover, and just chip off the paint over the course of a month. Which looks...super classy.

So basically try as I might to be fancy, it just doesn't work. The most I can ever muster up is marginally-more-fancy-than-other-times. 

Old ladies are the worst. That's not a thing a person is supposed to say, but good sweet mother! Getting around with an infant takes way longer than it reasonably should. Getting around with an infant, in a place with old ladies, takes like 7 times longer than that. In the grocery store, they seriously follow me around so they can casually comment when I accidentally turn towards them. And by "comment" I mean ask all their small-talk-baby-related-questions, ultimately closing with: "enjoy it!"

Fck everyone who tells me to "enjoy it." I AM ENJOYING IT. I would enjoy it a lot more if I didn't have to stop and humor strangers all the time! 

The other thing old ladies do is to talk smack on new moms' choices. Look. Moms kind of suck. We are accidentally (and I guess sometimes not accidentally) terrible to each other all the time. But I try to keep company only with the ones who aren't as awful and don't just assume that the way they're doing things is THE way to do things. Apparently no one's reviewed the latest memos on "supporting the sisterhood" to these women, because they have NO qualms about telling a mother-to-be that the co-sleeper she registered for is a completely dumb product (in front of the person who bought said co-sleeper). 

I wonder if calling out "old ladies" for being crappy to younger ladies is hypocritical. OKFINE. It's really just the old ladies I don't know. Take heart, Grandma! You are not the worst. But your friends might be.

We are trying to plan our yard/garden, and it is stressful. We'd gotten really good at talking all plans to death so we were ONE ZILLION PERCENT aware of each other's expectations before proceeding, but now we start talking about expectations and then like magic BABY SHRIEKING. And oh what were you saying? Um...not sure...what do you want for dinner? So when we went out to look at fire pits yesterday, we were each totally surprised to learn that the other wanted to DIY a fire pit. While we were in the store of fire pits. With the stroller and the bottle of pumped milk, and the other errands waiting, and getting hangry because grabbing food was one of the errands, and NEWSFLASH hanger isn't helpful for effective communication.

Really excited for this whole "new normal" thing to kick in. Any day now, please.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

I am so happy to see you posting! (And am also impressed that you guys are planning to garden this year. We totally skipped it last year because of Baby Shrieking, but are definitely getting back on the garden wagon this year).