Friday, July 22, 2011

kicking off bachelorette party weekend


-I got wedding shoes and earrings. Both for super cheap. Both pretty low-key. In fact, part of the reason I chose the shoes I did is that I can also wear them for the rehearsal dinner AND during the honeymoon.

-Speaking of the honeymoon, that sh*t is BOOKED. FINALLY. We're flying out the night after the wedding to Barcelona, where we'll stay at Hotel MurMuri for a week. Then we'll head to Gran Canaria for the second week, staying in the timeshare swap my parents are letting us use.

-We're not decorating the church at all, save for possible pew-markers. That place was DESIGNED to be pretty; I'm not paying a bunch of my dollars to have some decor be swallowed up in that space. Also we have mad of them wedding party members, so it could get crowded.

-A few things we'd planned to DIY I searched for and bought on etsy yesterday. Because it was on our To-Do list for SO MANY DAYS and we did it...never. Not even one half-assed attempt. I paid fair prices and we still have to do assembly once the stuff arrives, but this is a HUGE load-off. Now I'm trying to figure out what else I can outsource to artists...

-Our ketubah/guest book is going to rule SO HARD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Now I have to go have more fun in 2 days than is probably allowed legally.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

this is why conservatives always win you guys

My work email account is hosted by Google. So is my regular-life account. And my friend Jimena taught me how to use both at the same time, BUT I can't use Blogger if I'm logged into more than one account at a time. This is KILLING my blogproductivity. And, contrary to what you might expect, it's not doing wonders for my workproductivity. That's pretty much the same. "The same" meaning "totally awesome as usual" here. Of course.


Last night, The Foliage and I met up with a few of his family members at the DC United Game. At one point, we went with his dad Marty to get food and drinks. Read: Marty and I wanted Vodka Lemonades and also The Foliage thought maybe I should also have some solid food. So Marty and I went off in search of the booze kiosk.

Once we found it and were in line, Marty spotted a guy with a really strange shirt on.

"Does that guy's shirt say 'End Fair Trade'?"
" does look that way..."

Brace for the punchline: yeah. Yeah it did. Dude apparently hates fair trade. Which. Um. What? I thought only dictators of Third World Countries felt that way. I've even tried searching several variations of "end fair trade" to find the exact shirt, but all that shows up in the results is "high-end fair trade" and "to that end, fair trade..." et cetera. Know why? Because fair trade is awesome!

I know I'd be preaching to the choir if I went on and on here about the benefits of fair trade practices. But man. I was pretty taken aback. I can't remember the exact wording of the rest of the shirt, but it seemed to indicate he wanted people to shop locally...and that fair trade somehow prevents that from happening.

Dear stranger at the DC United game,

Most people who shop locally are the same people who buy fair trade products, and vice versa. You're attacking the wrong demographic. Maybe get a shirt about Wal-Mart. Just an idea.



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

to my future teenaged children

Please don't be too stressed out about the SATs or whatever crap you think you need to do to get into college. I got a great SAT score and I ended up graduating from a small, local business school. And that's OK because NO ONE CARES. Seriously. No one. I worked my way up to a primo spot in the accounting world and realized I didn't like it. So then I stepped back to a kind of accounting I do like*.

I know in the future when you, like, exist and are actually a teenager I'll probably cry when you get bad grades or letters are sent home about how you don't do your homework. This isn't your fault; it's mine. I've already got unrealistic expectations for you, and they're based on my expectations for myself. I'm sorry to put that on you. See how I did that? I'm already guilting myself! And making you aware of it! I am the culmination of a thousand years of Irish/Italian/Polish Catholic motherhood. Guilt is WHAT I DO.


The point is that it takes a lot of trial and error to be happy. A lot. I really hope your trials and errors don't cause you to live in my house after you're 21, but if you need to I GUESS we can figure it out.

The important thing is not to always choose the best major/sport/etc. The important thing is to show up. I want you to be involved in extracurricular activities because of your own desire to be a well-rounded person, not to be able to tick accomplishments off on each finger**. I don't need you to get straight As, I just need you to do the work. If you don't do the work...I'll hit you in the mouth. Fair warning. Also if you're reading this and I'm currently mad about your crappy grades, maybe wait until later to bring up this blog post. Or maybe bring mommy a drink. And then ask to see your father's WoW Addict video. Nothing turns this lady's frown upside down faster than that ridiculousness.

*Still got a pay increase because that is how your mother ROLLS.
**Though that is pretty badass. Admittedly.***
***But don't be a tool about it, jeebus.

Friday, July 15, 2011

lesson learned

The other day, getting on the train, I saw Katie Armour. OK it wasn't Katie Armour, but it was a girl who looked JUST LIKE HER minus about 16 inches. Katie (from what I can tell) is super tall. I almost ran to tell this mystery girl about her e-famous doppleganger, but then decided it wasn't the day to look like a total psycho right before boarding public transit.

Things that I have discovered about life since moving down here and needing to take the metro everywhere:

1. Armpit maintenance is very. important.

That dude is you at least 70% of your workdays.

2. Folding fans are GORGEOUS and I need a billion. When you have negative personal space and the air conditioning's broken (like it almost always is), air movement is heavenly. Well, unless it's the onion-ring-breath of the dude encroaching on your aforementioned space. Otherwise: heavenly. Also the style potential for these is off the charts.

On. It.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

self flagellation with a twist of hope

Yeah, I totes ignored by blog for a few days. And by "ignored" I mean I "thought about it off and on, and during the 'on' times with much anxiety." I've actually been much better about Twitter, since it's so one-off and I don't have to worry about linking to pictures or being too rambly. Which is also the problem with Twitter, because it's just a semi-daunting, constantly-updating ream of text. And the damn character limit KILLS me. Sometimes rewording down to the "meat" of my posts is actually helpful, but mostly it's annoying. And forces me to ditch really. good. words. Like "finagle." Who wants to say "get" when they could say "finagle"...honestly? Because I don't want to know that person. Brevity is not always the source of wit, TWITTER. Sometimes going on and on and on and beating a dead horse is actually where the wit lives. I'm so mistwunderstood.

Between my job, the wedding, and the lemons life sometimes pelts at my head* I've had little time to blog. I'll try to be better. Post-wedding, here are things I really really really want to learn:

-Herbology (Western)
-Paper making
-Glass blowing

Can you tell SOMEone's itching to make some 3D art? I seriously need to use my hands for something other than typing into spreadsheets or I might die**. Yeah, OK, "die" is a little extreme. I'll maybe turn boring. Which would be worse than death, I think. For crissakes, someone get this girl a BeDazzler!!

*Note to life: one cannot make lemonade if the lemons are hitting you in the face and bouncing away. Oft-neglected but important principle.
**I really do like my job. But I need to fulfill my creative side in my free time POST HASTE. Right now that isn't happening. Wedding tasks start out fun, but then I decide on an idea and have to replicate it A MILLION BAJILLION TIMES. Which makes the creative process unsurprisingly less enjoyable.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

shout shout let it all out

Hey! Here's something that annoys me that's not related to weddings at all!

When people won't give money to bums because "they'll just spend it on booze."

WTF do you care how he spends it? Dude sleeps in a DOORWAY. I'm cool with helping him get respite, temporary though it may be. Your self-righteousness isn't going to cure him of any addictions.

Monday, July 11, 2011

much like the dmv

The past few days have taught me that if I ever have the thoughts, "I can do this, " or, "We're right on track!" I should punch myself in the face and crawl into a hole. A hole that preferably does not contain the New Jersey Turnpike.

Friday, July 8, 2011

i don't have one leg but you're still jealous

I knew my office building had a nice roof, but I didn't know how easy it was to get up there, or how INCREDIBLY AMAZING it was. But today I found out when I met my friends Jimena and Jill there for lunch.

One of the views:

Oh, AND for whatever reason, work provided free lunch today. Pa POW:

We sat under the awning and there was a breeze and no one else up there...sigh*. My life rules so hard sometimes. Also, I refuse to apologize for my subpar photography skills. Re. Fuse.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


People are starting to receive the invitations. Holy crap, this is actually happening.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

put your money where your mouth is

So yesterday was one of the most e-ntense days I've ever witnessed. People got allllll wrapped up in the Casey Anthony trial, and were/are ready to crucify her. "Justice for Caylee!" they said. But...I don't really believe in justice. At least not as determined by other human beings.

I really, really hope that in my afterlife, I'm not consumed by a need for vengeance. Or spend one iota of energy waiting for vindication. I have the same hope for Caylee. If anything, I DO hope that I'll move on to the next stage of existence with concern for other similar victims.

So no. No justice. But maybe a legacy. What better way to honor a life cut short than to help prevent the same thing from happening again?

Today I made a donation to Child Avocates, Inc. in Caylee's memory, and I invite you to do the same. Because acting indignant in the name of justice on Facebook isn't helping anyone.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

gee willikers

Some people in my office sure feel qualified to condemn a woman to death...

Groupthink is so disturbing sometimes.

next time i get married everyone gets evites

You know what the worst thing ever is? Making wedding invitations. Correction: Making wedding invitations up to my/my mother's standards. Because that sh*t will take you every conscious minute of your 3 day weekend and several hundred of your dollars. And also your fiance who wanted to get to work early, will instead spend AN HOUR at the post office, hand-applying stamps to all 90+ invitations. Which the USPS considers to be "packages" because they're rigid.

I feel like I entered the invitation olympics. I'm pretty sure I'm getting a medal, but I don't know if it's gold. Also I might be disqualified for using performance-enhancers.

Pictures won't be posted for at least a week so the surprise isn't ruined for readers who are receiving invitations. But here's a little teaser: the only material in our crafty arsenal we didn't use was restraint. Sometimes more is more, people. Also? Paperlove can really cock up your life.

Friday, July 1, 2011

i would totally marry: presidents

Woot Independence Day Weekend! Or Friday leading into Independence Day Weekend! During which Independence Day falls on a Monday!

Let's get patriotic up in this piece. By imagining my awesome self gracing an Electoral College fave with my hand in marriage. Ow OW*! Note: I'm doing research on these guys as I type this, because as I may have mentioned previously, social studies and I don't have the warmest relationship. Anyway, let's get me married!

George Washington - Georgie Porgie! The G-Meister! Namesake of some of the most expensive places** in DC! That bodes well for him; baby loves a legacy. He's the oldest in a big family, so that's a plus. TONS of land in the Shenandoah Valley...could go either way. I like the idea of land-ownership, but I hate yard maintenance. A lot. I hear he's good at clearing trees, though, so I could probably make him deal with it. Sterile...also could go either way. Raised a bunch of kids that weren't his and freed his slaves when that wasn't even a THING yet. Big ups, G. Bottom line: he sounds like a really great guy. But I just can't get down with those rosy cheeks. And the fake teeth thing freaks me out.

Thomas Jefferson - Renowned cheater. Red-head. Awesome writer. Damnit, I just don't know. He's like the tamest bad boy ever. And as far as cheaters go, he cheated really consistently. Looking at his family tree, it doesn't seem like he ever got tired of either woman, he just really really really liked them both. Which I guess is kind of sweet...? Compared to having a bunch of affairs? I guess I'm a one slave-mistress kinda partner. But he died with a bunch of debt, and debt gives me hives. Also openly hostile to the Catholic church, which is even worse than being blonde. Oh, AND The Foliage and I have that really nice picture from the day we met, looking at the Jefferson Memorial. It would just feel too weird. You know, compared to the weirdness of marrying a 200 year old corpse.

Abraham Lincoln - Or was that BABEraham Lincoln!! Bwaaahahahahaha!!! Oh, me. So, yeah, he's pretty much my type. Looks like a tall death camp survivor? Sign me UP. His discipline and ability to self-educate remind me of my father, and doesn't every girl really just marry her dad? PSYCH! I am so not marrying an incarnation of my dad. Yeah, OK, I probably am. That's a totally different blog post. I think everyone (minus the South who just don't count for anything ever) can agree that he was awesome. Couldn't handle the early widowhood, though. I definitely at least need a CHANCE at going first.

John F. Kennedy - Living up to Jackie AND Marilyn? That's just too much. No. I need a stiff drink just thinking about it.

Richard Nixon - Tricky Dick! Political and personal foibles aside, I can't be married to anyone with the nickname "Dick." Just can't.

I think the biggest problem with any of them is that my dad hates politicians. HATES. He hates the entirety of DC because "that's where politicians are." Seriously. We came here ONCE as a family in my whole life, and that was because Colbert's portrait was in the Smithsonian. Now The Foliage and I have lived here for almost a year and he's never visited. Ever.

I'm not saying I wouldn't marry someone based on my parents' opinion, but...I totally wouldn't. Probably. I mean come ON! Family get-togethers would suck! And I won't have tension marring my annual date with Mom's cheesebraid.

Installments One, Two and Three, for your reference.

*This has become a favorite "phrase" of mine recently, but apparently it causes some confusion. I went to lunch with Use Your Words the week before last, and when I texted "I'm here ow OW" she read it as "I'm here now NOW" and pressuring her to run. In her work clothes. In 90+ degree heat. Then I felt bad. But also didn't because who doesn't know how to read early '90s studio audience cat calls?
**George Washington University, most expensive college in the nation; W Hotel; etc. All of which I could probably use FOR FREE if I married the Big Guy.