i would totally marry me if i could. totally.

beyond the help of even a venn diagram

2012-01-26T11:25:00.001-05:00

That cross-section of individuality and commitment to unity in marriage. It's sometimes a pain in the ass. Notably, when you really want one outcome to a situation, but the situation as a whole is really more your partner's domain than yours, and you have to trust that s/he has your best interests in mind and won't back down from obstacles. Even when you would really really like to be the person to address the obstacles yourself because OMG YOU ALWAYS HANDLE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS NOT DOING ANYTHING YOURSELF SUCKS.

Luckily, while we were laying in bed (once again consciously making ourselves late to work) this morning, we learned our bed is perfectly positioned and pointed for marital and family happiness. Per the Feng Shui Diva. So that's handy, I guess.

road trip

2012-01-19T15:08:00.001-05:00

Update on Paleo/Whole 30:

Swoon. I love it! I love love LOVE it! I really love the no-excuses, just-eat-the-healthiest-thing..ness. We made dinner plans with a friend a few weeks ago, not knowing at the time that I would soon rope my beloved into the most restrictive diet on the planet. So yesterday, trying to decide where to go, I suggested we just have her over for dinner. And I'm so up to date on my contents of my kitchen, and have so many foods ready to go already, that a last minute dinner "party" is not a big deal! That. Never. Happens.

Right now I've got boneless pork chops, in a spice rub, with (from scratch) chicken broth, cooking in a crock pot on my counter. When I get home I'll do a little dicing, a little mixing, a little steaming, a little baking, and BAM! Pork carnitas wraps (cabbage leaves instead of tortillas, P.F. Changs-style) with guacamole and sweet potato fries. With homemade mayo for dipping because I made homemade mayo last night and ZOMG AMAZEBALLS. I never knew I could love mayonnaise like this.

This weekend we're taking my youngest brother-in-law to Connecticut to see a school he was accepted to, and will be visiting my (namesake) aunt and uncle. And by "visiting" I mean "forcing ourselves upon them." Hooray family hotels! And visiting. Totally hooray visiting. And also my aunt works at a more different college, so there might be some sway-ful propaganda happening. It's going to be super action-packed. And it's going to snow up there! I get to see snow! Finally! I love snow. So so much.

Now trying to figure out snacks, though. We've got nuts, hard boiled eggs, and I'll slice up veggies to take with us, but...we'll have to brave the big bad world of commercial food at some point. I don't know if we have enough food or time to prep food to keep us on track the whole time.

If I had more time I would try my hand at jerky-making. We have a dehydrator and have been talking about doing this since we got it, but it just hasn't happened yet. And we don't have time to do any food-spiriments before we leave tomorrow. And most prepackaged jerky has significant amounts of soy and sugar, among other things. Maybe I'll cook up some chicken and put it in a cooler after cutting it into strips. And get some olives.

In any case, it's not impossible. I'm constantly surprised by how much I can do with the foods that ARE allowed, and how little effort it takes on my part. Just gotta figure out how to take this show on the road...

vitameatavegimin

2012-01-18T17:13:00.001-05:00

For the past few days I've felt really...out-of-focus. Like I wasn't processing things as quickly as usual. Less energetic. More sleepy.

A lot like how I've felt for my entire life, with the exception of the past 4-6 months (the same amount of time I've been dabbling in paleo AND have been taking vitamins regularly).

I had NO idea what was up. I knew it wasn't the diet because my blood sugar has felt great. Before starting Whole 30 I would crash ALL the time, and feel dizzy and nauseated before nearly every meal. That doesn't happen now.

So I was a little worried. And I told The Foliage about it. And he said, "Didn't you stop taking your B or D or whatever vitamin to do Whole 30?"

And then I remembered I'm a moron. I stopped taking my multivitamin (which contains B12 and has changed my LIFE via ENERGY) because it posed a minor threat to my Whole 30 compliance, due to traces of soy being in the pills. I replaced my vitamin D supplements with a gluten and soy-free option, but was unable to find a multivitamin that fit the requirements, so I just decided to forego multivitamins during the 30 days.

Big mistake. Dear Whole 9 People, I'm sorry. I'm totes sticking to EVERYTHING else. But I really need my multivitamin, or my life will go back to being one long naptime. LYLAS, Ceej (or CCTP if the government ever cuts me a break)

baby you can drive my car

2012-01-17T15:10:00.001-05:00

We joined a rock climbing gym last night! Oh, man. OH MAN. It is the funnest. I went rock climbing once in high school, and was HORRIBLE (legs shaking halfway up the wall, paralyzed by fear, horrible). The Foliage went once around the same time and I'm guessing it went better. Because the guy's ridiculous and leaps over things and runs 10 miles for fun.

Last week we used a LivingSocial deal we'd bought for an introductory class at Earth Treks, a local climbing gym. (Annoyingly, it's across the street from our now-old apartment, so we COULD have been walking there for the past year if we'd known about it earlier. Luckily, we didn't move far, so it's only about 5 miles from our new place.) Couple-friends of ours joined us, and one of them is a ferreal climber, so after the class we tried out different climbs at the gym.

And. OMG. So fun. So so so fun. So so so HARD. I did way better than I thought I would, and as soon as I woke up the next morning, one of my first thoughts was, "I gotta go climbing. Like now." And obviously The Foliage is a huge fan of anything that's physical, ESPECIALLY if bright colors are involved, so he was immediately excited about it. So talking him into a membership took little to no effort.

We went again last night, just the two of us. I wanted to go without friends, so the only people I knew there would have vowed and signed that they'd love me forever. Even if I got stuck on a really ridiculously easy climb.

As we were taking turns climbing and belaying (being the person on the ground so the climber doesn't, um, die), I was thinking about what a great couple activity it is. A physical manifestation of being 100% vulnerable to another person. And working together but separately towards a common goal. Communication and helpful feedback is imperative. And taking feedback gracefully. Luckily we worked on that last one a lot when we did the Insanity workout program last spring. I am like a professional Foliage-advice-taker now. Which is handy, because not taking things personally is not my strongest attribute.

We both want to improve our rock climbing abilities, but I should note that I have NO desire to climb outside. None. Whatsoever. God did not create mountains with footholds in mind. Nature does not exist for the purpose of extreme sporting. People who do that are, in my opinion, fcking NUTS and should not be allowed to be in charge of their own well-being. Even people who lead climb (which means they clip in to carabiners as they climb, instead of having the constant assurance of an overhead rope at all times) inside are mental. To me. I'm not what you'd call "brave" or "adventurous" probably.

But now we have to buy climbing shoes and harnesses because the rental ones are total crap (I have climbing gear opinions! OMG!). And force ourselves to make time to go. As long as that motherfcker keeps his hand on the rope.

rok

2012-01-11T14:03:00.001-05:00

Today is Day 1 of my first Whole30. Or, I should say, it's OUR first Whole30. Because I totally wrangled my accommodating husband into doing it, too. But he's only committed to the super strict plan for the first week.

Here are the rules (if you don't want to click on the link). For 30 days:

-No grains (including corn)

-No legumes (including peanuts/peanut butter and ESPECIALLY soy products of any kind)

-No added sugars. The only sweeteners allowed are fruit juices.

-No dairy except clarified butter or ghee.

-No alcohol (even wine for cooking)

-No white potatoes. Because people use them too much as a crutch for the absence of grains.

-No "processed foods" (containing carageenan, MSG or sulfites)

-Caveat to legumes ban: green beans, snow peas and snap peas are OK because they are WAY more (fibrous) pod than legume

So that leaves us with meats (grass-fed, free-range), vegetables and fruit (avoiding GMOs), eggs, and nuts. And seeds. And cooking exclusively with olive oil, coconut oil, rendered fats and clarified butter, rather than vegetable and canola oils. Oh and of course mushrooms are allowed. Because they're the best thing ever to exist on the planet. Duh.

At first when I brought this up to The Foliage, he was of course a little put off. But then realized that he'd unintentionally started eating more along the lines of paleo rules anyway, because that's how I had been eating/cooking/stocking the kitchen. And that even when he went out to eat, he trended towards paleo-approved foods. But he's still not as convinced about the whole thing as I am, which is understandable, so I'm SO grateful that he's even committed to 7 days of depriving himself of gummy candies.

Here's why I'm convinced: I've spent a LOT of time over the past several years reading up on different diets, not for weight loss, but for maximum nutrition. I never come across the different pieces of information when I'm looking for them, they just show up in my life. And are completely unaffiliated. But they all seem to be saying the same things. Human stomachs aren't meant to digest dairy and soy and other legumes. Traditionally, responsibly raised animals provide nutritious meat and organs and bones for making healing broth. Antibiotics kill your immune system and should be completely avoided.

This isn't about weight loss, it's about being as healthy as possible. And when I follow paleo rules, even when I've half-assed them, I don't have upset stomachs after every single meal. Which I can't remember ever happening in my life before. Like, ever. I've been diagnosed with the illusive IBS and prescribed ineffective pills. I've become a ginger tea connoiseur. Nothing has helped my stomach the way paleo has.

And I do want to note that I don't think that the foods I ate growing up were bad. Just because I don't want to eat them now doesn't mean I'm upset that I ate them before. I lived in a WAY healthier house than most kids I knew. In fact, I feel like the values I was raised with are the reason I'm so drawn to this diet now.

So here are the snacks I packed myself today:

-2 hard boiled eggs

-1 orange

-1/4 cup mixed raw almonds and cashews

-3 large carrots, sliced

I also have a couple of Larabars at my desk (and I just saw this recipe which I'm pretty excited to try at home) but I doubt I'll dig into them today unless I have a serious sweet craving.

This also means we totally gorged last night. Founding Farmer's is...amazing. And union-owned! Awesome! Besides being an all-around responsible business, everything they make is incredible. In. Cre. Di. Ble. I think Step 1 of my life after completing the Whole 30 will be to sidle up to their bar and order a Constitution...dios mio...

aaaaaaaaaaalligator

2012-01-03T16:09:00.001-05:00

Picture:

Me. 15 years old. Small town in Ohio. SMALL town. Attending the small town's country high school. Not even the town's main school. The one next to a highway, across the road from a cow pasture. Braces. No idea how to work a hair dryer at the same time as a hair brush. School's most advanced classes are "college-prep" level. No honors. No advanced placement. So many pickup trucks.

See:

Me. Wanting to get the eff. out.

The way that people got out of my town (or claimed they were going to, with the full support of their parents) was through sports. I was aware that this was (1) unrealistic, and (2) not gonna work for me. Even if the town suddenly became a hotbed of recruiters...I would not be their pick. Ever. I knew I needed to get into college. A good college. With mad of them scholarships.

Cue:

Extracurriculars.

I joined EVERY academic club the school offered, and was even a founding member of one (Spanish Club whaaaaaat). I wrote for and took part in publishing the school paper. I helped to run the school store. But there were so few options. So I went to the guidance counselor's office at least once each week to ask about new opportunities opening up.

I know what you're thinking. How did I have time for extracurricular activities with all the dates I was going on?! Well, I'm as surprised as you are, guys.

But ferrealz I was surprisingly (to myself) popular, given the above circumstances. Probably because my boobs have been impressive since I was, like, 11. And also I'm super fun geez! And also I'm not saying I was A group, but before high school I'd definitely been D or E group at best (in a class of under 20 people...peeing yourself continually will really help with that) so being B or C group was a BIG DEAL for me (hooray bladder control!!).

Anyway, so the guidance counselor knew me. And when she was asked to solicit the sophomore class for student ambassador applications to the South-Central Ohio HOBY conference, she just handed it to me. I didn't even have to compete with legit popular girls! It was immediately mine! And then when I went home and told my mom, she said SHE had been her school's HOBY ambassador in Indiana! WE WERE A F*CKING LEGACY! (Cue: pressure for my future kids...don't let me down, jerks.)

So. I went. And holy. mother. it was incredible.

I'd been raised to be compassionate and caring, of course, but it wasn't until I went to HOBY that I realized that I could creative positive change in a real way. And that I had to take responsibility for generating the changes I wanted to see. That so many issues/organizations/people needed ME and they didn't care about my credentials or age, they just wanted some damn help!

I blame HOBY for my inability to stay motivated at jobs that will earn me good money, but do no good for humanity. Thanks for severely curbing my earning potential, guys.

The conference really made me think about public education, and that's remained my primary area of interest ever since. For a while, I wanted to be a lobbyist for educational issues. Until I realized I'd need a poli sci degree, which was not happening. Also it was before I realized that I would never be able to have a job just to have a job - that I'd need to give a sh*t about the overall mission of my employer to keep showing up to work every day. Which I only realized about myself within the past few months. So. Way to go, self. In any case, after the conference I continued to feel passionately about service to my community, but never thought about getting involved with HOBY again. Although I've often credited it as being a defining moment in my life.

Bottom line:

A blog and twitter friend (shuddup) had a HOBY profile picture, which I asked her about, and then it struck me - Hey! She's an adult and also involved with HOBY! I'M an (I guess whatever) adult and I can totally get involved with HOBY! OMG!! And now she's set me up with a DC contact! So I can get involved again!

I. Cannot. Wait. To do things with this incredible organization and post about it here.

And also SERIOUSLY futurekids. Make friends with your guidance counselor. Or I'll make you mow the lawn. Twice.

(I'm not going to go through and link every single time I mentioned HOBY, so here are the relevant links:

Look them up and get involved, and pressure your HS sophomore friends and family to look into their local conferences)

last night

2011-12-29T13:04:00.001-05:00

Sometimes your husband wants to take an innocent trip to World Market to stock up on his favorite tea, which is on sale, using an online coupon. A totally reasonable and financially responsible endeavor! And other times you, the illustrious spouse, decide hey! I want to go too! And your husband is all, "yay, I love when we do things together!"

And after he picks you up at the metro you make him spend over an hour of his life in that goddamned store while you SCOUR every INCH of the shelves (so many tiny things!!) and end up spending a zillion more of your collective dollars than he'd ever planned.

But. Consider the spoils.

You do not even understand how much I love ginger and how kickass this is going to make all my grownup drinks.

Whaaaat this thing is so badass and means I can bring soup to work IN MY PURSE!! Life: made.

Oh, like you're surprised there's another ginger thing on this list. Have you been paying attention at all?

You have no idea the level of self-restraint I exercised. There was SO MUCH COOL STUFF. And oh man. I didn't even notice the jewelry section until we were checking out and The Foliage wouldn't let me go look. I wonder if World Market sells divorces?

zomg

2011-12-27T16:20:00.001-05:00

Over the long weekend, The Foliage and I went to the DMV in Delaware to change our names.

Let's set the stage, shall we?

1. For the purposes of this post, The Foliage's full name since birth has been Foliage Edward Mopsy

2. His mother's maiden name was Flopsy

3. My full name since birth has been Ceej Cottontail

4. I was confirmed in the Catholic church with the name "Cecilia" when I was 13, but have never legally had a middle name

5. We would like our legal names to be Foliage Edward Flopsy Mopsy and Ceej Cecilia Flopsy Mopsy

6. The Social Security Administration (SSA) totally let us do this without any problems, regardless of gender, or the fact that the marriage license doesn't mention my middle name. They mailed us our new social security cards, with the correct new names a few days later.

6a. We even specifically asked about needing a court order to change our names.

6b. And were told the marriage license IS the court order.

7. The Division of Motor Vehicles (DMV) website says we just need our old driver's licenses, the marriage license, and to have changed names at the SSA already. Perfect!

OK. Now.

8. We go to the DMV. The right DMV. Not the dumbest DMV ever in the history of the world. Like, a month after getting our new social security cards so we are DEFINITELY IN THE STUPID SYSTEM.

9. There's no line! We only wait 5ish minutes! Hooray!

10. Go to separate windows. Foliage has the original of the marriage license, I have a copy.

11. At YOUR window, is a sassy middle aged black lady who is NONE too please to be working the Friday before Christmas.

11a. Not my (or your) problem.

11b. Oh, wait. Yes it is. Yes it so, so is.

12. Give her your old license, new social security card (with new and improved name!), and copy of marriage license.

13. Get ready...this is when you start getting raised eyebrows. The funnest of all DMV Christmas favors!

13a. Optional: your DMV representative ignores your explanations in favor of leaning over to the next DMV employee to discuss how ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS your proposed name change is

13b. Maybe also repeatedly tells you the SSA will basically change a person's name to anything and you can't just do that.

13c. ...

13d. Right. That's what the SSA is known for. Not caring about things.

13e. Step off it DELAWARE. Other states don't even reports traffic accidents to you because you are SO UNIMPORTANT YOU JERK.

13f. And you can't change your middle name anyway, [you idiot,] because that's not indicated anywhere on the marriage license.

13g. But what possible harm could changing a middle name have? And the SSA did it!!

13h. ...!!!!!

14. Your representative asks you for the original marriage license, which you retrieve, and she emits total confusion/borderline disgust that your HUSBAND HAS IT at ANOTHER WINDOW.

14a. Um, your husband can't change his last name.

14b. ...Why not?

14c. Because he's the husband.

14d. (summoning all the calm in the universe) I understand that that's not how it's normally DONE but why is that a RULE?

14e. (Nothing. Judgyface.)

15. Your representative tells you that you can be Ceej Mopsy or Ceej Cottontail. That's it. Would you like a new license for $10?

15a. No you stupid twunt, I do not want to spend $10 on a liarcense.

15b. Give me back my goddamned papers.

Stalk over to your husband's window

16. Mutter to yourself about how bullshitty this whole stupid thing is.

17. Every time you utter a profanity, notice the representative stop and stare at you, ceasing whatever he's doing.

18. The representative asks you not to curse because he doesn't appreciate it.

19. In your head:

19a. All the curses, ever

19b. Maybe you shouldn't work at a DMV you moron

20. Outside: teeth grinding

21. Your husband, in an effort to over-correct for your rage, is crazycalm and pays $10 for a license with Foliage Edward Mopsy on it. You know. The name on the license he ALREADY HAS.

22. Speedwalk to the car and arrive just in time to burst into ragetears.

Now we have to

23. Pay $100+ each to post a Notice of Name Change in a Delaware newspaper for 3 weeks, and have them send us an affidavit that we did so

24. Go to a Delaware Court of Common Pleas with affidavit, marriage license, kidneys on ice, original birth certificates, etc.

25. Maybe get approved, maybe not. Pay $78 + fees, each, for court appointment.

26. Wait? I think? For approval to come in the mail? I don't think we get it the same day as our court appointment. Which is awesome.

27. Go back to DMV.

28. Walk up to that stupid lady's window and drop the mic. After you get the new license, that is; you don't want to be escorted out by security or anything and then NOT get the license.

So that's at least $350 (probably more) and 2 days out of our respective offices. Because the DMV website was unclear. That's my main frustration: WE FOLLOWED ALL THE RULES THEY POSTED. Had they posted their ACTUAL rules, we would've been able to plan accordingly.

And apparently it's the turn of the 20th century yet again because, public notices in newspapers?? Seriously?! This blog should be public enough. Dear everyone, my new name is Ceej Cecilia Flopsy Mopsy. You have 3 weeks to disagree. I'll be printing out the comments to this post and taking them to court.

delusions

2011-12-27T12:45:00.001-05:00

It's really cute how my husband - who has the worst speeding ticket record on the planet - thinks he can go to court to argue his way out of new speeding tickets. To a judge who will have said record right in front of him.

The innocence is just so endearing.

so you're telling me you're buying and mailing a gift to a stranger

2011-12-21T23:45:00.000-05:00

You wanna know what I got in the mail today???

Well I'm not telling you.

Yeah OK fine. I got my NosyBitches gift! What the eff is that, you say? It's a gift exchange betwixt those Twitter users who employ the hashtag #wearenosybitches or just #nosybitches. Which grew out of the APW community. We're currently planning a largish-scale (probably camping) get-together. YEAH. It's a little intense.

I made The Foliage park the car and take pictures in the Kiss-And-Ride before running to catch my train, because I knew the all day anticipation might kill me. Behold, the magic:

Buckled up. Safety first.

This box was magical. Totally secure but not all taped up. This is maybe too much excitement for a box, but I think worth it.

I purposefully left these home so I wouldn't eat them at work. Now I've been home 2 hours and I've eaten at least half the box. Dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts?! Are you kidding me???

See? Super excited about this.

And itsy bitsy letterpress letters!!! In really super cute packaging!! I ruuuuuuv!!!!

My gifter (Kayce or @shinyprettybits) sent such a great, thoughtful gift. @bunniesnbeagles organized a fabulous exchange, and @cindysavage made handy-as-sh*t shareable spreadsheets so we could tell each other things like food allergies (did you notice how the edible portion of mine was paleo-friendly? Awwwww yeah!) without exposing the gifters.

The Foliage thinks I should make earrings out of the letterpress letters. I hadn't thought of this, and I like it, but I don't know if I'll do it. I just really like letterpress implements. We'll see. Maybe I'll use them to brand him...

living the dream

2011-12-20T15:05:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it occurs to me that my life is SO COOL. I work in Washington, DC - a place I never even knew for sure I would visit in real life. I'm married to one of the the funnest, non-judgiest human beings on the planet. I have incredible friends. And I have a job that not only keeps me financially comfortable and out of debt, but is also ethically fulfilling.

OK not necessarily fulfilling. Is there such a thing as feeling like you're being as responsible as you can be? Probably not, unless you don't care about anything. In which case your lack of action would be totally approp.

Anyway.

My point is that I know these things every day. But sometimes they just smack me in the face. Like today. At lunch I was walking around the city, buying Christmas presents. Yesterday? I went to an incredibly famous art museum to get a gift. And wandered around the galleries and admired the architecture. And today I walked to Logan Circle, through classic DC rowhouse-lined streets, to get another (perfect, if I do say so) present and lunch. Later I'll walk to an amazing yoga class, and then to the metro, which will take me home for under $5.

Middle school me is very. pleased. with herself. Well done, little lady.

tiny little sheeps

2011-12-19T10:43:00.001-05:00

It's Christmas week!! Oh, man, I am excited. Though I'm not entirely sure how December flew by so fast. Our cards haven't even come in the mail yet, and we still have to do crafty things to them, then address and mail all of them. There'll be approximately one zillion. Yeesh. AND we have to pack to move in January AND still have to finish Christmas shopping while also finding time to drop off the gifts.

At least we got a nativity set. Awww yeah Team Tyler Pell!! See those little guys on the left? They came in their own little box labeled "tiny little sheeps." Cutest everrrrrrr!!

a reading rainbow

2011-12-07T13:25:00.001-05:00

OK, another public service-esque announcement:

I am so SO annoyed that I didn't know about Neil Gaiman until 2 months ago. I mean seriously you guys. My whole life? All this reading? All this discussion of books? And no one thought it necessary to say something to the effect of, "Oh, hey, so Neil Gaiman pretty much writes your imagination, attitude included"?

Call me crazy, but I think it would've been nice to know that.

Because seriously. He does. I read "For Whom the Bell Tolls" a few years ago, and it was like reading my own stream of consciousness. But this is like...my stream of consciousness...in a really really good mood. Because my good moods don't take the form of squealing deliriousness or all-around positivity. They're just...good. They're realistic, bemused, they muse, and they come up with ridiculous ideas.

I read "American Gods" a little while ago, and today I finished "Stardust" which is the fairy tale I should've had growing up (although I should note my mom told us the original versions of fairy tales as kids, instead of the Disneyed-up versions, which I totes appreciate). And even though the movie takes a LOT of liberties with the storyline, the plot and the aesthetic are really true to the book, and Claire Danes is SO PERFECT as Yvaine. So. Perfect.

Also re-read the middle 2 books of the "Wicked" series last week (I would've re-read "Wicked" for the fourth time, but I couldn't find it). Or I guess I just read them. Because I attempted "Son of a Witch" once before and couldn't get through it, and then never even picked up "A Lion Among Men." But last week I did, in preparation for the new and final book, "Out of Oz" and I'm SO glad. They were both incredible. Stressful and dark and clever, and I'm so so excited to buy the newest book. Maybe today. In, like, an hour.

Speaking of buying books, today is the APW Book Buy. Yes. That's a thing. Meg Keene, the writer of APW, wrote a book about planning weddings for marriages, not in spite of them. Which is, you know. Rare. Really rare. I bought a copy earlier, and you probably should too. Even if you're married. Or never going to get married. Or hate books. Just buy the effing book. And then give it to someone less curmudgeony for crissakes.

i'm on an archipelago

2011-12-06T09:49:00.000-05:00

The Foliage and I are obsessed. OK maybe I'm obsessed and The Foliage is just nearby most of the time. This candle is effing amazing. OMG. Seriously. I'm blogging about a candle. Is how amazing this thing is. We found it in a store in Old Town Alexandria and I just held it to my nose while we walked around inside for an hour. It is the best smelling thing ever to happen in my life.

Just a heads up. This is more like a public safety announcement than a blog post. Because what if you lived your whole life without smelling the best ever scent on the planet? That would be sad. Really sad. So you're welcome. Get the damn candle.

things that made me laugh today

2011-12-05T17:07:00.001-05:00

1. The following gchat messages

The Foliage: I feel like I've been splurging for myself lately

(...)

The Foliage: I'm just saying I should check myself before I wreck myself

and by myself I mean "our finances"

2. This article (which is a follow-up to this very incendiary piece)

3. Oh, and this one. Is just so ridiculous.

with my head held high

2011-12-03T10:11:00.000-05:00

So, um. Hi, Internet. Sorry I've been so absent. At least from here - on Facebook and Twitter I am totally owning. That's not true, either. Twitter is such an afterthought to my life. I don't understand how my Twitter friends have jobs, because CHRIST they're on ALL THE TIME. Ridiculous.

Anyway, I saw this recently and it totally blew my mind:

Concept and content credit. Design Credit.

Right?? Holy crap! We're on the same side! Why are we arguing with each other?! I mean, I know why we're arguing with each other. But consider the potential effect we could have if we combined forces to reverse pro-corporate laws! Incredible.

unsolicited advice

2011-11-03T15:37:00.001-04:00

My dad is super sensible and logical, which is handy, because the rest of us are decidedly not. We've had so many professional woes, and he just doesn't get it. Does. Not. Get. It. Dude wakes up every day at, like, 3am to work 12 hours at a nuclear plant. Every day. It's ridiculous! But here's some of his professional advice that's stuck with me, because damnit...that guy is too sensible for his own good:

1. Never ever think that you are irreplaceable.

Because you are. You totally are. When you think you're not, you get too cocky. Think you can do cuh-razy things! But you're wrong. No matter what you do, there's someone else who can do that too. And is probably willing to do it for less than what you're getting. (Which is not to say you should totally eat sh*t all the time and work for less than you're worth...it's more of a humility/awareness thing to keep in mind.)

2. Do whatever gives you the most options.

For some people, this is getting a college degree. For others, aligning oneself with powerful business allies. Or getting experience that lets you roll that in to your next position and be all sorts of important. Don't do things that limit you.

3. Don't imagine that you owe your workplace anything.

Sort of in line with #1, you can be replaced. If another, better opportunity comes along (bam #2!) don't feel guilty about leaving anyone in a lurch. Follow politeness protocol, give notice, work to make sure you're not burning bridges...but don't limit yourself because you feel beholden to your workplace somehow. If the situations were reversed, they wouldn't need 2 seconds to think before making the good-for-the-business-but-not-for-you decision.

4. Always have an eye out for other opportunities.

You never know. He says this a lot, but he's also had 3 jobs in my life, and one of those was the Navy. So apparently he's not taking himself seriously on #4. But even if you're not in the market for another job, it's good to know what else is out there and what other people are earning for doing the same work you do.

5. If you want a promotion, do your boss' job.

Get your work done on time and done well (obviously), and then start helping your boss. Start helping your boss so much that it's clear that maybe YOU should be the boss. It's easier to prove you can do a job after you've already done the tasks required of the job. Seems obvious, but I think people (coughwomenmostlycough) are hesitant to seem like they're stepping on toes or seeming overly boastful of their abilities.

Ta da! Thanks, Dad. Keep on keepin' on. I'll try not to stumble into your house with my pukey husband at 1am when you have to work that day. Again. Sorry about that.

how my mom saved me from evil produce. orrrrrr not.

2011-10-28T15:27:00.001-04:00

When I was little, sometimes there would be apples in the house. I know. BIG DEAL. Well I was a kid, and IT SERIOUSLY WAS OK. They were so shiny and huge and juicy-looking...

Let's pause to note that one of the ONLY good things about Southern Ohio is their amazing apple crops. After we moved to Delaware I wasn't sure I'd ever experience a not-awful apple again, but then I found CSAs and my life was whole once more.

OK THAT'S ENOUGH GET A GRIP. Back to the story.

I would go into the kitchen, and be dumbstruck by the basket of GLORIOUS NATURAL BOUNTY on the counter.

And then Mom would show up OUT OF NOWHERE and say, "You can't have a green apple. They'll make you sick. You can have a red one." Which, as we all know, are Red DeLIARS and no one should ever eat them ever. And I've since learned that this whole sick thing was a complete lie. I have since eaten green apples (albeit with trepidation) and have been 100% fine. Because the TRUTH was that if I ate a green apple, she'd have had one less apple to bake with. And would have to go to the store. With 3 or 4 small children. To replace a single apple.

Which NOW I get. I am a total believer in lying to small kids to avoid telling them convoluted/hurtful/time consuming truths. I didn't need to know that I was an inconvenient pain in the ass. And I would never have been able to wrap my mind around the fact that Denying Myself 1 Apple NOW = Eating Incredible Apple Pie (WITH ICE CREAM PROBABLY OMG) Later.

My PROBLEM is this: I've been afraid of green apples for years. I have shied away from them, thinking that they would give me the stomachache of the century. That they were ONLY suitable for baking. I have lost SO MUCH TIME not eating their deliciousness. I've actually been so warped in my thinking about green apples, that when Mom started buying them for Dad to snack on a couple of years ago, I suspected her of trying to [mildly] poison him. I had no idea why she would do such a thing, but hey! Green apples are a menace to society, so why else would she have put so many of them right on the counter? Right?

Then he emerged unscathed and the jig was up. It was so. f*cking. up.

I'm sorry for the pointless neglect, green apples. Get ready for me to punish, like, a gajillion of you.

dream big

2011-10-27T13:43:00.001-04:00

I totally meant to post this earlier, but. Sometimes I suck. GEEZ you KNOW this so just BACK OFF.

Read: busy. So busy. And also not as busy as other times. Mostly I've just been out of words lately. Or I find words and they go on and on and don't say anything. It's extraordinarily frustrating.

In any case. The hilarious Bad Mama Genny (who is not a mama but is usually bad and almost definitely Genny) is hosting a giveaway for SO DERISHOUS looking spices. And you should enter to win them. And then give them to me. Because zoooooomg I wants. Though I'll just be passing them along to my father-in-law who's currently in charge of Thanksgiving dinner.

There are no words for how excited I am for the Thanksgiving reigns to be in my hands (date TBD as yet). BABY LOVES A DINNER PARTY. Probably won't be for several years. Did it stop me from registering for all the dishes and cooking accessories I need? No. No it did not. Does anyone want a full Thanksgiving meal, not during Thanksgiving weekend? I can probably hook that up for you.

Please. Someone please let me cook you too much food. The Foliage and I are gaining so much weight from my food enthusiasm that I emailed him today saying I want to start TRAINING for a MARATHON. So I'm both heavier than I want to be and delusional. Fabulous. What I'm saying is COME TO MY HOME where I will COOK YOU THINGS. Homemade things! From scratch amazing things!

Apparently my current baby fever is manifesting in a need to feed everyone I know on the planet. I want to PROVIDE. I want to HOST. I want to give you IMPOSSIBLY TINY CRUDITE.

Apparently I also want to use caps lock with wild abandon. Wait...check. Awesome. Sometimes achieving goals is so easy!

really bad at being succinct lately

2011-10-24T13:40:00.001-04:00

Last night The Foliage and I were talking about something that's been weighing on our minds, and out of the blue, I brought up something else that had been concerning me. When I solicited a reaction, all he could say was, "How...do you have the brainspace to be thinking about that right now?!"

So I thought I'd write a list of things that have been on my mind of late:

Business

I've mentioned in passing here before that I've started a business. It's called "Shut the Front Door" and it provides unique rentals for photoshoots and events. Saturday I styled my first ever wedding inspiration shoot, in collaboration with photographer Zareth and stationer Jenn, and it went REALLY well. What's not going so well is that ALL of the inventory is currently in my home. My one-bedroom home that I share with The Foliage. And happens to be on the 6th floor of our building.

As the entrepreneur in this situation, I love each and every piece in my inventory, and don't mind that it can get cluttered at home, or that I have to jump over several armchairs to get from the bookcase to the kitchen. But. It's not only my home, and my infinitely patient partner is rather reactive to his environment. So. Something has to change. My hope is to sign enough contracts for revenue to justify storage space, a moving van type of vehicle, and hourly-paid movers. Maybe even a storefront. In that order. But they're all a ways off.

Uterus

I have a mad case of baby fever. It is RAGING like CRAZY. But I'm staying [relatively] sensible and am sticking to our timeline of pregnancy next summer, baby the following spring. Still. I can't stop considering baby names, or mentally designing cribs, or reading mommy blogs. And the whole baby thing affects how I feel about my job* and income and my business.

Too many of my daydreams involve giving sink baths and midnight feedings and rocking chairs. FAR too many. Maybe I need a new hobby.

*Which is that the benefits are superb and I like it, but I don't know yet whether I'll stay post-baby. I feel like so many people say they're definitely going to keep working, and then change their minds drastically once the baby arrives. And I already feel like returning to work would be dicey. So I'm just trying to be realistic. Getting my business going and being able to work from home would be ideal.

Housing

Have I mentioned that The Foliage and I love real estate? A lot? Well. We do. We fall in houselove OFTEN, which is silly because we should NOT buy a house. So we recently fell in deep houselove with a single family property that's just blocks away from where we are now (which we love), has plenty of space, a fenced yard, and a detached garage with loft that would be a PERFECT storage and studio space for me. And last Friday its price dropped $30k.

But we still own a house! A house that is underwater at the moment, and that we have to wait at least a year to sell (or we refund the $8k first-time-buyer tax credit to the government). We have sort-of renters in it at the moment, but they're leaving at the end of this month, and then we'll start looking for new renters.

We've considered many options. Get the mortgage for enough to cover the loss and tax credit and sell our townhouse? Find renters and buy the new house and have 2 mortgages? We even considered asking a real estate mogul friend of ours to buy it and then let us rent (we are NOT doing this, but it wouldn't be too far out of the ordinary for this guy, trust me).

Then we started looking for houses to rent. Somewhere we could stay for the next few years, provides enough space for my business, and would enable us to keep saving toward a down payment on a forever house. THEN The Foliage realized that we're morons and we could just stay in our apartment and shell out for the storage rental space, and be paying less than the rent for any of the houses we like. So. At least that's one problem solved.

There are also the other constant concerns. Like self-image (post-wedding weight, my skin's deteriorating awesomeness), not feeling like I'm being charitable enough with my time or money, wanting to pursue more creative endeavors but not ever finding the time or deeming it financially responsible, et cetera et al.

BUT. And I don't know whether this is marriage or maturity. I guess it COULD be both, but I'm not a doctor. Anyway. I feel like everything's pretty OK. Strangely enough, the one topic out of the above that's driving me the craziest is the gestation one. For the most part, I'm pretty laid back about it all. Maybe I'm just procrastinating my stress. But I'm hopeful that everything will just work itself out, and that I magically already know it will somehow. Then I could start a psychic business, too!

hard knock life

2011-10-21T10:06:00.001-04:00

What's hard is when you're Facebook friends with your best friends' parents, and then your best friends' parents say the most inane things ever. Including comments on your posts. Then you maybe have to staple your hand to your desk to avoid being your regular snarky self. Because you don't want your best friends' parents to hate you! But geez! Can someone get these people an e-tiquette manual or something?

in addition

2011-10-20T10:09:00.001-04:00

Oh, so the other reason I wanted to post that video was that it's one of the only records we have of my superfake wedding ring.

Because, see, our reception was outside. And it was super freaking hot. And in the woods. Next to a mostly dried up stream. So...there were mosquitos. Mad of them. And one bit my finger, just below my wedding ring. And standing in line at the airport the next day, I noticed that my finger had swollen up like crazy. So I wrestled off my wedding band, but then I didn't want to NOT wear my ring during my honeymoon! Especially since The Foliage was wearing his, I felt as if we looked like (and I know this is insane and I'm the only person on the planet who would've thought this) a married guy and an unmarried woman. AKA a dude and HIS MISTRESS. And I wanted to look like his wife. Badly.

I KNOW! THAT IS CRAZY! NO ONE WOULD HAVE CARED OR NOTICED. But I super duper cared. So we went to the Spanish equivalent of Forever 21 and I bought my chevron fakering and gigantic stripey bangle.

Bam. Jewelry explained. You're welcome.

boats are more interesting than delirious ceej

2011-10-20T07:06:00.001-04:00

Once we get the wedding pictures back, I'm planning on doing a lot of wedding day posts. In the meantime, though, here's a video from the first day of our honeymoon!

There is nothing of substance here. At all. We took a ton of wandering around videos, and eventually we'd like to edit them together to contain highlights. But this is one of my favorite stand-alone ones because I was SO MOTHERF*CKING TIRED which, for me, can either translate to murderously cranky or seemingly drunk. In this case, it's the latter. Score! But seriously. So tired. Don't expect to witness anything impressive here.

Here's what I learned from all of our videotaping: apparently I have somewhat of a lisp when I'm joking? This is news to me, and immensely irritating. But for everyone else, you're welcome, now you know my big tell. Just in case you ever make the mistake of thinking I'm being sincere, my speech impediment will prove you wrong. Le sigh*

hey jealousy

2011-10-19T07:06:00.002-04:00

Before last night, I'd never watched "Parenthood" so I don't know the characters, but one of them has a new younger sibling and is sooooo resentful, and the idea is just crazy ridiculous to me. I remember watching shows as a little kid that attempted to address jealousy of new babies, and even then it confused the crap out of me. I've never known an existence without siblings. Some girl on "Barney" was wicked pissed at her baby brother for, like, existing? Or something? And I guess I GET the concept, and whateverrrrrr probably kids go through that. But. What is more exciting than a new tiny alive toy?!

What I'm trying to say is if any of my futurekids have resentment issues about a new arrival, I'ma give 'em a smack in the mouth.

no rest for the wicked

2011-10-17T14:01:00.001-04:00

1. Saw several of my favorite people at the Delaware Art Museum's Art is Social event

1a. Got a little drunk

1b. Then ate gross diner food

1c. The hanging out was worth it, I GUESS

1d. FINE it totally was

2. Got to sleep around 2am, then rolled out of bed and went straight to truck rental facility, to pick up the moving van we'd reseved

2a. No shower

2b. Can of ginger ale for breakfast

3. Then my parents' storage unit where all the furniture and other stuff from the wedding was

3a. Including approximately 5 gajillion glass bottles (used for water at the tables) and bronze galvanized tubs (held the water bottles and white wine on the tables in lieu of centerpieces)

3b. We left the [insanely heavy cast iron] clawfoot tub there

3c. Also loaded up a bunch of my parents' furniture and then...

4. Drove to my parents' neighbor's housekeeper's apartment to give her the furniture

4a. Seriously

4b. Her kids are sooooo cuuuuuute!!

4c. I almost stole them

4d. Ouch, ovaries! Ouch!

4e. She didn't want the couch

4f. So The Foliage and Mom took it back to the storage unit

4g. I went back to the house to shower. I win.

5. Once The Foliage got back to the house, we drove back South

5a. Clothes swap for me

5b. Paintball for him

5c. I might've gotten drunk again. Just a little.

6. Then straight to Philadelphia for Sukkot at The Foliage's aunt and uncle's house

7. Drove home at midnight, fell asleep HARD, and woke up just in time to get ready for noon mass

9. Mass, celebrated by the bishop, which was a surprise

10. Changed into football-watching clothes, then drove to Buffalo Wild Wings

10a. No tables

10b. We were among the, like, 5 people there for the Lions-49ers game

10c. So the other Lions-49ers spectators adopted us to their table

10d. Guess who drank too much again....

10e. Maybe I should write a book about not having self control

10f. I'm pretty much THE expert

10g. The Lions (w00t!) were dominating until the very end, and then the 49ers got STUPID points at the last minute and ruined my life

11. Back to my parents' house to sober up pre-drive

12. Drove to Maryland at 8pm

13. Unloaded truck. On each trip downstairs, removed an item from our dining set to be put in the truck once empty.

14. Drove to The Foliage's coworker's apartment, and unloaded dining set

15. Returned rental truck, mysteriously sans-gas cap

15a. Considered stealing another truck's gas cap so we don't get blamed

15b. Figure there are cameras and go with deny, deny, deny plan instead

16. Blissfullest. Sleep. Ever.

I feel pretty accomplished. But also tired. But also accomplished. I want some chicken pot pie.

in which my soul dies a little but maybe i win a gold medal

2011-10-12T07:06:00.002-04:00

OK, people. Invitation time. YES. Yes. First...we designed. My initial design was reminiscent of stage props. It's hard to explain, but I promise it would've been very cool and probably less labor-intensive than what we actually did. Eventually some event will come around for which stage prop invitations will be entirely appropriate, and when that day comes LOOK OUT WORLD.

Mom and I brainstormed (while The Foliage sat nearby, helplessly trying to keep up with the idea blizzard) and eventually arrived at our plan. A board game. A motherf*cking board game. We decided it would have three panels, bust-style game pieces, and a telegram RSVP card.

Since I never use photoshop ever, that was Mom's detail. She completely designed the game and the instructions and hand-drew the map of Northern Delaware. The board game dimensions were in keeping with the three-panel junk mail that had inspired this paper choice to begin with, and she bought a ream of paper to print them on.

We had a self-designated deadline of July 4th weekend so that my paternal relatives would receive the invitations before the annual reunion the next weekend. Read: so we wouldn't have to hear about how no one had received invitations yet all day at the reunion. It should be noted that on the way to said reunion was the day that our car broke down on the Jersey Turnpike, somewhere between New Jersey and New York, rendering us abandoned by justice. And air conditioning. And shade. We were a little late to the picnic, where everyone had already ranted about the un-awesomeness (read: not from Crane's) of the invitations to one another, and had nothing left to say to us. Which was, you know, handy.

So the weekend of the 4th we arrived at my parents' house on Friday night, and Mom and I wrapped up the final details of the board game squares. Then it was something like 2 in the morning and we decided to close up shop for the evening.

This is how the board game looked after it was printed and trimmed at Kinko's:

The next morning we designed the reception card, rehearsal and rehearsal dinner card, day-after-BBQ card, local information and the RSVP enclosures. Yeah. This ish was a SUITE, people. We do not half-ass our paper products. Also I'd been made to feel guilty about "taking" people's Labor Day Weekends, so we organized a ton of events to keep them busy. Because that's what people like. To not relax. I'm pretty sure they enjoyed all the events in any case, so that all worked out.

Here it is with the enclosures:

But I'm skipping ahead, oh, 50 hours of work here. Per person. FIRST. First we bought fabric. A bunch of fabric that reminded us of Romanian gypsies. (For the record, I would totally marry a fabric surplus store. Those places make me so happy.) Then we went to Kinko's and printed the board game and enclosures.

This is what your youngest sister will look like while you hand-trim 100 of the non-aligned enclosure cards from large sheets of cardstock, using the sub-par Kinko's slicer, alone, while she's supposed to be helping:

In her defense, there wasn't much she could do. But falling asleep on the floor?! Seems like a bit much. Also, FYI, all of the sisters that witnessed this weekend firsthand proclaimed their intention to elope/send evites/not ever make invitations ["again," as if they made invitations this time]. Loudly. I can't wait for these hoes to get engaged.

Once everything was printed and sliced, we went home and start gluing fabric to cardstock. Not the board game cardstock, a different cardstock. We measured and cut fabric, and then glued it on, book-cover style.

This part was hard. Really hard. Probably THE most time-consuming part of the whole weekend.

These things...were everywhere. I think we spent almost all of Saturday at Kinko's (then The Foliage and I went back at 1:30 in the morning to have them re-trim the board games just a leeeeeeettle bit, because they were too big for the cardstock covers. Luckily the guy did this for us for FREE because we'd been there ALL DAY and we looked crazed and red-eyed and didn't even realize there were fireworks outside. That's when the customer is most definitely right: when they maybe have a gun and no more reason to live. Discounts, discounts, discounts. That guy might be the reason I'm alive today. Thanks, Kinko's guy!

Sunday was fabric-gluing day. And GUESS WHAT there's only ONE gluing implement that works for this. I don't even know what it's called. It's some multi-purpose glue stick, but it's the only one I'd ever heard of in my life. Liquid glues didn't get sticky fast enough and also warped the cardstock. Other glue sticks weren't thick enough. We cleaned out several craft stores of these particular glue sticks, and when it was all gone, I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried. Or maybe I just leaned back in my chair and scrunched up my face. Crying seems too energetic for that point in my life. Some of the fabrics were thin and absorbed glue easily and were great. Others...not so much. What can I say? I like upholstery fabrics. I got excited. I DIDN'T KNOW. Now I know. If I did this project again, I'd use only lightweight fabrics. NOT VELVETEEN or CRAZY POLYESTER FAKE SILK. Yeesh.

Once the fabric was all glued, we left the covers to dry while we went to the store to get closures. Our initial plan had been clasp dealies like on super secretpants diaries. But we couldn't figure out how the eff to attach these without committing suicide. Eventually we decided on stretchy gold thread. BAM done. It wrapped around the right-side panel, from top to bottom, and when the invitation was closed, the left-side panel slipped underneath. Self-closure. Love.

Then we started the ever-so-joyous task of gluing the board games into the covers. I almost called off the wedding a few times during this.

That stack of "completed" items grows so. so. slowly. And hey! There are the magical glue sticks! I still can't read the brand. And next to them is the last-resort glue. We used two tubs of that ish, and it made me want to hurt small and innocent things. Once those were allllll glued, we folded them to make sure the folds were scored.

Then we took self-sticking photo corners, and used them to make our enclosure pockets. I don't have any pictures of this step-by-step, but here's how we did it:

-Hold the enclosure card(s) in one hand
-With the other hand, peel off two or four photo corners
-Place those photo corners on the applicable corners of the enclosures (our ceremony card - on the center panel - got four photo corners, and the side-panel inserts got two photo corners along their bottom edges)
-Flip it over and stick it down.

This method ensures that the photo corners are flush with the edges of the enclosures. Otherwise you're doing everything right-side-up and accidentally sticking to and destroying your beautiful board game. And then setting things on fire in anger.We affixed our game pieces to the fronts of the invitations using the photo corners, as well. Instead of a monogram or logo. HEY GUYS IT'S OUR FACES GUESS WHAT THIS THING IN YOUR MAIL IS. Was more the aesthetic we employed.

THEN. Oh my gawd then. Then we realized that MAYBE THIS DIDN'T FIT IN A STANDARD ENVELOPE. Because we used a standard-sized mailer as our initial template but GEEZ there had been a lot of changes since then! Eventually we figured out that we could shove them (even the super thick ones) into standard-sized envelopes, and shove them we did.

Luckily the RSVP cards fit into a smaller version of the same envelopes, which was handy. And we printed the main invitations' return address labels on clear sticker label paper, which were the perfect size to address the RSVP card envelopes. Multitasking! We were originally going to have the RSVP cards formatted as postcards, but then we worried about something labeled "Western Union" going through the mail. Seemed risky.

Buuuut then we noticed that we had no idea what order the names were in the database. Oh, did I mention there was a database? I highly recommend having a nerd in your life (in this case, my dad) who can build you a database to track your guests. Invited to which events? What restrictions? Have they responded yet? Do you HAVE the RSVP card in-hand? This thing CONTINUES to save my life. Anyway, we knew we wanted to track the cards by guest, but by this point it was preeeeeetty late on Monday night. And we still had to drive home to Maryland.

Mom and The Foliage try to figure out a system of keeping the invitations straight.

It didn't work. The RSVP numbers (which we penciled on the back) matched NOTHING. So. Only a couple came back without guests' names, though, and they were easy enough to track down. Thanks to the database. Shyeah! As we numbered stacks and loaded them into a box to take home, Mom hand-lettered the names and addresses on the envelopes. She's a calligrapher and we'd had grand calligraphy plans...but we were super sleepy. And she has super nice handwriting. And also now I kind of think envelope calligraphy might be a waste, anyway. Inadvertent time-saving decisions! Hooray!

We loaded them all into our car, and then stuffed the envelopes when we got home, unable to stop working on these damn things.

Then The Foliage spent half his Tuesday at the post office, paying something like $2 per envelope because they were considered "packages" due to the rigid edges. To say they were well-received would be a crazy understatement. Our photographer specifically posted about them on Facebook. We got tons of compliments via text, phone call, RSVP card, and in-person. Apparently they looked Wild West inspired, though? Probably because Mom insisted on putting a gun graphic on the rehearsal dinner card. Of course.

If I had to do this all over again, I would

-Design earlier (DUH this is my self-promise after every craft project ever)
-Use thinner paper for the board game (this was too rigid and buckled, especially in the ones that had thick fabric covers)
-Use thinner and non-unravelly fabric
-Maybe use thicker cardstock for the cover. Maybe one that's got a two-score fold.
-Order five cases of the magic glue sticks
-Not spend several hundred of my dollars
-Plan layouts for easier cutting out of components and making SURE inserts fit in chosen envelopes

But in the end they're pretty awesome. I'm pretty sure we won the Invitation Olympics, and really that's what it was all about for me. So. BAM.

i am a gentleman

2011-10-11T11:50:00.001-04:00

I was totally, totally planning to post an entry on the wedding invitation making process today. But then the other night my computer threw a tantrum and now it is died. Hopefully the hard drive's OK, but the computer itself is totally unusable. While I'm glad this didn't happen pre-wedding (I might've killed myself. Maybe.) it's still annoying. And I'm in the midst of planning an inspiration shoot for my business*, with a few other businesses, and it's happening in under 2 weeks. So I really need to have computer access.

Which is depressing...? A little? That I feel like I can't survive without a computer or the Internet.

Anyway, not the point. The point is that I went all kinds of Ma Ingalls in the wake of technology.

I went to the farmer's market across the street and got 2 (free-range, organic, locally-raised) chickens, a bunch of produce and eggs. Then I made, like, a gallon of ferreal broth**. I strained that ish with cheesecloth and everything! I'm so official. And we have, like, a ton of super tender, home cooked chicken, ready to go into things.

Like, for example, an awesome taco filling mixture, which I made last night in one of our cast-iron pans. Which I love. LOVE. Oh, goodness, they're unwieldy, but they're SO AWESOME. The Foliage inherited a set of five from his grandfather, and then we got two for free at a moving sale when we were in the process of buying our house. So we have seven gooooorgeous cast iron pans. Well, mostly gorgeous. A couple of them were left to soak for too long or weren't seasoned properly. They might not make it. So last night we got coconut oil at the grocery store (because Keeper of the Home recommends it as a saturated fat, and I believe everything posted on that site ever), and then I scoured and seasoned all of the pans. ALL OF THEM. I am going to make eggs in those things so. hard. You don't even KNOW. I love.

Also purchased at the farmer's market: a bushel of apples. An entire bushel. Or a basket? I don't know official apple-units-of-measurement. Whatever, they weren't selling them by the pound, just by the [basket], and there were SO MANY I COULDN'T LEAVE WITHOUT THEM OMG. So I got a basket of ones that looked like a good cooking and eating variety. Apparently they're called stayman. In any case, I have approximately one bajillion of them now, and there are TWO of us in our home. Two. Soooo I'm probably going to have to make an apple pie or seven. Anyone wanna visit? Anyone? I'll make you tacos and something with chicken broth and give you slices of pie. Don't think this deal is going to come around again, either - as soon as I have a computer my ass will be back on the couch, stalking grade school crushes.

*Shut the Front Door, an event and photoshoot rental company, providing props and styling in the DC metro area (and probably beyond. I like promising to go to places without looking at maps.).

**I cooked the chickens in our crockpot, a la this tutorial (though my crockpot only fit one bird at a time), then put the bones in the stockpot and cooked them down, according to these instructions as well as these.

ooh babeh babeh

2011-10-06T13:47:00.001-04:00

This is the part where I tell you about our life timeline. Lifeline? No. Timeline. Or timelife, maybe. I don't know. Like when we think we're going to have kids and the like. At the risk of jinxing all of our plans. Because how can I whine (I mean blog...BLOG!!) effectively if you don't know the background?

Ooooh now you know there's some whining on its way. Aren't you excited?

So I really want to be a mom. I just always have. Always. There has never been a day in my existence when I thought I didn't want to eventually be a parent. And - what luck! I took the Myers-Briggs personality type test recently, and my type is INFP or "The Idealist" which is apparently a "natural parent." So that's handy, albeit surprising. I suspected I'd be a "natural scourge upon the Earth" or a "natural reason to avoid coming home." THANKS, SCIENCE.

I've put a lot of thought into parenting. You're shocked, I'm sure. I think CONSTANTLY about the things I do now that will/could affect my future babies. I've always done this. But it's never been so CLOSE or DEFINITE before. Hopefully, this time next year, I'll be pregnant. Really newly pregnant, but pregnant all the same. Because...ugh you're going to roll your eyes at me so hard...

I want to give birth in the spring. Because that's when it "feels" the most "natural" to give birth. Which is a totally stupid reason! I know! I'm even putting my reasons in quotation marks because I can't believe the ridiculousness of myself! But GEEZ that's what we're doing. Also these factors came into play: not wanting to be super huge in winter (ice hazard + clumsiest human ever = ...oh noes) or summer (oooohhh the discomfort). Oh, also my birthday's in the summer, which is fun as an adult, but growing up was the WORST because everyone was always on vacation and parties had to be an embarrassing and awkward I-never-see-you-outside-of-school big deal instead of just cupcakes at lunch like all the other kids. And The Foliage's birthday is in winter, right before Christmas/Hannukah, so that had its own set of problems. And birthdays only really matter when you're a kid anyway.

So we're aiming for late spring births. Oh, yes, that's multiple. Because we both have a 3-kid minimum rule. You don't grow up in families like ours and then feel like 1 or 2 kids is acceptable. I mean, for families who want that, that's fine. But we think, "where's the challenge in that?? Just 2?!" Eventually I'm going to eat my words on this SO HARD but 2 kids is like taking a nap. For now. To me. And, you know, maybe some will be adopted. We're not ruling that out. In fact, if it turns out that we can't conceive, I will have no reservations at all about adopting. Pre-engagement, that had been my plan for nearly 10 years. But then I read "The Kid" which is all about Dan Savage's process in adopting his son, and one of the adoption agency people told the adopters a bunch of reasons they should not have for adopting, and several of them were on my personal reasons list. So. Also, The Foliage and I moved into our house together, and I started feeling like, "ummm...I need there to be more of you in the world. Maybe, like, 4 more."

With the expectation that I'll be pregnant next summer/fall, and giving birth the following spring, that brings us to: LOGISTICS! So fun!

We currently live in a fairly large 1-bedroom apartment, in an area that we LOVE. We really have no desire to leave. And I think more space is underrated a lot of the time anyway. We figure we can have at LEAST one baby in this apartment. S/he'll sleep in a bassinet in our room for several months, and then we'll convert the dining area to be a nursery later. And I can probably get pregnant again and bassinet baby #2 before we really need to find another place.

Any parents reading this are probably thinking this is unrealistic. And it probably is. If we get there and realize we just can't live with that many humans in our apartrment, we'll figure it out then. But right now, it's looking like we won't HAVE to move until 2015. Assuming babies are born two years apart. And then we'd like to buy a house where we can raise all of de babehs. Preferably REALLY CLOSE to where our apartment is now.

What all of this really comes down to is this:

This is my last holiday season as a non-parent, non-pregnant person. If all goes according to plan. Which it might not. But if it DOES, I won't have a carefree Halloween or New Year's Eve ever again. So I feel all sorts of self-applied PRESSURE to LIVE IT UP and WEAR SHORT SPARKLY THINGS. But nowhere to go. Because I'm also really really enjoying being married and the you're-not-invited snuggling. As are most of my friends. So no one's throwing any parties. And I don't really have anywhere TO throw a party. But I need to figure something out. I don't know if I'll regret missing the opportunity to black out as 2012 makes it's debut, but why take that chance, you know?

secret agent man

2011-10-05T13:27:00.001-04:00

I meant for last night's post to have text. But apparently blogger disagreed with my choices. So. Anyway.

The picture was taken at the very end of dinner at La Tasca. Which we chose because we could get tapas again, for the first time post-honeymoon. And also because one of The Foliage's coworkers gave him a gift certificate there as a wedding gift.

Here are the 3 best wedding gifts, ever, in my opinion:

-Cash

-Gift certificates to places you KNOW FOR A FACT the couple spends money frequently

-A fireproof and waterproof safe

Who doesn't need an impervious safe?! Right? And who ever registers for one? GENIUS. My mom's coworker gave us one of these, and I cheered out loud about it, I was so excited. Also he filled it with cash so UMMM 67% of all the awesomeness options available were present.

Oh, also, anything from the registry. Which should go without saying, but I guess a lot of people don't like buying off of the registry? Based on the non-registry gifts we got. A lot of gifts were, shall we say, way off-registry.

Man. Now it sounds like I'm whining about my wedding gifts. Geez. What an ass. I'm not complaining, I swear. Just trying to help out the common wedding guest. Because pre-engagement I didn't like to buy off the registry or give cash either. It felt too impersonal. But I'm telling you...it isn't. The recipients will love you. And there were some exceptions - one of my mom's cousins sent us a GORGEOUS, handmade (by her) blanket. It is the coziest motherf*cking thing I have every wrapped around myself in my entire life. That right there is a winner. Probably can't go wrong with a blanket, as a general rule. And I would tell you which specific types of items to avoid, but the people who gave those to us might read this and hate my guts forever. So I won't. Just stick to the registry.

Anyway. This is about our monthaversary. We had a pretty great dinner at La Tasca, and then decided mid-dinner that we should probably see a movie. I mean, the theatre's on our walk home. And also we have a bunch of Fandango vouchers. And also we needed to be rewarded for not busting out any divorce lawyers' phone numbers in the past month. Yes? Yes.

So we went and saw "The Debt" which came out recently and has Helen Mirren and Jessica Chastain as secret agents. I'm sure you saw the previews. Well, it was pretty disappointing. It wasn't awful, but it really could have done a lot better. Usually when movies have messed up romantic storylines, it makes me super grateful for my relationship, and makes me want to be all kinds of cuddly. But, for one thing, I totally knew what was going to happen all the time, and for another, I didn't care about any of the stuff that was happening. Or the characters. So I felt exactly the same about my relationship post-movie, which was kind of disappointing. You know. As far as feelings-upon-exiting-the-theatre go. The film made me shocked-jump a few times, but that was it.

But as far as my real life ish goes, being married basically feels like being cuddled all. the. time. This feeling probably isn't sustainable, and in a while I won't remember what it feels like to not be married, so I won't even notice the difference.

The bottom line is I love being a newlywed. I hope I like it as much every time I get married.

monthaversary dinner

2011-10-04T21:38:00.000-04:00

one month later

2011-10-04T11:36:00.001-04:00

The Foliage: (upon waking) Hm, I think I have a bit of a headache. That's a bummer.

Ceej: You know what else is a bummer?

The Foliage: Mm?

Ceej: Being married to such a pussy.

totally not me

2011-10-03T10:59:00.001-04:00

Sooooo hypothetically speaking, if one's left-big-toe had been numb for, oh, 30+ hours...what should one do?

proof

2011-09-30T11:33:00.000-04:00

Being married is weird at first. My identity being different is weird still. But today I was surprised at how wifely I felt. Which...I'm not sure that's an actual thing. But pre-marriage, if we'd had a fight, I would have made sure that my opinions and feelings were KNOWN. That they were being RESPECTED. I wanted iron-clad proof that they were. Which mostly amounted to The Foliage's verbal assurances.

But now...I know that all of my thoughts and feelings are respected. I just know that, and I know it FO' SHO. I knew that before, but I guess I was scared of being swallowed up in my relationship. And refused to let myself back down so easily. So this morning when we had and resolved an issue, instead of behaving warily towards him or seeming wounded for hours afterward, the very second he realized he'd hurt my feelings and apologized, I could've cared less about the whole thing. And was immediately straight back to skipping-smiling-would-do-cartwheels-if-I-could-level happy.

I pretty much love being married.

hooking up

2011-09-29T08:35:00.002-04:00

Ceej: ...Anne* just referenced "hooking up with Jack* again"
I don't know who this Jack is
The only one I know is Jack Smith*
And that
Would
Make me so uncomfortable

Also happy...? Maybe? I guess? But mostly uncomfortable.

The Foliage: Don't you think she could easily mean "get together with?"

Ceej: No. I don't. We're talking about boys.

Our generation does not use the term "hooking up" to mean "saw in a non-sexual, totally platonic way"

Not ever

The Foliage: Haha, of course "our generation" does

"Let me hook up with Billie and see what she thinks"

That's a totally normal sentence...except for the name

Ceej: No

No one ever says that

The Foliage: They so do!

Why don't you just ask her who she means?

"You hooked up with Jack Smith?

Ceej: If they got married then [some of our siblings] would be at the wedding toooooooo

The Foliage: Wow, that was a huge gun you just hopped over

Like, a bazooka

Ceej: I just like being excited about things

*Names changed to protect the innocent-esque

stuff i've liked lately

2011-09-28T08:55:00.001-04:00

Books:

In the Woods (as well as the rest of the Dublin Murder Squad books that have been published so far) by Tana French

Oh, man, these are so good. I'll focus on the first one, though, for now. I read it during my honeymoon and it was AWESOME. Growing up, my mom always read mystery novels, and since I thought I was a grown up reader, I tried to read them too. Didn't work. I ended up discouraged, frustrated and bored. What does a kid know about body language cues? Pshhhhh. Anyway. It made me resent the entire genre for a long time. Then I read this book, remembered that I'm a grown up who can TOTES follow mysteries now, and loved it. I'm not telling you anything about it, except that it's awesome, and that I highly recommend the other books in the series as well. The 4th one's due to be published soon and I am PUMPED.

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

This book...has affected my dreams this week. I finished it yesterday, and this morning woke up from one in which I was attempting tactical maneuvers, trying to anticipate all of my enemy's movements. This Card guy seems to suck a large amount, though. His introduction to the book was forever long and self-important, and upon researching the rest of the series (which I still intend to read), learned that he is very outspokenly in hate of marriage rights. And has tied homosexuality to pedophilia. Wow, guy...wow.

Movies:

The Burning Plain

This ish made me cry so. hard. Which isn't necessarily what you want in a movie, I know. But if the circumstances are right, I really really do. I thought it was incredible and painful. Also when are Charlize Theron and Katherine Heigl gonna be in a movie together? Do they not look like sisters to anyone else? I'm a little bit anti-KH but I might get over it for Charlize.

Winter's Bone

I didn't cry. But this was also pretty devastating. I was shocked by how much it moved me. Both these movies have Jennifer Lawrence in them, by the by. I didn't think I was that impressed with her before, but then I'd only seen her in X-Men (oh, dip, Charlize tie-in!). I still don't know if I'm that blown away by HER or if it's the stories themselves. In both movies she plays her characters depressed and numb, and then is incredible in the scenes where she's visibly moved. So I guess that's good acting? I can identify terrible acting, but when people talk about "nuanced performances" or an actor "having such poise" I have no idea what they're on about. So maybe don't listen to me.

giving you the best that i got

2011-09-27T08:43:00.001-04:00

Dear everyone,

If you don't have a corkscrew, you can use a screw and pliers to get a cork out of a wine bottle. This realization recently made my LIFE. So. You're welcome.

-Ceej

note to self

2011-09-26T13:08:00.001-04:00

The next time you decide to drink the equivalent of 1.5 bottles of red wine and have just one iiiiiiitsy bitsy glass of water, try not to do it the night before your period starts. Because hormonally hungry + next morning nausea = worst. thing. ever.

What are you, in college? Yeesh.

dinner and a movie

2011-09-23T09:08:00.002-04:00

A few days ago The Foliage bought lamb shoulder at the grocery store and then didn't freeze it. When I realized this yesterday it became clear that it needed to be cooked RIGHT AWAY. Luckily there is a specific lamb shoulder recipe in Alice Waters' The Art of Simple Food (long-cooked lamb shoulder). And it was amazing. And pretty simple. I also made her apple tartin with some of our CSA haul, complete with homemade caramel! Cast iron pan and everything! I'm like a professional.

I used almost every gadget in the kitchen and made a HUGE mess. After we ate I passed [the eff] out and awoke to find that it had all been cleaned, and the food packed away.

Being married rules.

We also watched the movie version of "The Golden Compass" because The Foliage FINALLY got around to reading the trilogy during our honeymoon, and...it was such crap. It had such potential to not be crap. But then it failed. And glossed over EVERYTHING and had actors being way over the top. The talking animals weren't as trite as I expected them to be. But mostly crap. And it ended, like, 2 chapters early! "I see your daemon still changes." COME ON, ASRIEL, OF COURSE HE STILL CHANGES LYRA'S A KID. Such garbage dialogue. BAH!!

Movie renditions of your favorite books do not (often) rule.

Looking forward to a weekend at home. Happy 3 weeks of no divorce papers to us (on Sunday, anyway)! Whooooo!!

so tell me what you want what you really really want

2011-09-22T07:32:00.001-04:00

Last night The Foliage and I went out to run an errand, and it was later than it should have been, so the store was getting close to closing and we were rushing. And I was super stressed. Maybe the most stressed I've ever been in my life. Which makes me, you know, super charming.

So we find the thing that we need, and I ask him to go get a cart. And he's gone FOREVER. I browse the nearby aisles, I wring my hands, I pace. Eventually I head towards a further-away aisle since I'm not sure when he'll be back. And then some girl makes eye contact with me and giggles while she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." The guy she's with smiles but is uncomfortable with eye contact. Then I turn and see that they're talking to The Foliage. And he looks exhausted.

I figure these are friends from school or something, wanting to catch up, but it turns out he's never met them. And it is explained to me that they were discussing the concept of "God the Mother." To which I replied, shocked, "And you've never met each other before?"

Yeah, that's right. My husband got stopped by a cult. In Target.

And not a laconic cult, either, a really chatty one. A really chatty and awkward one. Who apparently all live in a house together? Or something? I was trying to be polite and not confrontational, because it's not like I'm going to convince them that there is no Planet Beldar. No way. This chick wanted COFFEE. She wanted to TALK over COFFEE. We don't even drink coffee, but she said it about a million times. "Just meet up and, you know, just talk. Over coffee.*"

The problem is that I DO want to talk to her, because I'm so fascinated by different faith systems. But UGH it was the worst timing EVERRRR and I don't necessarily want to talk to her or her friend, who embodies the kind of socially awkward that makes you feel physically uncomfortable. But I am curious about this ish.

I kept asking what the church's name was - no answer. "Well, if you HAD to give a name to the faith that you both share...what would it be?" Over and over again, "We believe in the Bible." And maaaaaan I hate that answer. Because f*ck you, lady. That is vague and passive aggressively accusatory and I just want to make my purchase and go home, but you've suckered me and my spouse into a pseudo-religious conversation which is our biggest collective weakness.

When she and her friend mentioned that their services are on Saturdays, The Foliage said, "Oh, right, because that's the sabbath." And - I am not exaggerating - chick jumped up and down and clapped. Who. Does. That. At that point my frustration was showing, and when she excitedly asked how he knew that, I replied with audible irritation, "Because he's Jewish." DUH. SO MUCH DUH. She knew that (my marriage's differences in faith being the 1st topic she broached) but I guess knows nothing about Judaism. But is EXCITED that he knew the sabbath is on Saturday. Madre de Dios.

They said their worship centers are called "Church of God - [Location]" and that they go to the one in Laurel. But I can't find this place online. Church of God, believes in God the Mother**, has services on Saturdays, urges followers to solicit converts at big box stores late on weeknights. Any help? I kind of want to go to see what kind of animals they sacrifice. Also, maybe avoid the Target on Rockville Pike on Wednesday nights. You're welcome.

*As soon as she said this, I immediately heard Maria Bamford saying, "Sure I'll join your cult!" in my head and almost laughed in the girl's face. But then I would've had to explain the joke and talked EVEN LONGER.
**I don't NOT believe in God the Mother...I believe God is genderless and that "Father" is a traditionally and arbitrarily assigned pronoun. It seems like a silly thing to make a point of to someone who's already identified themselves as Christian.

at once so familiar

2011-09-21T07:08:00.002-04:00

Our wedding...was so so so perfect. It was the wedding we were always meant to have. It wasn't how I'd imagined it would be for over a year. But we got there and I had a feeling of, "Ohhhhh riiiiiiight...THIS is my wedding." Like the wedding happened totally on its own and then reeled us in and we never would have had a choice to make it any other way. Like the first conversation you have with your best friend - instantly familiar and comfortable and probably somewhat snarky.

Before the wedding, when The Foliage and I saw each other for the first time in full wedding regalia, and I asked how I looked, he said, "You look exactly like I thought you would, even before I met you."

Which is, you know, pretty much exactly IT and precisely the sort of thing that the dude who convinces you to never ever be single again in your life WOULD say.


Personal photo taken by a wedding guest. [Rainbow citrus] cake made by my Granna, cake topper made by my mom. She even made tiny thick-rimmed glasses for The Foliage's bird. Uh. May. Zing.

cake topper

2011-08-30T07:08:00.002-04:00

When we walked into my parents' house this weekend, following the weddingcane I was in, we found this in the kitchen:

Pepito looks like he's had a pretty rough life

Oh, Mom...

have i told you lately that i love you

2011-08-25T19:29:00.000-04:00

I don't like to leave any situation with The Foliage without finishing with "I love you." Because what if something awful happens? What if, after he drops me off at the metro station* the train derails or he gets hit by a car on the way to work? Then something other than "I love you" would've been the last thing we'd said to one another! Which is seriously terrifying. Even if we're having a huge disagreement in the car, we will repeat this back to one another. If I die, he will not have to be paranoid/feel guilty about that argument forever and ever. He will know that I love(d) him.

Which is why it was really weird that I slammed my car door shut and sped away from him yesterday at approximately 5pm without mentioning love or any other such nonsense.

Which gave me pause as I did it, because I reeeeeeally hate leaving situations that way (see above) but OMG I was so mad! Like, drop-kicking puppies mad. Smacking ice cream out of kids' hands mad. I guess I should back up.

Step 1 of my life: Buy a car (in 2006, yes you need time travel, suck it up)
Step 2: Receive title for car upon final payment of loan
Step 3: Don't put that title in the car! Dad says not to do that! Put it somewhere else.
Step 4: Get to 2011, plan a wedding, include the proceeds from sale of the car in wedding budget, then realize you have no idea where the title is
Step 5: Find 2 buyers for car who are so interested in it they get into a bidding war and end up offering asking price
Step 6: After checking and double-checking that the DMV will release the title to someone other than yourself, send your spouse-elect to get it
Step 7: Receive text message that not one DMV worker thinks your signature on the form looks like your signature in their system. Receive subsequent phone call explaining there's nothing you can do from Washington, DC.
Step 8: Take an unexpected half-day to drive to Delaware
Step 9: Receive text message from spouse-elect that he's at the DMV "by the airport"
Step 10: Totally drive to the RIGHT DMV. The one everyone ever uses and is super efficient. The one near the airport.
Step 11: Realize your beloved is not there. In fact, he's at the dumbest DMV ever to have been built, ever. In the 11 years you've known the state of Delaware, containing MANY trips to multiple DMVs, you've never even heard of this one.
Step 12: Drive - angrily - to the f*cking stupidest DMV of life, no thanks to your betrothed's gawd-awful directions**
Step 13: Walk in. Luckily your to-be-spouse is already at the counter so you don't have to wait. Throw your license at the DMV employee.
Step 13.5: Be scolded by DMV employee for throwing license
Step 13.6: Resist urge to physically assault and verbally humiliate DMV employee. But only because it would probably make you cry, not because of the interest in humanity or any legal repercussions.
Step 14: Grab paperwork and storm out of DMV
Step 15: When spouse-elect comes up to your car and says to "get a grip" before you come home, slam the door and peal the eff OUT.
Step 16: While running (miraculously) ahead of schedule for (final) wedding gown fitting, glance down at GPS map, then look up. Then rear-end the car in front of you in your exit lane.
Step 17: Cry hysterically immediately and continually for the next 2 hours. And then every time your unfortunate life partner mentions anything remotely related to the day's incidents.

Optional steps:
-Have a fiance who is beyond compassionate and isn't even mad at you, even though all of those steps (with special emphasis on 4 and 16) are entirely your fault. Except maybe 7. Number 7 is a total f*cker.
-Reschedule your stupid final dress fitting for stupid next week.
-Notify the would-be car-purchasers that their dream has been smashed lolz!
-Maybe get some really questionable Korean soup.
-I really hope you made sure to hit the car of someone super important at a super important company, driving with a similarly important friend! And that they would probably be good life-connections to have, if you could only speak for 5 seconds without breaking into heaving sobs! You did? Oh, good.

I would like to note that I have made it VERY CLEAR that I don't like to drive, and I don't think I should be allowed to operate any vehicles, ever. And also that by the time I got into the accident, I had calmed down and was even maybe kind of happy again. So 3ish hours of driving with rage? Totes safe. Calm? BAM.

But. Today I am much better. And even though I'm always aware of how blessed we are, I was sort of smacked in the face with it. Bless-slapped, if you will. We are so, so blessed. Or lucky, if that's your expression of choice. Whatever it is. I do not deserve the awesomeness that envelops me, but GEEZ there's always so much of it everywhere. So...awesome? Also I'll never chance it and skip an "I love you" EVER AGAIN. Whew.

*YES our apartment is across the street from the metro but WHATEVER don't judge me.
**"Immediately on the right past the gas station" isn't helpful in an area with more gas stations than people, and when the direction of approach is undetermined.***
***Also I said not to f*cking text me again. That does not mean "except for directions because clearly I can't look them up myself." It means NOT AT ALL.

decisions decisions

2011-08-22T10:49:00.000-04:00

Me: We still have to choose the Old Testament reading.
The Foliage: Oh, right. What were our final options, again?
Me: Song of Songs "set me as a seal upon your heart" and Ruth "your people will be my people"
The Foliage: Hmm...I don't know. I don't really care, I guess.
Me: Yeah, same here. Let's go with Ruth.
The Foliage: How did you choose that?
Me: I like the letter "R" better than "S"
The Foliage: Oh, right. Of course.

a nerd a weirdo a princess

2011-08-19T08:10:00.000-04:00

I've been reading all the Harry Potter books lately, and since I read every day on my commute to and from work, and a lot of times after work, I get a LOT of reading in. Mostly, this is great. Not so great is that I've started having Harry Potter-themed dreams. And they are SO STRESSFUL. I can never remember the names for appropriate spells, so my wand is completely useless. And I've always been prone to chasing dreams anyway, so my chaser* having magic available is sooooooo much worse.

Last night I dreamt that it was the wrap-up of the last book (which I'm reading now), but instead of a stand-off between Harry and Lord Voldemort, a bunch of people in the dream were sitting around, and that song "Don't You Forget About Me" from "The Breakfast Club" was playing.

I woke up with the song in my head, really believing I'd just witnessed the conclusion of the 7th book, and thought, "Well, at least I can read some other book now." And then I heard the song again and got really annoyed with myself.

Man, I can't wait to read some other books.

*Heh.**
**That was directed at HP nerds.

no big deal

2011-08-11T08:15:00.000-04:00

One of my sisters just got a job at a small film production company in L.A. Another one has had a flash fiction story published. We're kind of like the Tenenbaums. It's just how we throw down.

endorsement

2011-08-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to ruin the plot of "Crazy, Stupid, Love." for you, but I will say I really liked it. After seeing such tripe as "Something Borrowed" among others recently...it was so refreshing. To not hate the characters in a RomCom or hope for each of them to get hit by a bus. Which, yes, is not something you're probably supposed to say, but is nonetheless true. The characters are always so seriously unloveable, I just can't ever get into the plot. And by the end I'm hoping one will turn into a homicidal maniac so all the characters can stop existing forever. This hardly ever works out for me.

Anyway. I didn't hate these characters. And you should see the movie.

Warning, though, if you are like me and cry at everything ever, the movie will totally screw you at the very end by making you cry and then going straight to the credits. Plan appropriately.

not done being negative yet

2011-08-03T07:06:00.001-04:00

Here's the thing: I hate all professional sports leagues. I hate that they charge so much for tickets and merchandise and that fans seem to actually believe that their attendance/purchases somehow helps the teams. Or something. I'm really not clear on the thought-process that justifies the throwing-away-of-funds.

The Foliage and I attended a DC United game recently (the tickets were super discounted, and also it was $2 pretzel night BAM) and were talking about this. We got to baseball specifically at one point, and he said, "It seems like most baseball fans love the game so much because of the nostalgia-value. They always say things like 'I grew up going to these games!' But no one ever nostalgia-loves mowing the lawn or taking out the trash."

Which is exactly why I'm marrying this one. But that's not the point at the moment.

Right now the point is that I really hate the NFL. I didn't even know there was a SITUATION until Twitter went all a-flutter about it ending. And my heart sank. Because I missed it! And I could have done something! To prevent the resolution! Well, I probably couldn't have. But I'm wired to feel like I've always missed an opportunity. And so: displeasure.

Which leads us to now. When apparently football is going to be starting up again. Le sigh.

Here are the things I like about football season:
-I can invite people over, and HELLO my #1 favorite activity in the world is playing hostess and feeding people.
-...ummm that's it.

Any reasons to pollyanna this are welcome. Truly. Because when I make my catatonic-yet-annoyed-asylum-patient-face and then slump into The Foliage's line of vision to get attention...I'm not sure he loves it quite as much as I think he should.

Idea: a television network that broadcasts NFL games, but does MSTK3000-style voice-overs, and turns the whole thing into a big soap opera. People can die and come back to life just like on Days of Our Lives! I would watch the sh*t out of that. Alternately: Soap Opera Network shows character stats at the bottom of the screen.

Sometimes I really miss daytime TV. Also this post got way off-track. Oops.

if you do not let me [freak out over this wedding] i will go insane and i will take you with me

2011-08-02T17:36:00.000-04:00

It's one of those this-wedding-might-actually-kill-me days. I get completely bogged down and overwhelmed by my to-do list, and periodically think to myself,

"It's about you and The Foliage. Everything else will be OK, as long as you end up married."

And, yeah, that's true. But you know what won't be OK? If we don't have tables. THAT's right. We currently have no tables. Or chairs. Or non-vegan hors d'oeuvres (less of an issues, now that the fabulous Miss Rachel is ALL OVER the vegan ones). Or music for the ceremony. Or plates. Plates!!

When people ask how wedding planning is going or if I'm ready for it, I'll usually give my watered-down response. Because we all know that no one ever asks those questions REALLY wanting to know. Same as the usual generic, "Hey! How ARE you?" I don't care how much emphasis is on that "are"...it's a lie. The asker just wants you to give an equally generic response.

So for wedding planning, I do that. "Great!" or the good-natured helpless shrug. Unless I'm super absorbed with fcking pashminas, in which case maybe they'll get the truth. Which you read above, but I'll repeat: this wedding might actually kill me. And then THEY remind me that if The Foliage and I end up married, it's all fine.

Here's the thing:

We are not NOT focused on the marriage. Seriously. We've done more marriage prep than anyone I know. And I'm not talking about going through a list of questions together at home. I'm talking about 9 hours of PreCana, 4 hours of married-couple-mentoring, and 6 hours of meetings with our priest. Not counting work we did at home for those meetings (like choosing our ceremony readings together in preparation for a priest meeting). We've also dealt with the death of a parental figure, unemployment, merged our finances, and moved twice since being together.

I feel so, totally, totally ready to be married to this guy, that I am willing to sacrifice time and sanity to freak out about how we don't have tables. Because I can afford that brainspace. In the background, that brainspace is still working its ass off to be a good partner to The Foliage. The foreground might make that hard to believe, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. Isn't he lucky?? I'm so committed to him, I'm willing to obsess over the party! Man. To be in that guy's shoes, right?

Dear The Foliage, You. Are. Welcome.

kicking off bachelorette party weekend

2011-07-22T17:39:00.000-04:00

Updates:

-I got wedding shoes and earrings. Both for super cheap. Both pretty low-key. In fact, part of the reason I chose the shoes I did is that I can also wear them for the rehearsal dinner AND during the honeymoon.

-Speaking of the honeymoon, that sh*t is BOOKED. FINALLY. We're flying out the night after the wedding to Barcelona, where we'll stay at Hotel MurMuri for a week. Then we'll head to Gran Canaria for the second week, staying in the timeshare swap my parents are letting us use.

-We're not decorating the church at all, save for possible pew-markers. That place was DESIGNED to be pretty; I'm not paying a bunch of my dollars to have some decor be swallowed up in that space. Also we have mad of them wedding party members, so it could get crowded.

-A few things we'd planned to DIY I searched for and bought on etsy yesterday. Because it was on our To-Do list for SO MANY DAYS and we did it...never. Not even one half-assed attempt. I paid fair prices and we still have to do assembly once the stuff arrives, but this is a HUGE load-off. Now I'm trying to figure out what else I can outsource to artists...

-Our ketubah/guest book is going to rule SO HARD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Now I have to go have more fun in 2 days than is probably allowed legally.

this is why conservatives always win you guys

2011-07-21T18:11:00.000-04:00

My work email account is hosted by Google. So is my regular-life account. And my friend Jimena taught me how to use both at the same time, BUT I can't use Blogger if I'm logged into more than one account at a time. This is KILLING my blogproductivity. And, contrary to what you might expect, it's not doing wonders for my workproductivity. That's pretty much the same. "The same" meaning "totally awesome as usual" here. Of course.

Anyway.

Last night, The Foliage and I met up with a few of his family members at the DC United Game. At one point, we went with his dad Marty to get food and drinks. Read: Marty and I wanted Vodka Lemonades and also The Foliage thought maybe I should also have some solid food. So Marty and I went off in search of the booze kiosk.

Once we found it and were in line, Marty spotted a guy with a really strange shirt on.

"Does that guy's shirt say 'End Fair Trade'?"
"Umm...huh...it does look that way..."

Brace for the punchline: yeah. Yeah it did. Dude apparently hates fair trade. Which. Um. What? I thought only dictators of Third World Countries felt that way. I've even tried searching several variations of "end fair trade" to find the exact shirt, but all that shows up in the results is "high-end fair trade" and "to that end, fair trade..." et cetera. Know why? Because fair trade is awesome!

I know I'd be preaching to the choir if I went on and on here about the benefits of fair trade practices. But man. I was pretty taken aback. I can't remember the exact wording of the rest of the shirt, but it seemed to indicate he wanted people to shop locally...and that fair trade somehow prevents that from happening.

Dear stranger at the DC United game,

Most people who shop locally are the same people who buy fair trade products, and vice versa. You're attacking the wrong demographic. Maybe get a shirt about Wal-Mart. Just an idea.

LYLAS!

-Ceej

to my future teenaged children

2011-07-20T08:49:00.000-04:00

Please don't be too stressed out about the SATs or whatever crap you think you need to do to get into college. I got a great SAT score and I ended up graduating from a small, local business school. And that's OK because NO ONE CARES. Seriously. No one. I worked my way up to a primo spot in the accounting world and realized I didn't like it. So then I stepped back to a kind of accounting I do like*.

I know in the future when you, like, exist and are actually a teenager I'll probably cry when you get bad grades or letters are sent home about how you don't do your homework. This isn't your fault; it's mine. I've already got unrealistic expectations for you, and they're based on my expectations for myself. I'm sorry to put that on you. See how I did that? I'm already guilting myself! And making you aware of it! I am the culmination of a thousand years of Irish/Italian/Polish Catholic motherhood. Guilt is WHAT I DO.

Anyway.

The point is that it takes a lot of trial and error to be happy. A lot. I really hope your trials and errors don't cause you to live in my house after you're 21, but if you need to I GUESS we can figure it out.

The important thing is not to always choose the best major/sport/etc. The important thing is to show up. I want you to be involved in extracurricular activities because of your own desire to be a well-rounded person, not to be able to tick accomplishments off on each finger**. I don't need you to get straight As, I just need you to do the work. If you don't do the work...I'll hit you in the mouth. Fair warning. Also if you're reading this and I'm currently mad about your crappy grades, maybe wait until later to bring up this blog post. Or maybe bring mommy a drink. And then ask to see your father's WoW Addict video. Nothing turns this lady's frown upside down faster than that ridiculousness.

*Still got a pay increase because that is how your mother ROLLS.
**Though that is pretty badass. Admittedly.***
***But don't be a tool about it, jeebus.

lesson learned

2011-07-15T07:06:00.001-04:00

The other day, getting on the train, I saw Katie Armour. OK it wasn't Katie Armour, but it was a girl who looked JUST LIKE HER minus about 16 inches. Katie (from what I can tell) is super tall. I almost ran to tell this mystery girl about her e-famous doppleganger, but then decided it wasn't the day to look like a total psycho right before boarding public transit.

Things that I have discovered about life since moving down here and needing to take the metro everywhere:

1. Armpit maintenance is very. important.

That dude is you at least 70% of your workdays.

2. Folding fans are GORGEOUS and I need a billion. When you have negative personal space and the air conditioning's broken (like it almost always is), air movement is heavenly. Well, unless it's the onion-ring-breath of the dude encroaching on your aforementioned space. Otherwise: heavenly. Also the style potential for these is off the charts.

On. It.

self flagellation with a twist of hope

2011-07-14T17:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I totes ignored by blog for a few days. And by "ignored" I mean I "thought about it off and on, and during the 'on' times with much anxiety." I've actually been much better about Twitter, since it's so one-off and I don't have to worry about linking to pictures or being too rambly. Which is also the problem with Twitter, because it's just a semi-daunting, constantly-updating ream of text. And the damn character limit KILLS me. Sometimes rewording down to the "meat" of my posts is actually helpful, but mostly it's annoying. And forces me to ditch really. good. words. Like "finagle." Who wants to say "get" when they could say "finagle"...honestly? Because I don't want to know that person. Brevity is not always the source of wit, TWITTER. Sometimes going on and on and on and beating a dead horse is actually where the wit lives. I'm so mistwunderstood.

Between my job, the wedding, and the lemons life sometimes pelts at my head* I've had little time to blog. I'll try to be better. Post-wedding, here are things I really really really want to learn:

-Herbology (Western)
-Metalworking
-Paper making
-Glass blowing
-Pottery

Can you tell SOMEone's itching to make some 3D art? I seriously need to use my hands for something other than typing into spreadsheets or I might die**. Yeah, OK, "die" is a little extreme. I'll maybe turn boring. Which would be worse than death, I think. For crissakes, someone get this girl a BeDazzler!!

*Note to life: one cannot make lemonade if the lemons are hitting you in the face and bouncing away. Oft-neglected but important principle.
**I really do like my job. But I need to fulfill my creative side in my free time POST HASTE. Right now that isn't happening. Wedding tasks start out fun, but then I decide on an idea and have to replicate it A MILLION BAJILLION TIMES. Which makes the creative process unsurprisingly less enjoyable.

shout shout let it all out

2011-07-12T08:43:00.000-04:00

Hey! Here's something that annoys me that's not related to weddings at all!

When people won't give money to bums because "they'll just spend it on booze."

WTF do you care how he spends it? Dude sleeps in a DOORWAY. I'm cool with helping him get respite, temporary though it may be. Your self-righteousness isn't going to cure him of any addictions.

much like the dmv

2011-07-11T17:35:00.000-04:00

The past few days have taught me that if I ever have the thoughts, "I can do this, " or, "We're right on track!" I should punch myself in the face and crawl into a hole. A hole that preferably does not contain the New Jersey Turnpike.

i don't have one leg but you're still jealous

2011-07-08T15:01:00.000-04:00

I knew my office building had a nice roof, but I didn't know how easy it was to get up there, or how INCREDIBLY AMAZING it was. But today I found out when I met my friends Jimena and Jill there for lunch.

One of the views:

Oh, AND for whatever reason, work provided free lunch today. Pa POW:

We sat under the awning and there was a breeze and no one else up there...sigh*. My life rules so hard sometimes. Also, I refuse to apologize for my subpar photography skills. Re. Fuse.

blindsided

2011-07-07T14:59:00.000-04:00

People are starting to receive the invitations. Holy crap, this is actually happening.

put your money where your mouth is

2011-07-06T12:12:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was one of the most e-ntense days I've ever witnessed. People got allllll wrapped up in the Casey Anthony trial, and were/are ready to crucify her. "Justice for Caylee!" they said. But...I don't really believe in justice. At least not as determined by other human beings.

I really, really hope that in my afterlife, I'm not consumed by a need for vengeance. Or spend one iota of energy waiting for vindication. I have the same hope for Caylee. If anything, I DO hope that I'll move on to the next stage of existence with concern for other similar victims.

So no. No justice. But maybe a legacy. What better way to honor a life cut short than to help prevent the same thing from happening again?

Today I made a donation to Child Avocates, Inc. in Caylee's memory, and I invite you to do the same. Because acting indignant in the name of justice on Facebook isn't helping anyone.

gee willikers

2011-07-05T14:38:00.000-04:00

Some people in my office sure feel qualified to condemn a woman to death...

Groupthink is so disturbing sometimes.

next time i get married everyone gets evites

2011-07-05T12:10:00.000-04:00

You know what the worst thing ever is? Making wedding invitations. Correction: Making wedding invitations up to my/my mother's standards. Because that sh*t will take you every conscious minute of your 3 day weekend and several hundred of your dollars. And also your fiance who wanted to get to work early, will instead spend AN HOUR at the post office, hand-applying stamps to all 90+ invitations. Which the USPS considers to be "packages" because they're rigid.

I feel like I entered the invitation olympics. I'm pretty sure I'm getting a medal, but I don't know if it's gold. Also I might be disqualified for using performance-enhancers.

Pictures won't be posted for at least a week so the surprise isn't ruined for readers who are receiving invitations. But here's a little teaser: the only material in our crafty arsenal we didn't use was restraint. Sometimes more is more, people. Also? Paperlove can really cock up your life.

i would totally marry: presidents

2011-07-01T13:18:00.001-04:00

Woot Independence Day Weekend! Or Friday leading into Independence Day Weekend! During which Independence Day falls on a Monday!

Let's get patriotic up in this piece. By imagining my awesome self gracing an Electoral College fave with my hand in marriage. Ow OW*! Note: I'm doing research on these guys as I type this, because as I may have mentioned previously, social studies and I don't have the warmest relationship. Anyway, let's get me married!

George Washington - Georgie Porgie! The G-Meister! Namesake of some of the most expensive places** in DC! That bodes well for him; baby loves a legacy. He's the oldest in a big family, so that's a plus. TONS of land in the Shenandoah Valley...could go either way. I like the idea of land-ownership, but I hate yard maintenance. A lot. I hear he's good at clearing trees, though, so I could probably make him deal with it. Sterile...also could go either way. Raised a bunch of kids that weren't his and freed his slaves when that wasn't even a THING yet. Big ups, G. Bottom line: he sounds like a really great guy. But I just can't get down with those rosy cheeks. And the fake teeth thing freaks me out.

Thomas Jefferson - Renowned cheater. Red-head. Awesome writer. Damnit, I just don't know. He's like the tamest bad boy ever. And as far as cheaters go, he cheated really consistently. Looking at his family tree, it doesn't seem like he ever got tired of either woman, he just really really really liked them both. Which I guess is kind of sweet...? Compared to having a bunch of affairs? I guess I'm a one slave-mistress kinda partner. But he died with a bunch of debt, and debt gives me hives. Also openly hostile to the Catholic church, which is even worse than being blonde. Oh, AND The Foliage and I have that really nice picture from the day we met, looking at the Jefferson Memorial. It would just feel too weird. You know, compared to the weirdness of marrying a 200 year old corpse.

Abraham Lincoln - Or was that BABEraham Lincoln!! Bwaaahahahahaha!!! Oh, me. So, yeah, he's pretty much my type. Looks like a tall death camp survivor? Sign me UP. His discipline and ability to self-educate remind me of my father, and doesn't every girl really just marry her dad? PSYCH! I am so not marrying an incarnation of my dad. Yeah, OK, I probably am. That's a totally different blog post. I think everyone (minus the South who just don't count for anything ever) can agree that he was awesome. Couldn't handle the early widowhood, though. I definitely at least need a CHANCE at going first.

John F. Kennedy - Living up to Jackie AND Marilyn? That's just too much. No. I need a stiff drink just thinking about it.

Richard Nixon - Tricky Dick! Political and personal foibles aside, I can't be married to anyone with the nickname "Dick." Just can't.

I think the biggest problem with any of them is that my dad hates politicians. HATES. He hates the entirety of DC because "that's where politicians are." Seriously. We came here ONCE as a family in my whole life, and that was because Colbert's portrait was in the Smithsonian. Now The Foliage and I have lived here for almost a year and he's never visited. Ever.

I'm not saying I wouldn't marry someone based on my parents' opinion, but...I totally wouldn't. Probably. I mean come ON! Family get-togethers would suck! And I won't have tension marring my annual date with Mom's cheesebraid.

Installments One, Two and Three, for your reference.

*This has become a favorite "phrase" of mine recently, but apparently it causes some confusion. I went to lunch with Use Your Words the week before last, and when I texted "I'm here ow OW" she read it as "I'm here now NOW" and pressuring her to run. In her work clothes. In 90+ degree heat. Then I felt bad. But also didn't because who doesn't know how to read early '90s studio audience cat calls?
**George Washington University, most expensive college in the nation; W Hotel; etc. All of which I could probably use FOR FREE if I married the Big Guy.

why my facialist is not a brain surgeon

2011-06-30T12:11:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I went to get a facial.

Yes, a facial. Yes, I am that woman. And I don't want to hear about it. Here's the thing: my skin was FANTASTIC growing up. High school? No problem. Just smoothe, clear skin. Once in a while a big blemish would appear, then it would go away promptly.

Then I went to college, and suddenly had all these little bumps along my jawline, near my mouth. Bumps that WOULD NOT LEAVE. And also I couldn't pop them because they weren't at the surface...they were somehow underneath. Incredibly infuriating. I've been working on these things for the past 7 years to no avail.

Then I turned 23 or 24 and my skin FREAKED OUT. I don't know how else to say it. I get the weirdest breakouts. Luckily, by this time, I was getting decent paychecks. So a little over a year ago, I started getting facials at an awesome place in Delaware/Pennsylvania. Then I quit my job and I stopped. The house rule is: as long as Ceej has an income, she can get facials. But I waited a few months after starting this job, and my skin totally noticed and got up. set. The bumps, which had still not gone away completely, came back in full force and started spreading to new areas of my face. Plus the new breakouts. BLECH.

So I started going to a place down here in Maryland, and it's great. The owner, gives a great facial.

She does not, however, do a great job of keeping her opinions to herself. Opinions which often confuse me. For example, I complained about a wrinkle I've noticed getting more and more noticeable between my eyebrows. She suggested I get Botox. And I was all, "...umm...I don't think so..." But she kept telling me that "everybody does it" and that it's the best way to preempt face/brow lifts later on in life. And that 25 is exactly the age at which it becomes necessary. I told her that I've never been a huge proponent of Botox/other plastic surgery measures, and that The Foliage would DEFINITELY not be cool with that level of unnatural.

Then she told me to do it without telling him. Which turned into a conversation about how she thinks I should have a secret checking account (all of our finances are combined, and it's awesome). So I should lie to him about money and also lie to him about my physical insecurities as well as medical procedures. Is her suggestion. Right.

I'm really confused about her enthusiasm for this practice, but maybe I'm projecting my own ideals onto aestheticians in general. I go and get facials on a monthly basis instead of seeing a dermatologist, because I prefer a more holistic approach to self-care. I probably shouldn't assume that people who give facials would prefer natural solutions, even though they hock products on their all-natural benefits.

Later I mentioned that I was going to get a laser hair removal treatment the same day. Which set her off about how unsafe THAT is. Because injecting poison into one's face is totally fine, but a laser affecting hair follicles is not. At all. And I don't know why I'm OK with one and not the other, either. I was just very surprised at her reaction to it. And the fact that she said all that AFTER she knew that I - the client - was in the process of receiving these treatments. I'm pretty sure my payment guarantees that I my opinions are correct. Or at least not egregiously wrong.

So. Weird.

as i inhale the room

2011-06-29T11:51:00.000-04:00

I've had a bit of the blogfail lately, I know. I just don't want every. single. post. to be about my wedding, but that's really all that's on my mind lately. The other thing that's on my mind is that I'm starting a business, and it's already doing well, but I don't REALLY want to talk about it until the website's done and I have official-like pretty pictures to show.

So. Hopefully I'll have become interesting by tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

suggestions for the kardashians

2011-06-27T07:08:00.001-04:00

Nearly
"It's almost as if..."
Practically
Like

and DEFINITELY no more fun

2011-06-23T13:13:00.001-04:00

So when I was little, somewhere between 7 and 10, one of my teachers had the class play a game called "Quakers' Meeting." The game started by her saying this:

Quakers' meeting has begun
No more laughing, no more fun
If you dare to crack a smile
You will have to walk a mile

And then she'd choose a kid to start. And that kid had to make us all laugh. The last one to not laugh or smile would NOT be walking a mile, rather they became the next "Quaker." Of COURSE she always chose Daniel Cacciamani, the class clown, who was admittedly HILARIOUS. But then, I would be the next "Quaker." Because I like winning! I like being the best at things! Unfortunately, I was not the best at understanding consquences, because then I ended up at the front of a room, full of my peers, with absolutely no idea what to do. Also I think "My So-Called Life" had premiered, and I had become extremely adept at not smiling, following in Angela Chase's clunky shoes.

All of this translates to: forced stand-up comedy. And regular stand-up comedy is maybe one of the most traumatizing activities a person can undertake. So that plus a SNEAK ATTACK equals CEEJ HAS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I may have mentioned my xxxtreme unpopularity before. Well...yeah. Full effect, people. It was so bad, that the bell would ring for class to end - without me making a single person so much as smile - because we ran. out. of. time. You know how every minute in front of an unhappy-looking group of people can feel like an eternity? Well, I was up there for a lot of minutes. On several occasions.

I honestly can't believe this "game" is legal. Paddling? Fine, bring it back. But for the love of all that is holy, no kid should have to play this monstrous game.

so i'm suggesting a swift orderly change

2011-06-22T11:18:00.000-04:00

I feel as though it would behoove America - nay, the world - to let women who have normal periods to take each first day off of work, no questions asked, no penalties issued. I don't have enough sick/personal days to make this a rule for myself, nor do I wish to bring my work ethic into question via monthly absence. But good LORD I am in PAIN and totally EXHAUSTED* today. Color me useless. Nature 1, Spreadsheets 0.

*One day, The Foliage was feeling all sorts of outdoorsy, and kept taking me to outside places and getting frustrated that I didn't want to play frisbee with him** even though he knew I'd just started my period. He kept throwing the stupid thing at me while I watched it go by, Daria-style. After several hours of this, I yelled, "My UTERUS is ATTACKING ITSELF, trying to SQUEEZE OUT its CONTENTS. I am TIRED and it HURTS." And he was all, "Ohhhhhhh!! That makes sense." Then he drove me home and brought me hot chocolate while I held still on the couch.
**Oh, BTW, I'm marrying a puppy.

no thank YOU for smoking

2011-06-21T07:08:00.000-04:00

Last night on the metro ride home, there was a guy who looked just like Aaron Eckhart, plus 10 years.

Good news, you guys: in 2021, Aaron Eckhart will still be unreasonably pretty. We can all stop worrying.

the things they carried

2011-06-20T13:01:00.000-04:00

Stuff my partner and future family-in-law lost yesterday while whitewater tubing:
-Sunglasses
-Hat
-Shoe (retrieved)
-Prescription glasses
-The integrity of a "dry bag"
-Car key to a rental
-Other stuff I don't even know about

Stuff I lost yesterday while whitewater tubing:
-My balance
-Yeahhhhh, that's about it...

You can make fun of the OCD chick all you want, but she's the one who left with every single thing she brought, suckers. Nature doesn't make lazy rivers; the Potomac will take everything you love.

SEVEN

2011-06-18T07:08:00.000-04:00

Remember that episode of "Friends" where Monica tells Chandler about women's 7 erogenous zones? I didn't understand it then...and I still don't. Apparently I'm neglecting a CRAPLOAD of zones. I feel so inadequate.

daydreaming about my honeymoon

2011-06-17T07:06:00.006-04:00

honeymoon dreaming by iheartpeachyring featuring french connection dresses

This collection is not featuring a french connection dress. It's featuring that blazer. And OMG that handbag. Which I WANTS. I fully intend to live in my navy blue and black blazers from H&M for the duration of the honeymoon. And judging by how this spring has gone so far, that won't be a problem. I wish I could wear them to work every day without drawing attention...

The whole nautical, WASPy thing might be a little overly literal, but that's what I'm feeling this year. Stripes! Loose fits! Except the shorts...who came up with parachute shorts? That person is a moron. Those things make me look like I'm wearing a diaper. The ones in this set are high-waisted hotpants. YES! For regular life? No. For honeymooning on a European island? Bring it.

2011-06-16T07:08:00.000-04:00

Source

Those things? Are the devil. We got a pack of the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough last month, and after we made them, each of us swore that we'd eaten more than the other. Because both of us were sneaking bites. And also shoving entire cookies into our mouths so the other wouldn't see the chocolatey horror. It was RIDICULOUS. Two people in one apartment should not make an entire package all at once. But we did. And it was a delicious, one-time thing.

Except that when we went grocery shopping this weekend, The Foliage put CHOCOLATE-FILLED Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough in the cart. Which...is way unnecessary, yes? In any case, they do not need to be in my home. Where they can be continually close to my mouth.

We're in the very last week of Insanity, and it's way too tempting to convince myself I've earned it (which, by the way, I totally have), and subsequently eat 7 of these cookies. Not that that's what I did last night. Gorging on cookies is totally a Thursday sort of activity.

pop quiz

2011-06-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

Dear Tourists on the Metro,

Do you think I want to hear about your love of all things BIRD, and about the weird webcam bird show you watch every day?

Here, I'll give you a hint: NO. No, I don't.

I'm glad you like my ring (as you should because it's awesome) but good LORD when I'm on my morning commute, it's too early for me to politely feign interest FOR HALF AN HOUR. I didn't stand next you because I wanted to talk; I stood there because there was nowhere else to stand.

Unrelated: thanks for offering me a seat, dude. PSYCH!

count it down

2011-06-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, The Foliage and I had to come up with lists of important events in our lives (it's a wedding thing, and mostly a secret). And it was REALLY HARD. At first, we just had boring things like our births and graduations. He got distracted and disappeared, and then I felt inspiration strike.

"Hey, [Foliage], what years were you addicted to World of Warcraft?"
"And hooooow old were you when you got yourself stuck under a vending machine?"
"You stole your grandparents' Internet, right? When did that happen?"

I'd been shouting these questions at him across the house, and it was at this point that he came back into the dining room and said, "Sooo...you're actually going to use those?"

IS THAT A SERIOUS QUESTION? I mean, come ON. Who does he think he's dealing with?

For the record, I wrote down, "1996 - Wanted to BE a Spice Girl," in my own list. It's a very well-rounded selection of events and milestones.

I really think that wedding details set the stage for a marriage*, and what better stage than that of mockery? If (and only if) I get to embarrass The Foliage for the rest of our lives, then I am IN.

*No I don't; that's ridiculous.

i need to go to paris probably

2011-06-13T14:09:00.000-04:00

This weekend we went to see "Midnight in Paris." The new Woody Allen film. Why? Well, because. We just did. I'm rarely a fan of Woody, but the cast was pretty awesome, and I wasn't in the mood for "Super 8." The Foliage just wanted to see A movie, so he didn't really care. Here's what I walked away with:

1. The quintessential Woody Allen protagonist is SO MUCH LESS AWKWARD when played by Owen Wilson.

2. Marion Cotillard is gorgeous beyond all reason. I already knew this from her other films, but those hadn't given me such a chance to be all, "...wow." So beautiful.

Now I have to do my job. Kbye.

a day in the life

2011-06-08T12:26:00.000-04:00

1. Today is the first pick-up of our CSA share this year! Finally! We joined Norman's Farm Market CSA and our pick-up location is really close to The Foliage's office. I've been bringing it up a LOT over the past few weeks, since our CSA in Delaware started WAY earlier than this. Like April or May or something. Of course we really only got a bunch of different kinds of lettuce, beets (WTF am I supposed to do with beets? We got them every week all season. I still don't know how to use those mothas.), and no fruit. I don't know if it's because of the recent heat wave or what, but we're already slated to get squash and tomatoes AND fruit with this new one. Sweeeeet!!

2. Bachelor/ette Party planning is stressful. Even when you're not the one actually doing the planning.

3. Now reading Water for Elephants and I'm so bored with the characters. The main ones, anyway. The supporting characters are really entertaining. I feel like romantic connections in books so often fall flat for me. Maybe having actually BEEN in love, reading about it seems hollow. There's never enough depth in either character for me to be convinced. Or the main character is really great, but all I can think about his/her love interest is, "S/he's BORING. Who wants somebody like that?" Because they're usually demure/shy/constantly acquiescing amiright? Oh, great, main character. You like him/her because they have you on a pedestal. I'm sure that adoration is going to last FOREVER.

Also a HUGE part of the storyline centers around humane treatment of animals, which isn't really a central concern of mine in life. And especially in this book, since it takes place during the Depression, and human characters are starving. If the animals are eating rotten meat? At least they're being fed. And if you feed an animal that died to another animal? WHO CARES? IT'S DEAD. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE FOR ANYONE TO EAT ANYWHERE.

That's pretty incendiary. I know. I have a lot of animal-loving friends, and they get very upset when I talk about my attitude toward animal rights. So I'm not going to get into it at the moment. But the bottom line is that humans are my first priority. End of story.

And a friend of ours got me canning supplies for my bridal shower, so I'm gonna use our CSA vegetables to make salsaaaaaaa!!!

that's how i do

2011-06-07T11:52:00.000-04:00

Today is our Makeoutaversary. An important -aversary because, even though we knew we liked one another before that, afterwards we were all, "Whoa...I think I REALLY like you." Which neither of us was necessarily expecting. At least not to that degree.

I was going to go through the whole embarrassing story, like I do, but decided not to.

Because sometimes I'm depressed and full of self-pity and ridiculousness. And then I write about it* to The Foliage, and go on and on about how I'm feeling and why. And then he says things, like, "Ummm...I know. Do you think I haven't been with you for 3 years? Because I have." And other things that are none of your business. He's pretty much the only person outside of my family who has ever talked with me about my depression and made me feel like, "Oohhh you really DO get it...and still ferreal love me and aren't just saying that!"

Which, you know, kind of rules.

Happy mackin'-on-you-versary, [TOE]!

*When I have something important to say, I write it. I forget too many things when I'm talking, and also eye contact distracts the hell out of me. So nearly every really pivotal discussion in our relationship has been documented. Which is cool and weird.

and i'm like omg becky's not even hot

2011-06-06T11:18:00.000-04:00

I would really like to see an All-State Insurance: First Class movie. Because I could totally see Mayhem being a young recruit to the X-Men. Only his power is being able to sustain moderate-to-ridiculous injuries. And then he gets left out of the franchise because his power is LAME and he has to resort to selling car insurance to make ends meet. How humiliating.

I still love you, Mayhem. You don't need the other mutants.

i would totally marry...a couple of actors

2011-06-06T07:08:00.001-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I FINALLY finished the last book of Millennium Trilogy. And when I did, I found myself pretty annoyed at all of the female characters for being soooooo in looooove with Mikael Blomkvist. He's not that great! He's middle-aged, blonde, and kind of has a paunch, from his description in the books. He likes strong women* so that's a point in his favor, I guess. But...meh. Maybe my opinion was influenced by watching the Swedish film version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Because I did NOT find that Mikael attractive at all.

But last night we went to see the new X Men movie. And the trailer for the American version of the film was shown. And Daniel Craig will apparently be playing Kalle Blomkvist. And now I get it. Because Daniel Craig as a genius investigative journalist who can only get it up for self-assured women? Seriously?! I don't even like blondes, but come ON.

I would also like to note that I rolled my eyes so hard when I heard the US would be remaking this, since the Swedish one was so good. And we all know America has a tendency to butcher perfectly good foreign media for no apparent reason**. But the trailer looks pretty amazing. Although I don't know if anyone but Noomi Rapace can ever be Lisbeth in my mind. We'll see. Now that I'm going to be projecting the US version onto the walls of my LIFE once it premiers.

The other crush of the evening: Magneto. Or Michael Fassbender. Or whatever. He doesn't need to have a name, because he's like angry, supernaturally powerful James Bond. Which is obviously the only way that James Bond could get better. And better James Bond = MINDSPLOSION. It doesn't even make SENSE. This is probably not OK, but I could hardly wait until we were out of the theatre to tell The Foliage how much of a crush I had on him. I mean Magneto, not The Foliage. I know, it can get confusing in my mind sometimes.

Under that tough exterior of anger...is some real sensitivity. And appreciation of the unique. But under that there's more angry! Oh, and sad. But focus on the positive. Which is the angry. Duh. Before I met The Foliage, if people asked me what my type was, my answer was pretty much, "Someone who looks like they could kill me without anyone ever knowing." Which is, you know, maybe cause for concern. For some people. But I just knew what I wanted. Potentially a member of an Eastern European mafia? Pick me up at 8, and don't wear anything with too many buttons.

When I DID tell The Foliage about this (because I have no self-restraint FYI IN CASE YOU JUST STARTED READING THIS BLOG), his response was, "Man, I've got so much of that covered except the evil! Damnit!" Because obviously the evil is the clincher. The meanest thing he does is to shove me into walls sometimes. Which I probably deserve. Given the above.

*Because the author, Stieg Larsson, had HARDCORE guilt issues about not stopping a gang rape he witnessed as a 15 year old. Which is understandable. And kind of a buzzkill. But in any case, all of his male protagonists just UH. DORE. strong women, and all of the antagonists hate them. And there are no female antagonists. Nor are there any weak or unintelligent women. Kind of a skewed population segment. All women are strong, brilliant, good people, and all men are either evil and hate women OR are good and worship all females ever. Just...weird.
**If you don't like "Love, Actually" then you have no heart and we can't be friends***
***OKfine we can maybe be friends, but you have to bring me chips and salsa.

an exercise defeat

2011-06-03T14:39:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to Stroga for the 7pm yoga class. It was called "Heated Vinyasa" but I'd done those before, so I figured it would be fine.

And then I left after 20 minutes.

TWENTY MINUTES. What kind of yoga wimp am I?! I'll tell you what kind: the kind that had already sweat through her shirt, and was more focused on kicking the instructor via 3-legged-dog pose than on elongating her spine.

Unrelated: WHY do athletic shirts show every drop of sweat? Isn't that the point of those things? To hide the sweat? I already sweat a lot when I work out, and it's not exactly attractive. If I'm paying a premium for specifically-created athletic apparel, that ish better make it look like I'm not struggling. Because my face is saying the opposite. Loudly.

I felt OK about leaving because we're still doing Insanity (oh my gawd it never ends...) and the other day I put on shorts and didn't hate my legs in shorts for the first time in...ever. Well, if "ever" means "as long as I've noticed my legs." So 16 years. Which is kiiiiind of a big deal, I think.

Unfortunately, my athletic prowess is diminished significantly by the fact that I am a SPAZ and have a billion bruises on my legs. The Foliage says this is not a big deal, but The Foliage is wrong. I feel trashy walking around with visible, blue and purple, splotchy wounds. Also: visible bra straps. I hate. Unless the wearer is stick thin, then it can be fashiony. That is beside the point.

The point is that yoga is harder than I remembered, and instead of finishing the class I ate an oatmeal cookie during my walk to the train. THE END.

spoiler alert

2011-06-02T07:06:00.001-04:00

So last week, The Foliage and I were catching up on "Modern Family" and one episode was about how Claire is the mean parent and Phil is the fun one. Then they switch roles. Then I cocked my head to one side and went, "huh."

Because suddenly they were my parents.

Have you seen this episode? Phil tells his daughters to clean their bathroom, which they don't, so he makes them go back in to clean, and monitors them, and ends up forgetting to let them eat all day. Which my dad TOTALLY DID one time. Mom came home and was not. pleased.

But in another part of the episode, Claire takes Luke and Manny to a drag racing course, and as soon as the vehicles are turned on, the first thing she does is to ram both of them into the barrier. And the audience is supposed to be all, "Oooh poor kiiiiids." But all I could think was, "Yeah, my mom would do that."

Little heads up: if you ever have or are doing anything really cool, and my mom is nearby, make sure you are not vulnerable, and always have an exit. I recommend not making eye contact and taking a few steps away from her so you're out of reach. Best case is she's tracking someone else's joy. Worst case is she smashes your perfectly constructed nacho into your face. At a wedding.

You know how mothers are always saying things like, "Just ignore him/her!" and, "When you get upset like this, you're just giving him/her what s/he wants!"? My mom is the instigator is ALL OF THOSE TIMES.

I was annoyed when they switched back at the end of the episode. It was like I was watching my memories. And having a whole series of episodes like that on Hulu would make therapy WAY easier.

pants on fire. girl on fire too i guess.

2011-06-01T16:13:00.000-04:00

OK, well JUST KIDDING. I wrote this post yesterday when I thought I'd still be reading the book today...but last night I went home, did NONE of the things I was supposed to do, and instead read Catching Fire. Until, like, 10:30. And then The Foliage was all, "Hey! I love you! Let's talk about random things!" And I was all, "Katnisssssss!!!" So that didn't last long.

Multiple people have promised me the 3rd book, Mockingjay, as a loaner. But have since not been able to deliver. So I bought the book at lunch. Because I can hardly breathe not knowing what happens. Right now? Respiration is a challenge. A big one.

And now the book is sitting 2 feet from me. Just waiting. I wish I could force field the area around my desk and read for 5 hours. Stupid mortal limitations...

I also bought Water for Elephants because I've been wanting to read it, and CLEARLY I have zero self-control.

mah storays

2011-06-01T07:06:00.007-04:00

I don't know how I feel about this, but...since I've started reading the second installment of The Hunger Games, every moment I spend NOT reading it is the worst moment of my whole life.

So. Just FYI. A little heads up. If I seem incredibly distracted or PAINFULLY DISINTERESTED in what you're saying over the next few days/weeks...it's because I am. I'm not going to go all Leah on you and just stop blogging while I read, but it's going to be about as close as you can get. So just lower your expectations, give me the d*mn book and leave me in peace.

My apologies.

put your hands up

2011-05-31T12:00:00.000-04:00

This post really doesn't have a point.

Though I guess arguably NONE of my posts do. So. There's that.

Here's what I'm trying to say: I have issues with mucus.

Not just any mucus...my mucus. You know how dogs always have wet noses, and that's how you know they're healthy? Well, I ALWAYS have a sniffle. Year-round. Every year. All the time. It's really annoying. And when people make me laugh unexpectedly, I exhale sharply, and snot flies out of my nose. Then I immediately wipe my nose with my hand to get rid of the evidence. But really I just draw more attention to the fact that I have snot on my face. Great. I've trained myself to have more of a chest-laugh*, so I'm not doing the breathing-laugh thing. So now my options are a hearty guffaw or MUCUS.

I'm a real winner. In other news, we decided on our wedding bands this weekend, which means I LOCKED THAT SH*T DOWN. Awww YEAH life strategery!!

*Which is not to say my laugh isn't genuine, it's just maybe not what my natural laugh would be when left unattended.

no seriously it does

2011-05-27T15:08:00.000-04:00

Also, is Steven Tyler's new song/video "(It) Feels So Good" not the most '90s thing you've ever seen in your life? It feels like being 10 years old.

sour grapes

2011-05-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

The other day, after I posted about The Foliage ruining my life via Words With Friends, he said something that made it clear that he was working really hard to destroy me. Which made me even angrier, because why couldn't he just play normally?! So I gave him a hard time about it, and he said, "If I take it easy on you...come on. You won't like that. You know you want me to play for real."

I replied, "No, I most certainly do not. Stop putting so much effort into beating me. Geez."

He won that game. But not by much. And then I initiated a re-match. And I'm currently beating him. But this morning he said something like, "Oh, man, I almost destroyed you when I used my 'X'." So I asked, "Are you taking it easy on me? For real?" and he said, "Well, not completely. Just that one turn I knew would completely ruin your day. But mostly I'm playing like normal."

So OF COURSE I said, "Don't do that! How am I supposed to enjoy beating you if you don't play like you usually do?"

To which he responded, ".........."

The punchline here is that I'm a terribly sore loser. Don't take it easy on me. But I apologize in advance for how childish I'm going to be when you dominate my life.

If you want to play me in Words With Friends, my handle is peachyringz.

we don't care about the old folks

2011-05-26T11:56:00.000-04:00

Is it normal to get into significantly large fights about approaches to parenting and pregnancy when pregnancy isn't even going to be imminent for another year? I sure hope so.

baby i was born this way

2011-05-25T11:54:00.000-04:00

The Foliage is really good at Scrabble games. Like REALLY ridiculously good. You know what I'm not good at? Losing. When we first got the Words With Friends iPhone app, we played several times, I won twice. But never again. I've only heard of him losing one time since then, and he plays pretty much constantly. I had to stop, because it made me want to strangle him, and I've heard homicide isn't the best way to end a relationship.

But I missed playing. I knew I shouldn't take the games personally, and I needed practice winning, so I took on some randomly selected opponents. They all quit 2 or 3 moves into the game. Which gave me a false sense of confidence. So I challenged The Foliage again.

And now he's kicking my words-with-friends-playing ass, and I'm at work plotting how I can "accidentally" punch him in the groin when we get home. Any ideas? They'd be appreciated.

if i could turn back time

2011-05-24T07:48:00.000-04:00

Source

I wish I'd had this purse as a teenager. Maybe The Foliage can institute a curfew so it makes sense for me to carry this around the city. Or something.

my first lesson on marriage. and incest. and baby talk.

2011-05-23T11:09:00.000-04:00

I remember watching something on TV with my mom when I was little. 4 or 5 I think. Something about royalty. Or maybe it was a live-action fairytale movie. Whatever it was, there was a reference to a princess marrying her brother, the prince. The pursuant conversation went something like this:

Little Ceej: I don't have a brother to marry.
Mom: I'm sorry.
LC: Is Daddy your brother?
Mom: No, I met your father in college.
LC: Did you used to have brothers?
Mom: Oh, Christine, you know your Uncle Tom and Uncle Scott. They're my brothers.
LC: Why didn't you marry them?
Mom: I didn't want to marry them. And it's against the law to marry people in your family now.
LC: So it's bad?
Mom: Yes, it's very bad.
LC: Then why did the princess do it?
Mom: It used to be that people got married to keep property in the family. They didn't want to share their money.
LC: I don't have any money.
Mom: Yeah, me neither.

Very little of that is paraphrasing; I remember it pretty clearly, considering. I really appreciate that my parents always spoke to me like a person, not a child. They were patronizing a lot of the time, but they didn't baby-talk at me. I asked my mom about this once, too, and she said, "If I talk to you like you're a baby, then you'll talk like a baby. I don't want you to talk like a baby. I want you to TALK."

And now I do. Often. If you enjoy this blog, you can send donations to my mom directly. Is pretty much what I'm saying.

this morning

2011-05-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

The Foliage: Do you want some tea?
Ceej: Mmmm yes!
The Foliage: Me too. Why don't you go put on some water?

And then I did. Because WTF? That was well-played.

one of these things is not like the others

2011-05-21T09:06:00.000-04:00

Last night we went to dinner and to see The Foliage's dad play in one of his bands. I ordered a salad, and when it arrived it was HUGE. Absolutely gigantic. Pretty much family-sized. And there were a lot of components that were sort of segregated on the plate. One of which looked like guacamole. But when I mixed them all together, and took a big bite, realized it was actually wasabi. And suddenly it became the most terrifying salad I've ever had.

I really need to start reading menus more thoroughly.

the heat is on

2011-05-19T12:30:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to the The Foliage and The Ceejus' Honeymoon Saga!

Hopefully this is the final stretch. Please, universe and Great Omnipotence...please let us be almost done planning this.

To review:

Our honeymoon will be for 2 weeks. We'll leave late on Monday, September 5th and return the weekend of September 17th. Probably Sunday afternoon.
First we thought we'd stay home and do nothing.
Then we thought we'd road trip.
Then, Ibiza.
Then my parents offered us their timeshare for one of the weeks, and a family friend of The Foliage's offered to pay for airfare as a wedding gift.
So we're going to Europe!
The second week is being spent in my parents' timeshare exchange. THEIR timeshare is in Atlantic City, so we've been wait-listed for our choice locations for "our" week.
Our choice locations were Nice, France and Venice, Italy.
We had a travel agent plan our first week, based on ending in Nice or Venice.
She created an itinerary starting in London, then going to Paris, then Zermatt, Switzerland, followed by a train to our second week location.
Yesterday, the timeshare management company called to say they can't find anything in Nice or Venice, but offered one on Tenerife in the Canary Islands.
On first glance, awesome. On second glance (and after reading reviews), meh.
The Foliage called back, and they had 2 Austrian properties available, and 1 on Gran Canaria in the Canaries.
F*ck yeah Canary Islands!

So that's our week 2 plan: Gran Canaria.

But now we need to figure out what to do for week 1. Because we're not going from Zermatt to the Canary Islands mid-trip. That's, like, an entire day of traveling. No.

Our current first week options are:

Barcelona (maybe also Cadiz, if we want to split it up a little)
Portugal
Morocco

We want somewhere we can explore, somewhere we're unlikely to visit with children (because we're romanticizing our future family life, and totally think we can travel to Europe with children), somewhere with amazing food.

Any opinions? Thoughts? I'm leaning toward Barcelona, but that might be because of this rental option which I want to put in my mouth. Le sigh.

in a white room

2011-05-19T07:08:00.000-04:00

When I was little* I wet the bed, like, ALL THE TIME. It was awful. And my parents tried everything they could think of to make it stop.

At one point, my mom started making me swallow a tablespoon of honey each night before bed. I have no idea why. But every night that I did this, I woke up dry. So she continued. I don't remember how long this went on, maybe a few weeks, but eventually we stopped.

And now, even though I know logically that I love honey, the thought of it makes my stomach churn with shame. Which sucks because MAN honey is so good.

*OK, until I was 12. TWELVE. OMG I know.

good decisions

2011-05-18T22:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I saw the movies "Something Borrowed" and "All Good Things." I hated both of them. That's all you need to know.

i don't wear sunscreen i wear crisco

2011-05-17T10:18:00.000-04:00

So my bridal shower was Sunday, and the theme had been successfully kept a secret from me, which I found to be pretty impressive. I'm really nosy. But my friends are really douchey, so they just LOVED knowing something I didn't know.

Anyway, it was DIY. And each guest was asked to contribute a family recipe, so now I have a binder full of incredible recipes, along with all the helpful hints to alter them or dress them up. But in one of the pockets is an envelope. An envelope of my Great Grandma Matthews' recipes, photocopied from her hand-written cards. One of the recipes is for Clam Cakes, and has a bunch of ingredients listed. And here are the cooking instructions: Fry in deep fat. THE END.

Ohhhhh, New England...

free your mind

2011-05-17T08:13:00.000-04:00

Sometimes at night when I'm trying to go to sleep, really scary things will pop into my head. Things like zombies. And spiders. But if I automatically think about something else (for example, candy or the beach), I will DEFINITELY have a nightmare about the scary thing. I guess because my brain classifies it as a subconscious thought since it went away so quickly...? I have no idea. But it sucks.

To minimize nightmaring, I force myself to keep thinking about the scary thing until I've made sure there can't be any confusion about whether or not it was a conscious thought. So last night, I HAD to think about zombies for, like, a full 5 minutes. And a brain can do a lot of damage in 5 minutes. The Foliage was sleeping peacefully, and I was on the verge of a panic attack next to him. Heart-pounding, cold sweat, crazy anxiety. Just your regular old self-torture. But I didn't have a nightmare! So I guess I win? In the life of Ceej, it's really hard to tell.

snack game snack activity snack so. many. presents.

2011-05-16T07:12:00.000-04:00

Bridal showers are weird. Fun, but weird. Also exhausting. More later.

just can't get enough

2011-05-13T15:26:00.000-04:00

Oh, man, Blogger. I did not appreciate last night's/today's leave of absence one little BIT. Luckily, if you HAD been available, I probably would've written a very POOR ME I STILL HATE PLANNING MY STUPID WEDDING type of post, BUT you took so long to get over being verklempt (or whatever the eff you were doing) that I think the issue at hand is now solved. So HA. Take THAT. I might've even solved a totally different problem that I hadn't intended to address today!

I'm not going to get cocky and be all, "Yay I'm on track!" because that's exactly when you learn that your gown has somehow been eaten by beta fish or your caterer has decided to instead sell surfboards for a living. In Jamaica. Which is not where your wedding is. And he won't even give you a discount on the d*mn boards, either.

Anyway.

Today started out crappy. I snoozed through both alarms, and when The Foliage snuggled up to me and told me what time it was, I responded, "WHY DO YOU SUCK?" And leapt out of bed. And didn't talk to him for the next hour. I'm basically the best life partner ever.

But the day got awesome AND FAST. My Ship emailed me while I was in Mexico that I should read her High School friend's hilarious blog Hate You, Probably. Sometimes I'm obedient, so yesterday I did. And she referenced her friend 21st Century Mrs (now This is Not That Blog) a LOT. So I read that one, too. Both of them. All the way through. Because that's how I roll when I'm in bloglove. As you may have heard. Thank goodness neither of them has been blogging for a very long time, or I might've had entries left to read when I got home, and then The Foliage would've been uh-noyed.

So today I Twitterstalked both of them (HYP needs donations to make Jeremy London's dream come true, by the by, give early give often), and then they totally followed me back and then we were all have a Twiversation and I was all, "Am I dreaming? This feels like dreaming..." But so far it looks like I was conscious, so that's pretty awesome. There's such a weird disconnect between knowing people in blogs and knowing people for realz, right? And when you start blogging, you follow the Big Guys. Like Dooce. And Relentlessly Optimistic. So everybody with a blog you like feels like a celebrity, unless you FERREAL knew them before you read their blog (I'm looking at you, Leah...can you please get on Twitter by the way? Please?). So. Anyway. It felt like a really really big deal, even though it probably isn't. Quit undermining my joy, for crissakes! Geez.

But then this OTHER awesome thing happened, and that is an amazing deal. Just try not to click that link. I DARE YOU. My Ship and I were, like, "Whaaaa???" And we're so doing it*. And OMG we're going to high five so much.

Sorry again, Foliage. Let's make out? Or I'll just be nicer to you in the future FINE. GAWD.

*The Orlando one. Does anyone wanna do an additional trip to Vegas with me? 'Cause I'd be down. My marriage is making me part-Jewish so I just can't walk away from that price.

build your castles in the sky

2011-05-12T11:31:00.000-04:00

This. Is. Hilarious.

I was just having the same thought recently. I don't know why. Probably the same reason I psychoanalyzed a Beatles' song character. For whatever reason, I was thinking about the improbability of the lives of all the women on Sex and the City. And, I mean, ALL television characters' lives are totally unrealistic when you consider their jobs (see: Friends, in which Monica who was unemployed a lot of the time, afforded a 1,500 square foot, 2-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village...and her roommates were largely unemployed, too). But SATC really bugged me. The homes AND the Manolo addictions AND the constant drinking at lounges? Puh-leeze.

Anyway, that breakdown is HIRAR. I highly recommend.

but we lost ourselves

2011-05-11T15:53:00.000-04:00

When we first got to Mexico, and I smelled the ocean and saw this

Taken by The Foliage from the balcony of the condo where we stayed our first night in Mexico. The resort was even better. Hopefully some post-worthy pictures of that will surface soon...

All I could think was, "The ocean doesn't know what day it is." Over and over. It was weird. And it kept coming back all weekend. The recurring thought that what we do doesn't matter, except to us. Even the heights of human triumph...are ultimately nothing. Because the sea doesn't give a f*ck about it.

Not to say that I'm giving up on life or effort or whatever, because mattering in the now is something that matters to me. I just like feeling small and insignificant sometimes.