Tuesday, February 26, 2013


Currently watching Parenthood on Netflix, and oh man. It's so good. And also pretty much tailor-made for Bringing Up Shit.
Because my Favorite Thing is bringing up potential parenting situations to The Foliage to make him RESPOND! IMMEDIATELY! He loves it. It makes him so excited and not at all anxious. Several of our most significant disagreements have been over Things I've Decided Our Stupid Kids Want To Do or Will Do. Like, what do you do when your kid is given a curfew on prom night and they want to push it back? Or, are we paying for art college? Or, what's our response when our kid gets suspended for miming the use of a grenade? 
For the most part, on the issues that arise on the show, we're in agreement. But last night we reached an impasse:
If a kid confides in one of us that they're sexually active, do we tell the other? The Foliage says yes, definitely. You have to tell me. I say, no. Maybe. But probably not. It depends on what kind of relationship you have with the kid. Obviously I'm anticipating him having a fantastic relationship with our kids, but I've always had a fantastic relationship with my dad and I would NOT have wanted him to know when I started having sex. Even in retrospect that idea makes me squirmy with discomfort.
There are plenty of things I thought were a big deal when I was a teenager that really weren't, that I shouldn't have worried about so much. This is not one of those things. If Mom had told Dad (maybe she did, I have no idea, but I doubt it because I don't remember any period of time when he couldn't look me in the eye or attempted to murder my boyfriend) I would have been SO so so hurt.
When one of my sisters told me she'd slept with her boyfriend, I felt like someone had reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. The Foliage...does not have this relationship with his siblings. They speak openly about their sexual experiences (well, TF did until we were together, and I requested he significantly reduce the jaw flappery). They don't feel protective or parental toward one another. For him, the idea with not being OK with a family member having sex is just unfathomable.
I think he's underestimating how it would feel to have a daughter.
If this kid is a girl, once I hand her over to him, and he's looking down at her feeling totally overwhelmed and in love, I'm totally totally going to say, "I am so not telling you when she has sex."

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

you light up my life

This morning I got on the train, sat down, and started to read. Then I got sleepy so I took a nap. Mouth drooping open, in my usual ultra-classy nap-taking-position. I woke up to some guy tapping on my knee and holding out a piece of paper. As soon as I took it, he exited the car. My thoughts were, in order:
1. Oh geez I dropped something
2. I'm drooling or something else about my appearance is offensive enough to warrant a note
3. He stole something from my bag and is playing some weird mind game with me
It was his phone number. And his name and a "call me" with a smiley face.
He wasn't bad looking either. Shame about that smiley. Automatic disqualification for emoting. Win some lose some, I guess. Sorry, Dwayne. I hope your future train conquests work out better for you.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

will you do the fandango

Work is stressful! Outside of work is stressful! I have a lot of shit to do and not a lot of time to do it! And I am so so sleepy all of the time!
So here is stuff that makes me happy/thankful/relaxed these days:
-The progress we've made in paring down our main floor so it feels clean and not overwhelming
-Louis Tully, the most emotionally needy dog who ever lived
-On the same blog, our maternity session!
-My sister in law watched the needy needy dog this weekend while we went out of town and it was GLORIOUS and we are SO THANKFUL she was available to do that
-From what I can tell, a totally healthy pregnancy
-My friend Liz is shaving her head AND donating her hair for charity (separate charities) so now I'll be able to see even more of her pretty face
-Pens that have plenty of ink, notebooks with tons of blank pages, phones with full charges
-Comfortable non-ugly shoes
-That my babyest sister's band is playing at Hard Rock Cafe in Nashville on March 2nd (!!!)(are you in or near Nashville? please please go because I can't and it makes me annoyingly weepy.)
-Thinking about our garden-to-be
-Not thinking about the work involved in achieving said garden
-Visiting people I super like at Mystic Pizza
-Getting promises from other awesome people to visit me during maternity leave
-Affordable maternity clothes that look like clothes I'd wear even if I weren't pregnant
-Window shopping on streets packed with gorgeous boutiques, getting decorating ideas
-Even moar different ideas for really fun parties
-One of my other sister's (sisters'? whatever) Kickstarter for a webseries she's created (The Big Idea Show which I'll have on constant loop for ze kid while I sleep off my morning martini).
-That Radiohead song with the line "I don't wanna be your friend, I just wanna be your lover"
-Paychecks. (Dear Paychecks, don't you want to visit me while I'm out of the office? YEAH you do! Stop by ANY time. Please.)
-Another of my sister's is blogging her experience of watching all of Star Trek FROM THE BEGINNING.
-Informing my aunt that they REMADE BATTLESTART GALACTICA and watching my uncle's face crumple in dismay. Oh man. OH MAN. So excited to hear how much they love ittttt.
-I have 2 more sisters. The stuff they're doing doesn't have links for you to click. Feel free to berate them. I do.
-My brother in law played bass at the 9:30 Club this past weekend
-One of my other sisters in law is throwing us a shower this weekend because she's super awesome
I know great people. We all do cool things. They take care of me. There is no way to express the gratitude I feel for my life. I hope my kid learns to feel this faster than I did. Because, seriously. It's gonna be a little white kid in America sooooo...should be pretty OK.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

mind. blown.

So remember how making freezer meals is on my non-work development plan? And how I'd like to have 6 weeks' worth of food prepared and frozen in the next 4 weeks? BECAUSE I DO AND IT HASN'T BEEN STRESSING ME OUT AT ALL HA HA HA. I even put "freezer meals and visits" on our registry so other people would help me out wit this. Because I like to ask for help in the most passive way possible. Duh.
I've been slooooooowly coming up with a list of items to make, but it's hard because I want them to be healthy. And healthy to me means Weston A. Price/Nourishing Traditions or paleo. Which means lots of fresh produce and meat. No breads. No soy or other legumes. Dairy is allowed in WAP in certain cases but it doesn't freeze well, so that's a non-issue.
Also I've never made freezer meals before, so figuring out the point in my cooking process to stop, and how to portion it out for freezing, and how to reheat it...have been gigantor terrifying mysteries to me. So far I've made and frozen...chicken broth. Three cups. It's like almost stock-level-potency, so REALLY I have closer to 9 cups of broth. Which is great! I'm excited to use it! But come on. Is this my game face? It does not feel like my regular game face.
Today I came upon Once A Month Mom. And...I am not exaggerating when I say my JAW DROPPED. Also I started writing to The Foliage in ALL CAPS for a LONG TIME. I've come across several freezer-cooking posts on WAP-favoring blogs, but. This is just...an entirely new level of amazing. She has ENTIRE MONTH-LONG MENUS, INCLUDING ONES FOR PALEO DIETS ARE YOU SERIOUS YES I AM.
She gives you spreadsheets in which you enter the number of people you're feeding, and it updates all the sheets, which include a shopping list (organized by aisle), prep list (chopping, browning, etc.), recipe cards with freezing AND not-freezing instructions, AND PRINTABLE LABELS FOR YOUR FROZEN FOOD SO YOU KNOW WHAT THE EFF TO DO WITH IT LATER.
I. Cannot. Get. Over. This.
1. This lady is a genius. A GENIUS I TELL YOU. It's like all the frustratons of my brain just went into her brain AND SHE FIXED IT.
2. I have never subscribed to a website before, but $8 for a single month membership? HO yeah. Doin' it.
Can you FEEL the weight liften from my shoulders?! Because it's a pretty big weight. Who wants to come over and have a freezer meal prep party??

Monday, February 11, 2013

gotta have faith a faith a faith ahhh

On my way to the train this morning, The Foliage texted me that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned. And oh man. The shock! THE GLEE!!
I went to Catholic school for 9 years, from kindergarten through 8th grade. I've talked to other people who did the same, who remember lots of abstinence-only and homophobic education. Like...a LOT. But I don't remember ANYthing like that. I remember being raised by my parents to ask questions and figure out what things meant to ME and the faculty/clergy being in full support of that. And I never heard anything about premarital sex or gayness at school. Not once. Or if I did I had no idea what was being discussed and just zoned out. What I was taught, over and over, every single day, was to be kind and accepting and to give 1000% of myself to others. And to do lots of art projects to decorate the gymnasium for all-school-mass.
I can make pretty much any seasonal decor out of construction paper and styrofoam cups. Just FYI.
I don't even remember hearing anything about birth control or AIDS during homilies on Sundays. Children are a blessing? Yeah, that one happened. But in the vein of, "Include your kids in stuff! Church is for everyone, even if you're too little to really get it yet! We're gonna have doughnuts in like half an hour and then send your tiny sugar-wracked body home with your parents!" Not in the "HAVE ALL THE BABIES ALL THE TIME" sense. But maybe I accidentally missed the point.
But lately? Every single homily seems to be ANGRY or SCOLDY or PREEMPTIVELY ANNOYED. Or asking for money (those ones, granted, happened when I was growing up too). Things have just felt...different. Unfamiliar. Instead of feeling renewed and proud of going to church, I left glad that I'd gotten to take Communion but annoyed that I wasted the other 55 minutes of prime Sunday time.
So, lately, I haven't gone.
I went through a lot of BS to make sure I could get married in a Catholic church, with a full mass. We found an AWESOME priest, who we love and still visit as often as possible. He reminds me so much of my priest from growing up in Catholic school. Father Don. He was THE MAN. (I assume he still is but I haven't seen him in over 10 years.) The priest who married me, Father Dillingham, has so many similar qualities.
Those are the guys who MAKE the faith for me. I have my relationship with God, but priests like them make me want to keep showing up to the building every week. They are what I imagine Pope John Paul II was. I really, really miss the Pope John Paul II days. Pope Benedict XVI has just always been so...out of touch. Exclusive. Pro-scolding.
So here's to you, conclave! I'm not THREATENING to leave if you choose someone lame, but I mean. I've been trying to prepare for my favorite liturgical season, Lent, this year, but have just felt really mopey and uninterested. And I feel super jazzed about this opportunity we have. I just want my church back. Please don't blow it.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

you may ask yourself how did i get here

Last night The Foliage and I were talking about a kid he'd heard about, who got suspended from school because he mimed throwing a grenade into an empty box which he called the "enemy bunker." The kid was only 7.
Several issues arose. The alarmist mentality of our country, how terrifying it must be to be a teacher these days, liability-hedging by administrators, limited resources for addressing issues within the school. We got a little argumentative. These discussions always wind up being so circular.
So we veered off course to talk about this: when (yes, when) our kid does something that results in an overreaction from school administration, what do we do? Because we don't want to tell our kid that playing pretend is bad. But saying the administrators are outright wrong also seems problematic.
In high school, I had a RIDICULOUS choir teacher. She made her own passes so you could excuse yourself from any class TO DO CHOIR. In real life. She had me give one of these to my US History teacher once. Who was, obviously, not thrilled. What with him teaching an actual academic subject and her not clearing anything with him ahead of time. Just BAM I'm the choir teacher and screw your stupid history class we're gonna SINGGGGG!!
(Guess who has weird residual issues about high school choir!)
My senior year she planned a Caribbean cruise for us. And everyone was all excited when she announced it, but I said, in the middle of class, "...why?" Confused, she expressed all the reasons it would be so fun! And I said, "yeah, it'll be very nice but doesn't this seem a little silly to you? to spend our parents' money so we can go on a cruise to...sing? we're not even COMPETING. and we'll have to miss classes when it's almost finals time."
This went on for a while. Then I went home. And she'd called my mom.
And Mom told me that even though she didn't necessarily think I was wrong, I had to respect my teachers, and criticizing my teacher's decisions (especially in front of so many other kids) was really disrespectful. So that was the day I learned I had to have TACT when dealing with authority, and that even though I might really really strongly disagree with a teacher/boss/etc, if they'd made a final decision I just had to work with it.
So I guess I'd tell my kid the administration had their reasons for having rules about pretend weapons, and some of them are very good reasons, and just throw your pretend grenades at the dog from now on.
Ugh parenting for fcks sake.

Friday, February 1, 2013

so we packed up our troubles in an old cadillac

The Foliage and I have SEVERE wanderlust. However, we also both REALLY REALLY LIKE stability. Or at least minimizing uncertainty in schedules, finances, etc. We also really really like real estate and the idea of owning our next place. So every once in a while (or several times a week...maybe...) our conversations follow this pattern:
1. I saw a really cool property in (a town 15 minutes North of our current house, which is just outside the DC beltway in Silver Spring) for (a good price)!
2. But we don't have the money for a down payment right now, so what does it matter?
3. We could probably get it together.
4. OK, true. We could figure it out. But do we even know if we're staying here?
5. Yeahhhhh maybe not.
6. UGH we totally are. We are totally going to stay here. We cannot bring ourselves to walk away from the majority of our family/ies.
7. But maybe we should! But. We won't. Yeah.
8. So but IF we do, if we buy in this area, it should be somewhere we can either sell at a profit or rent for at least the mortgage.
9. Well, yeah, duh.
10. Not duh! Because we love houses that no one else loves! And want to do things with those houses that no one else wants to do! Our futurehouse, if it's exactly what WE want, is probably not going to make us any money, should we ever leave it.
11. Maybe we should just keep renting.
12. Yeah, I like this renting thing. But man. I also really like OWNING and being able to DO STUFF.
13. Yeah. Well. Fuck.
Over. And over. And over. It is such a first world problem - we have all the housing options available to us, including relocating to really fun places, but we can't chooooooose!!
Right now we rent a 2-bedroom house. Originally it was a 3-bedroom, but someone knocked down a wall between 2 of the rooms at some point, so now that's the master. And we're blocking off the 3rd room again to make the nursery. So basically hoping we can squeeze as many tinypeople into the 2nd bedroom as we can, before we're forced to make any decisions. Which we won't be able to do, because...ugh.
We live in the DC metro area, which is a glorified swamp. The job market is THE TITS but the weather...leaves a lot to be desired. Places we'd love to live for the weather alone are the Bay Area and Denver. I love New England, but The Foliage is pretty iffy about it. Especially the going anywhere colder than where we currently are part.
I don't like being resigned or defeatist about my future, but. We will probably just stay in the DC area. We will probably buy a property to create our dream home. And we will never be able to leave. Luckily we'll have a dream home, though. So that'll be handy.
(So I guess I just resolved this indecision for myself? Thanks, blogging!)