Friday, September 30, 2011


Being married is weird at first. My identity being different is weird still. But today I was surprised at how wifely I felt. Which...I'm not sure that's an actual thing. But pre-marriage, if we'd had a fight, I would have made sure that my opinions and feelings were KNOWN. That they were being RESPECTED. I wanted iron-clad proof that they were. Which mostly amounted to The Foliage's verbal assurances.

But now...I know that all of my thoughts and feelings are respected. I just know that, and I know it FO' SHO. I knew that before, but I guess I was scared of being swallowed up in my relationship. And refused to let myself back down so easily. So this morning when we had and resolved an issue, instead of behaving warily towards him or seeming wounded for hours afterward, the very second he realized he'd hurt my feelings and apologized, I could've cared less about the whole thing. And was immediately straight back to skipping-smiling-would-do-cartwheels-if-I-could-level happy.

I pretty much love being married.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

hooking up

Ceej: ...Anne* just referenced "hooking up with Jack* again"
I don't know who this Jack is
The only one I know is Jack Smith*
And that
Make me so uncomfortable
Also happy...? Maybe? I guess? But mostly uncomfortable.
The Foliage:  Don't you think she could easily mean "get together with?"
Ceej:  No. I don't. We're talking about boys.
Our generation does not use the term "hooking up" to mean "saw in a non-sexual, totally platonic way"
Not ever
The Foliage:  Haha, of course "our generation" does
"Let me hook up with Billie and see what she thinks"
That's a totally normal sentence...except for the name
Ceej:  No
No one ever says that
The Foliage:  They so do!
Why don't you just ask her who she means?
"You hooked up with Jack Smith?
Ceej:  If they got married then [some of our siblings] would be at the wedding toooooooo
The Foliage:  Wow, that was a huge gun you just hopped over
Like, a bazooka
Ceej:  I just like being excited about things
*Names changed to protect the innocent-esque

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

stuff i've liked lately


In the Woods (as well as the rest of the Dublin Murder Squad books that have been published so far) by Tana French

Oh, man, these are so good. I'll focus on the first one, though, for now. I read it during my honeymoon and it was AWESOME. Growing up, my mom always read mystery novels, and since I thought I was a grown up reader, I tried to read them too. Didn't work. I ended up discouraged, frustrated and bored. What does a kid know about body language cues? Pshhhhh. Anyway. It made me resent the entire genre for a long time. Then I read this book, remembered that I'm a grown up who can TOTES follow mysteries now, and loved it. I'm not telling you anything about it, except that it's awesome, and that I highly recommend the other books in the series as well. The 4th one's due to be published soon and I am PUMPED.

Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

This book...has affected my dreams this week. I finished it yesterday, and this morning woke up from one in which I was attempting tactical maneuvers, trying to anticipate all of my enemy's movements. This Card guy seems to suck a large amount, though. His introduction to the book was forever long and self-important, and upon researching the rest of the series (which I still intend to read), learned that he is very outspokenly in hate of marriage rights. And has tied homosexuality to pedophilia. Wow,


The Burning Plain

This ish made me cry so. hard. Which isn't necessarily what you want in a movie, I know. But if the circumstances are right, I really really do. I thought it was incredible and painful. Also when are Charlize Theron and Katherine Heigl gonna be in a movie together? Do they not look like sisters to anyone else? I'm a little bit anti-KH but I might get over it for Charlize.

Winter's Bone

I didn't cry. But this was also pretty devastating. I was shocked by how much it moved me. Both these movies have Jennifer Lawrence in them, by the by. I didn't think I was that impressed with her before, but then I'd only seen her in X-Men (oh, dip, Charlize tie-in!). I still don't know if I'm that blown away by HER or if it's the stories themselves. In both movies she plays her characters depressed and numb, and then is incredible in the scenes where she's visibly moved. So I guess that's good acting? I can identify terrible acting, but when people talk about "nuanced performances" or an actor "having such poise" I have no idea what they're on about. So maybe don't listen to me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

giving you the best that i got

Dear everyone,

If you don't have a corkscrew, you can use a screw and pliers to get a cork out of a wine bottle. This realization recently made my LIFE. So. You're welcome.


Monday, September 26, 2011

note to self

The next time you decide to drink the equivalent of 1.5 bottles of red wine and have just one iiiiiiitsy bitsy glass of water, try not to do it the night before your period starts. Because hormonally hungry + next morning nausea = worst. thing. ever.

What are you, in college? Yeesh.

Friday, September 23, 2011

dinner and a movie

A few days ago The Foliage bought lamb shoulder at the grocery store and then didn't freeze it. When I realized this yesterday it became clear that it needed to be cooked RIGHT AWAY. Luckily there is a specific lamb shoulder recipe in Alice Waters' The Art of Simple Food (long-cooked lamb shoulder). And it was amazing. And pretty simple. I also made her apple tartin with some of our CSA haul, complete with homemade caramel! Cast iron pan and everything! I'm like a professional.

I used almost every gadget in the kitchen and made a HUGE mess. After we ate I passed [the eff] out and awoke to find that it had all been cleaned, and the food packed away.

Being married rules.

We also watched the movie version of "The Golden Compass" because The Foliage FINALLY got around to reading the trilogy during our honeymoon, was such crap. It had such potential to not be crap. But then it failed. And glossed over EVERYTHING and had actors being way over the top. The talking animals weren't as trite as I expected them to be. But mostly crap. And it ended, like, 2 chapters early! "I see your daemon still changes." COME ON, ASRIEL, OF COURSE HE STILL CHANGES LYRA'S A KID. Such garbage dialogue. BAH!!

Movie renditions of your favorite books do not (often) rule.

Looking forward to a weekend at home. Happy 3 weeks of no divorce papers to us (on Sunday, anyway)! Whooooo!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

so tell me what you want what you really really want

Last night The Foliage and I went out to run an errand, and it was later than it should have been, so the store was getting close to closing and we were rushing. And I was super stressed. Maybe the most stressed I've ever been in my life. Which makes me, you know, super charming.

So we find the thing that we need, and I ask him to go get a cart. And he's gone FOREVER. I browse the nearby aisles, I wring my hands, I pace. Eventually I head towards a further-away aisle since I'm not sure when he'll be back. And then some girl makes eye contact with me and giggles while she says, "Oh, I'm sorry." The guy she's with smiles but is uncomfortable with eye contact. Then I turn and see that they're talking to The Foliage. And he looks exhausted.

I figure these are friends from school or something, wanting to catch up, but it turns out he's never met them. And it is explained to me that they were discussing the concept of "God the Mother." To which I replied, shocked, "And you've never met each other before?"

Yeah, that's right. My husband got stopped by a cult. In Target.

And not a laconic cult, either, a really chatty one. A really chatty and awkward one. Who apparently all live in a house together? Or something? I was trying to be polite and not confrontational, because it's not like I'm going to convince them that there is no Planet Beldar. No way. This chick wanted COFFEE. She wanted to TALK over COFFEE. We don't even drink coffee, but she said it about a million times. "Just meet up and, you know, just talk. Over coffee.*"

The problem is that I DO want to talk to her, because I'm so fascinated by different faith systems. But UGH it was the worst timing EVERRRR and I don't necessarily want to talk to her or her friend, who embodies the kind of socially awkward that makes you feel physically uncomfortable. But I am curious about this ish.

I kept asking what the church's name was - no answer. "Well, if you HAD to give a name to the faith that you both share...what would it be?" Over and over again, "We believe in the Bible." And maaaaaan I hate that answer. Because f*ck you, lady. That is vague and passive aggressively accusatory and I just want to make my purchase and go home, but you've suckered me and my spouse into a pseudo-religious conversation which is our biggest collective weakness.

When she and her friend mentioned that their services are on Saturdays, The Foliage said, "Oh, right, because that's the sabbath." And - I am not exaggerating - chick jumped up and down and clapped. Who. Does. That. At that point my frustration was showing, and when she excitedly asked how he knew that, I replied with audible irritation, "Because he's Jewish." DUH. SO MUCH DUH. She knew that (my marriage's differences in faith being the 1st topic she broached) but I guess knows nothing about Judaism. But is EXCITED that he knew the sabbath is on Saturday. Madre de Dios.

They said their worship centers are called "Church of God - [Location]" and that they go to the one in Laurel. But I can't find this place online. Church of God, believes in God the Mother**, has services on Saturdays, urges followers to solicit converts at big box stores late on weeknights. Any help? I kind of want to go to see what kind of animals they sacrifice. Also, maybe avoid the Target on Rockville Pike on Wednesday nights. You're welcome.

*As soon as she said this, I immediately heard Maria Bamford saying, "Sure I'll join your cult!" in my head and almost laughed in the girl's face. But then I would've had to explain the joke and talked EVEN LONGER.
**I don't NOT believe in God the Mother...I believe God is genderless and that "Father" is a traditionally and arbitrarily assigned pronoun. It seems like a silly thing to make a point of to someone who's already identified themselves as Christian.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

at once so familiar

Our wedding...was so so so perfect. It was the wedding we were always meant to have. It wasn't how I'd imagined it would be for over a year. But we got there and I had a feeling of, "Ohhhhh riiiiiiight...THIS is my wedding." Like the wedding happened totally on its own and then reeled us in and we never would have had a choice to make it any other way. Like the first conversation you have with your best friend - instantly familiar and comfortable and probably somewhat snarky.

Before the wedding, when The Foliage and I saw each other for the first time in full wedding regalia, and I asked how I looked, he said, "You look exactly like I thought you would, even before I met you."

Which is, you know, pretty much exactly IT and precisely the sort of thing that the dude who convinces you to never ever be single again in your life WOULD say.

Personal photo taken by a wedding guest. [Rainbow citrus] cake made by my Granna, cake topper made by my mom. She even made tiny thick-rimmed glasses for The Foliage's bird. Uh. May. Zing.